kidj Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 Even gay guys get their hearts broken. I don't know what to do. My ex and I broke up last Wednesday. I'm obviously crushed, crying way too much, having to take breaks at work compose myself in the bathroom, it's pathetic. Some days are ok, some days I am just trapped in my mind. The break up came outta nowhere. Seriously, he became a different person in like 48 hours. One moment, we were having the time of our lives together, laughing a lot, loving a lot, looking towards the future together. In the beginning, I didnt even want a relationship, but he chased, and I finally gave in. The chemistry couldnt be ignored. He said the L word first. It feels like everything was initiated by him. I let down my guard, and fell in love back. 4 months later, this. He took a trip home to visit family, came home acting very cold, and broke it off very abruptly. He cited being a little unhappy about his life and how he needed to focus on that right now. Apparently some **** went down when he visited home, his parents are splitting up, and I guess he talked to some friends about him and I. It feels like they made up this mind for him. He told me he was afraid he was going to wake up in a week and realize he made a mistake. I suggested we take a small step back, but he stuck by his guns. Within a few days, he text messaged me to see when I would be okay with him calling me. I stupidly responded saying, "whenever". Then I got an email a couple days later, saying he was sorry he hurt me, that things would get better, and could he call me soon? I ignored the email. The next night (last night), he called twice. Once on my cell and once on my house phone. I don't know what to freakin' do right now. Of course I want him back, but I'm afraid I am getting too hopeful about him wanting to contact me. He probably just wants to be friends, or assuage his guilt. I have a feeling he is already seeing other guys, based on all the suddenly single gay men on his myspace friends appearing within days of our breakup. On one hand, I'm very very deeply hurt, confused, and trying to get over this. On the other hand, I want the "old him" back, or at least find somewhere to start over again. Whats he doing? I don't know how to feel. Right now I just feel so anxious. Should I continue to let him swing in the breeze? Or should I call him back? Thanks guys.
kypepeo Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 Sorry about the heartbreak and all. It's never easy. You have a bit of a grey area here. If he really broke up with you because of something that happened at home, then he must be feeling pretty messed up. The whole thing about being in a relationship is being there for each other. You need to be there for him. Try work out whatever happened there and what fears he's dealing with now because of that. It might hurt you but this is what you got into when you decided to be in a relationship. maybe that's why he's still reaching out to you. Maybe he wants to talk to you about it but doesn't really know how to. It's a thin line though. If he's just trying to assuage his guilt then don't indulge him. Talk to him and see which of the two situations it is and then take it from there
Author kidj Posted October 13, 2007 Author Posted October 13, 2007 Thank you so much for your reply. I think it has to do with something other than his family problems. Normally this is something he would have completely opened up to me about, our communication was never an issue, we were open and honest. I have never broken up with someone or been dumped and posted on a message board like this. I'm completely lost inside and I'm sure it has to do with the fact that this came outta nowhere, I never ever saw it coming. This evening I came home from work, and my roommate was gone (visiting friends for the weekend) and I feel very strange. I realize this is the first Friday in over 4 months I've spent alone, without him or my friends. Nothing to distract me. I'll probably end up calling him, though I'm almost afraid to. If it sounds like he is out or having fun, it'll make me feel even worse. Its almost like I want him to be home alone feeling the same way I do. I hate being the dumpee. It sucks.
kypepeo Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 Definitely sucks. If you hear that he's moving on it will cut like a knife. I still think that you should talk to him and try make sense of this. At least that way you can get some closure. It's easier to move on after you lay the questions to rest.
daphne Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 I hope you didn't call him kid. I think you need to stick to your guns and stay NC. This guy doesn't know what he wants and you're drumming up excuses as to why he broke up with you. It keeps you in denial and keeps you from making logical decisions in your own best interest. If you let him string you along as a safety net til he's comfortably found someone else, you will really hurt. Go read The Khris' Best on how to get someone back. I have been no contact with my ex who was treating me like crap, didn't know what he wanted and essentially didn't call me for 3 weeks. He's calling all of the time now. I don't answer his calls, however, because no contact has allowed me to take the rose colored glasses off and I realize I deserve a hell of a lot better. I really think NC is the way for you to go.
Author kidj Posted October 14, 2007 Author Posted October 14, 2007 haven't made the call yet. it's taking every ounce of strength i have, but i'm also afraid to call, so that adds to it. i don't wanna hear about his life without me. is that selfish and petulant of me? last night he text messaged me "hey why arent you calling me back i thought we could be friends" and today i got an instant message that said "hey whats up if you are angry at me just tell me, i hope you are doin well, ill talk to you soon." it hurts to read these because he almost seems to be pleading with me, and im not giving him anything back. i want him to know that, honestly, i am not angry with him. just hurt, and dealing with all the confusion. id be lying if i said i didnt want answers. still not sure if he wants to keep me around because he truly wants me as a friend because he cares about me or just wants to keep me at arms length because he is not 100 percent sure he made the right choice in ending things. thanks again for your advice guys. my mind doesnt wanna take a break on this, but sometimes i just gotta ignore it and deal with what is in my heart. right now, my heart hurts, and doesnt wanna hurt anymore. so nc is the way to go, for me, for now. and still, its so hard.
Author kidj Posted October 14, 2007 Author Posted October 14, 2007 okay, mere minutes after posting, he called again, this time from work, on his break. i didnt answer. but why does he refuse to be ignored like this? he broke up with me. he got what he wanted. i dont understand this behavior. ive ended relationships before, and ive never had this urge to call and make contact after hurting the person just to maintain a presence in their life. what would be the point of breaking up? a break up is supposed to be just that. a goodbye. not a goodbye for now but in two weeks ill be back.
sedgwick Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 If he calls again, answer and just be brief. You don't know what he wants. You've done the right thing ignoring him, letting him wonder what you're up to. Just answer and if he starts drama say you have to go, and then don't answer his calls anymore after that. AND DON'T LOOK AT HIS MYSPACE!!! Easier said than done, I know.
daphne Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 kid, I honestly think you need to hold out on the nc. You want to answer because you're hanging onto the hope that he's changed his mind. He is being pushy because you're not feeding his ego. He doesn't know what he wants. Don't let him string you along. If you continue talking to him, it will prevent you from healing and moving on. And you will also lose your power. You'll get to watch as he strings you along and loses more and more interest. Read other postings on NC and see what others have done to themselves by lying and making excuses about the dumper's intentions and behavior. He wants to be friends so he can ease his conscience and the pain of breaking up. Do yourself a favor, be kind to yourself and don't fall for this load of nonsense. Because when you realize that's exactly what he's doing, your'e going to beat yourself up royally.
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