AlwaysLost Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 I have been dating a guy for 6-7 weeks and in the beginning he would always say at the end of the date "What are you doing on Friday?" so he could always set up the next date. Now he calls on Tuesday at 6 for dinner (which is fine for a tuesday) but also does it on Friday night or Saturday. Do I go with the flow or speak to him about how it makes me feel that I am a last minute thought or just tell him I am busy and maybe he will get the hint one day that he needs to ask me at least a day in advance? This really irks me but we always have such a great time together maybe I am jsut hung up on semantics. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks.
peace_pipe Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 I have been dating a guy for 6-7 weeks and in the beginning he would always say at the end of the date "What are you doing on Friday?" so he could always set up the next date. Now he calls on Tuesday at 6 for dinner (which is fine for a tuesday) but also does it on Friday night or Saturday. Do I go with the flow or speak to him about how it makes me feel that I am a last minute thought or just tell him I am busy and maybe he will get the hint one day that he needs to ask me at least a day in advance? This really irks me but we always have such a great time together maybe I am jsut hung up on semantics. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks. Did you ever consider just asking him to try to plan stuff a little better? I've dated women who were very spontaneous like this and weren't good planners. I like to plan my weekend a few days in advance - so that I know I won't be stuck being bored. The solution is simple, really. Just ask him to give you a bit more notice. If he's a decent man, he'll happily comply. Problem solved.
Krytie TV Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 Only you can stop it. If you tolerate it, he'll continue to do it. If you said to him, "sorry, I can't go at a moment's notice. Maybe another time..." he would get the hint.
peace_pipe Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 Only you can stop it. If you tolerate it, he'll continue to do it. If you said to him, "sorry, I can't go at a moment's notice. Maybe another time..." he would get the hint. No, I am sorry. NO HINTS needed. Only direct, adult conversation will fix this. If you want to turn the whole thing into a game of drama, then go ahead and give subtle him hints and hope he'll figure it out. Or, you could just tell him what you said in your post.
curiousnycgirl Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 I would actually do a combination of the two. Next time he calls you last minute say Gee I wish I could but I already have plans. Then go on to say that you really need to schedule things ahead of time because while of course you would prefer to spend the time with him, you often make prior obligaitons, etc. Then you need to stick with that - when he calls last minute, you should not be available! You need to plan your life, not be sitting there waiting for him. I'm not suggesting this should be a game, or that you lie - I am saying it should be true! Even if your plans had been to stay home and do nothing/relax, those are plans! Frankly calling last minute is quite disrespetful IMHO. He is just assuming you have no other life. On the other hand some folks (both guys and girls) seem to be incapable of planning in advance - frankly that is not true! My b/f was one of those until he started to realize that he was missing things he really wanted to do because he forgot to plan them, and I had already planned something else (having discussed it with him before finalizing plans of course). Now he plans ahead! Uusually this simply means telling me when he first hears of something he wants to do - cuz he knows I won't let us schedule over it!
Poboy Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 agree with both posters actually , tell him that you need a good enough notice before going for dates and see how he acts for future dates and dont always be available when he calls last minute
Art_Critic Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 All great advice from everybody.. I wanted to add that he might already be falling into the category where he feels it is okay or certain things are okay or a given. ie: Friday nights are a given because we are already dating.. So I don't have to ask you out for Friday night just be ready to be picked up at 7. I did this a bit to my wife when our relationship took off and she had a talk with me about calling ahead by a day to make dinner plans.. It had to be smacked into my head that she didn't expect to have dinner with me on most nights and needed to schedule herself around that where I just assumed she would have dinner with me because we were seeing each other that same night later on anyhow. Communication.
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