baby-boo Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 Dont know if you read my first post.. (my boyfrend of 2+ years finished me 7 days ago, told me he didnt love me anymore and didnt want a relationship and that things had jst changed... i thought things wer fine.. and it seemed that he had been fine too.. totally devastated...) Well he told me we should ring or see eachother as i will make things easier.. been a whole week of NC.. But i believe that inside sumwhere he does love me, and he's confused caus he's under alot off stress at the moment.. He told me i could ring him if it was about needing anything from his etc.. He still has stuff at mine... so i thought maybe now is the time to ring him.. have a friendly chat (obviusly starting the convo with askin wen he want his stuff) i really dont want to stuff things up tho... should i leave it longer.. Also i wrote a letter to him... saying why i think things went wrong n why i think we came make things work agen.. nothing deperate... should i send it? My ex is on of those people that will totally ignore his feelings of doubt if he has any.. he needs quite a push to act on his feeling... and maybe this letter will provide this push... Or should i stay NC, and hope that if he is missing me, then missing me is enough to give him that push.... please reply i'm on the verge of ringin him i dont want to make the rong descision...
CanyonWall Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 I know you don't want to hear this but when I guy says he doesn't love someone, he is being very honest. Personally, I could never say that, I'd lie instead. He could have said "it's not you, it's me" or other things, but he decided to be honest.
Pentula77 Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 Don't call him, in fact dissapear totally...give him so much space that when he reaches out to you all he hears are crickets chirping in the breeze... Don't let him keep the fire kindled while he seeks out other women. If he wants back in he gets one chance but make him earn it....he needs to know you can walk away from his sorry arse. Don't send the letter...
Author baby-boo Posted October 12, 2007 Author Posted October 12, 2007 im sorry... but i know him quite alot better than you do.. and he said alot more than just 'i dnt love you' i KNOW that he does still have feeling for me... and people say things.. which they dont mean.. sometimes cos theyr confused or because they think its the best thing to do. i know i have a chance of changing his mind.. and i need to know if now is the time.. or whether i should wait longer...
Pentula77 Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 do you know a man better than a man ? let us know what happens....
Author baby-boo Posted October 12, 2007 Author Posted October 12, 2007 thats like saying i know your mam better than you do.... so yes, i know a man better than a man.
Diplok Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 What part of " I don't love you anymore" didn't you understand completely? If you feel like being rejected again, go right ahead and contact him. I can guarantee you nothing good will come of it. If someone told me, I don't love you anymore, it would be the last time that person and I communicated.
ToriJ Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 Hi, im talking from experience, if you want any chance of this man coming back to you, you need to dissapear. You talking to him, ringing him, writing him letters etc is only going to make him withdraw even further. What he needs to feel is that he misses you really really really badly. You need to stop all contact for a month at least. Do not respond to any of his calls, texts, emails anything. This is how you will know if he loves you or not. Why would you want to try to convince a man to give you another go????? That screams desperation. You need to let him know you are not there for him, this is what he basically said he wants by telling you he doesnt love you, so give him that!! He will realise what he's given up and come back begging and you will have your pride. If he doesnt you will already have gone a month without talking to him and will be on your way to getting over him. All this you dont understand him like i do is crap. You asked for advise, this is the best thing you can do with any man no matter who he his when he says things like i dont love you or i need a break. Trust me!
alwayshurt Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 I agree with all of you. It is wise for baby-boo to just disappear and wait to see what happen. But I can tell you that "I don't love you anymore" does not always mean it. I love this woman with all my heart and becuase I know that it is not the right timing for me and her to be together because of some issues she has I decided to cut her off, as hard as it can be. She calls me once in a while and she talks like she wants my affection. I told her I don't love her anymore, but obviously it is not true. I am just trying to protect myself and the cost for it it may be loosing her but I have no choices right now. I don't know Baby's story/situation but sometimes general rules not always apply to a specific situation. Baby, whatever you do be very careful and prepared for any reaction/answer which may be the one you don't expect or want to hear. Good luck
Author baby-boo Posted October 12, 2007 Author Posted October 12, 2007 thank you alwayshurt for agreeing that 'i dont love you anymore' doesnt always mean that. diplok - havnt you ever heard of liars? you believe everything people tell you?
buckdawg Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 thank you alwayshurt for agreeing that 'i dont love you anymore' doesnt always mean that. diplok - havnt you ever heard of liars? you believe everything people tell you? begs the question, why would you want to be with someone who would say something so hurtful and not really mean it? glutton for punishment?
ninjaturtles Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 I was seeing man once, and at some point he said things to me that hurt me so much..very very negative things....a few weeks later, he did even remmeber he said them. I had to foward him the msn chats...he was veru busy and worked up during that time. 5 months later, he is the one wanting to talk to me, the one asking i i miss him, the one who wants me. This is the same guy who ignored all my letters, etc. So yes, sometimes men say harsh stuff, but dont actually mean it. They may be saying those things to push you away for the time being. they may be very busy and not in the mood for anything. You know.... I can understand why you think he loves you, no one knows him like you do. Still at the moment, you are very emotional. So think with ur head as well. I tried sending a letter like that to my ex, didnt do much...watever u do, dont make it look as if you had too many problems. Talk bout the POSITIVE things in the relationship as well as the good times. ackwolege you both have faults, but then if he says he does not love you, then..hmmm....i dont know if he is being truthful or not. Could there be someone else? Sometimes, we feel the need to do something, and sometimes we should do it if thats wat makes us happy. Myself for eg, i would never call a guy to start begging him to be with me, but if i have somethin on my mind, i cud put it in writting. Dont call him though, just leave him. no contact, but u can write the letter..the contents ...i cant stress that u shud be very cautious about what you write...note however, that this could hur u further, cos if he does not reply..u may feel worse. So can you handle double rejection? Sometimes its good to give it time, send it after at least 2 weeks of the split, or a week..not immediately. Plus sometimes guys just want out and there is nothing u can say to convince them..they come back at thier own time. Finally, did you two have major problems in ur relationship>> faults etc?? I have heard of ppl reconciling thru letters, and others being rejected, sometimes u want to just do all u can, if u feel u can handle the consequences go with it.. Still, dont beg..if he wants u he wants and if he doesnt, he doesnt. I know time and space makes a lot of diffrence....it could heal u rapidly(NC), and also make him miss u after a while. It happens to my exes often.. so did u have any problems??
ninjaturtles Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 i meant he didnt even remember he said these things
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