funkybassplayer Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 Nice guys will be used at some point for their patience and kindness, but eventually they will get the nice girl, and have a happy life. The not nice guys will get the not nice girls, and will have a life of games and a shallow relationship. even the girls that have used nice guys will never forget them. If love is given true, then it will never be forgot. Always be kind, caring and gigving of love to anyone, cos on our death bed, we will have little to regreat. To live in guilt and anger, is so sad. If someone does use my good nature, then let that be on them. Nice guys dont mean being a wimp, it just means giving love, caring and compassion, but ultimaltly be aware of yourself, and dont do anything that goes against what you feel is right inside.
marty Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 Nice guys will be used at some point for their patience and kindness, but eventually they will get the nice girl, and have a happy life. The not nice guys will get the not nice girls, and will have a life of games and a shallow relationship. even the girls that have used nice guys will never forget them. If love is given true, then it will never be forgot. Always be kind, caring and gigving of love to anyone, cos on our death bed, we will have little to regreat. To live in guilt and anger, is so sad. If someone does use my good nature, then let that be on them. Nice guys dont mean being a wimp, it just means giving love, caring and compassion, but ultimaltly be aware of yourself, and dont do anything that goes against what you feel is right inside. yup, im with you there funky. if you're a 'nice guy', with a lot to give,,,, give it. and be proud of the fact you have that in you. the only thing to watch out for is being 'nice' for the wrong reasons. if you're being nice and caring to seek out happiness and 'completeness' from another person i think your doomed to fail. if your happy with who you are as a person, knowing that you can do it all on your own and not 'need' anyone,, then being a 'nice guy' is a credit to you. if someone uses you because of that , then i also agree, that is on them , not you.
Sean0775 Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 Nice guys will be used at some point for their patience and kindness, but eventually they will get the nice girl, and have a happy life. The not nice guys will get the not nice girls, and will have a life of games and a shallow relationship. even the girls that have used nice guys will never forget them. If love is given true, then it will never be forgot. Always be kind, caring and giving of love to anyone, cos on our death bed, we will have little to regret. To live in guilt and anger, is so sad. If someone does use my good nature, then let that be on them. Nice guys don't mean being a wimp, it just means giving love, caring and compassion, but ultimately be aware of yourself, and don't do anything that goes against what you feel is right inside. I used to believe this, then I got used a couple times. Since realizing a few simple truths of life, I now give people a wall to knock down before I let them in and see the real me. I admit to having some doormat tendencies early on in my life, but those were gone when I finally started dating. I really believe it's what age group you happen to be dating in that makes the most difference. In the early to mid 20s, Nice Guys most certainly finish last unless they get very lucky.
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 Agreed. Nice guys don't finish last, doormats do. I'd go with that. I think its an age thing sometimes as you get older as a female I do not want an @rse who looks great I'd rather a lovely bloke who looks good, treats well and looks after me as well as themselves. For this they get the same in return so no doormat senario going on. Bad boys I just don't go for think most are twits myself and so far up themselves they don't see anyone else but themselves and the inside of their AH.
funkybassplayer Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 I'd go with that. I think its an age thing sometimes as you get older as a female I do not want an @rse who looks great I'd rather a lovely bloke who looks good, treats well and looks after me as well as themselves. For this they get the same in return so no doormat senario going on. Bad boys I just don't go for think most are twits myself and so far up themselves they don't see anyone else but themselves and the inside of their AH. Ha ha tell me more about you then!!
Krying Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 Could someone actually describe a doormat? I'm a nice guy, but am starting to worry if I was a doormat. In my relationship there were a few times where we had discussions and she would pull away and need her space. There weren't any dramas though. I was supporting and gave her the space she needed. Was that being a doormat or just a nice guy? Or is a doormat a guy who takes his girl back after she cheats on him, leaves, comes back, cheats again, rinse and repeat? My ex was young. I think her immaturity came to the forefront and I think alot of young girls don't appreciate the honest to good nice guys. Who will really love them. They just want the chase of the romance, the so called freedom and whatever else it is. I wish my ex was a few years older, then maybe she'd be more mature.
Sean0775 Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 My ex was young. I think her immaturity came to the forefront and I think alot of young girls don't appreciate the honest to good nice guys. Who will really love them. They just want the chase of the romance, the so called freedom and whatever else it is. I wish my ex was a few years older, then maybe she'd be more mature. Preach the word, brother.
konfuzd Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 Here are some specific examples of things the self proclaimed "nice guys" do that puts them in last place (for me at least). -think that the best way to a woman's heart is to put her on a pedestal, instead of treating her like an equal -constantly buying little gifts, and going out of his way to make her happy. Sure, this is great in small doses, when it's more spontaneous, but when it becomes routine, it loses it's value -afraid to argue with a girl; will either take on her opinion or keep his mouth shut in fear of offending her -will make a date by asking "what do you want to do?" rather than, "do you want to go for dinner, at this restaurant on this night?" or at the very least offer some suggestions. "Let's go see a movie. Would you rather see X or Y?" Grow some balls and make some plans. Now, these are just a few I've encountered that constantly annoy me, feel free to add on if you have more.
funkybassplayer Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Here are some specific examples of things the self proclaimed "nice guys" do that puts them in last place (for me at least). -think that the best way to a woman's heart is to put her on a pedestal, instead of treating her like an equal -constantly buying little gifts, and going out of his way to make her happy. Sure, this is great in small doses, when it's more spontaneous, but when it becomes routine, it loses it's value -afraid to argue with a girl; will either take on her opinion or keep his mouth shut in fear of offending her -will make a date by asking "what do you want to do?" rather than, "do you want to go for dinner, at this restaurant on this night?" or at the very least offer some suggestions. "Let's go see a movie. Would you rather see X or Y?" Grow some balls and make some plans. Now, these are just a few I've encountered that constantly annoy me, feel free to add on if you have more. Im a nice guy and have done none of the above!
MattyTee Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 This is referring to the 'Nice Guy' - from the book that CaliGuy goes on about (good read). 'No More Mr. Nice Guy' It's really a misnomer because these guys aren't that nice in the end anyway - they are just afraid and have built up an idea that it's not okay to build themselves otherwise people won't like them. I'm not sure "Grow some balls" is really the most productive way forwards
Krying Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Nice guys simply don't know any better. Once they do, they are no longer nice. What that means is nice guys are often pure at heart and NOT out to just score some piece of ass. But as they get their heart ripped out and crushed over and over, they become jaded just like all the other hurt people out there. They no longer become nice guys anymore, and end up being bitter jerks.
funkybassplayer Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 it depends, with my ex i wouldnt take none of her ****, and she knew it, in fact because she could not control me how she wanted to, and always wanted her own way, from phone calls to when we had fun in bed. (she was very controlling) i would always fight my corner. But i was nice in the way that i wanted to help her through, and stood by her, and looked after her kids like they were my own, and took them on holidays, and to school, and got them dressed, and took my ex for weekends away that i really could not afford, and for 70% of the relationship she was ill and tierd and i would massarge her to sleep, cook dinner for her, and cuddle her. she new how much i cared, but she also knew that she would never be able to control me, to prevent me seeing her deep pain. Control is all a cover up, cos the person underneath is a scared little girl. So yes i am nice, and i am still nice. No one will change that, and im proud of that fact. There are too many scum bags both men and women, the world dont need more. In fact, since we split, i never even thought about how much i looked after her, cos its me, and my nature to do that. In the end we split, the pressure got too much, she would not talk about anything that i wanted to, from her hubby (still married) to her messed up finances, and i cant be in a relationship where we dont move forward and grow, and i pulled away, and it eneded. I miss them all very much, and i hope one day we can be friends, but ill never change who i am, and nor will any woman, but i have learnt to stay clear of women with deep issues, and will tread more carefully in the future. As much as i lost her and the family, she lost me as well. Its a bloody shame.
heartoutside Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Nice guys simply don't know any better. Once they do, they are no longer nice. What that means is nice guys are often pure at heart and NOT out to just score some piece of ass. But as they get their heart ripped out and crushed over and over, they become jaded just like all the other hurt people out there. They no longer become nice guys anymore, and end up being bitter jerks. There is being nice and there is being a doormat. If you read the book that everyone in here has suggested to read, basically you are a "nice" guy when you put everyone elses needs ahead of your own. It has nothing do with being jaded or all about the ass, it's about how you carry yourself, and respect yourself!! You can still be a nice guy and a gentleman and care about the needs of others, but it does no good for them or for yourself if you can't even address your own needs first!
Woggle Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 The problem with nice guys is that they are always nice to women no matter how badly a woman treats them. They cowtow to women simply based on the fact that she has a vagina. I can be a nice guy to a woman that deserves that sort of treatment but if she treats me like I am scumbag then I will be a scumbag times ten to her. A woman gets from me what she gives to me but many men will give to a woman that thinks nothing of treating him like garbage. The solution for a nice guy is only be a nice guy to women that deserve that treatment.
heartoutside Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 I just read this in an article writen by Natalie Portman...perfect example! I've always been something of a pleaser: I want to make other people happy. That's not the worst thing. I mean, the fact that you like people and want them to like you is great—as long as you're not sacrificing who you are.
MattyTee Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 The Nice Guy paradigm is in fact not what it seems. These guys might seem nice on the outside because they are always trying to please people (not just women in my experience). They end up in fact being anything but nice because they never get their needs met and they are giving with strings attached... How do I know? Well I read the book ... and I am a Nice Guy. I'm not trying to put myself down but I notice patterns of behaviour that I have that are talked about in the book. It is perfectly possible to be a nice guy who knows how to look after himself and can then give to others exactly what they need and ask for. At the same time he's giving without needing anything in return. It's truly ... nice
CaliGuy Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 The Nice Guy paradigm is in fact not what it seems. These guys might seem nice on the outside because they are always trying to please people (not just women in my experience). They end up in fact being anything but nice because they never get their needs met and they are giving with strings attached... How do I know? Well I read the book ... and I am a Nice Guy. I'm not trying to put myself down but I notice patterns of behaviour that I have that are talked about in the book. It is perfectly possible to be a nice guy who knows how to look after himself and can then give to others exactly what they need and ask for. At the same time he's giving without needing anything in return. It's truly ... nice Yep. The book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" goes into much greater detail on why "door mat" nice guys finish last. They're really not nice, they are much more passive/aggressive and manipulative. They mask it under the guise of being nice. For men who think they are taken advantage of being they are kind or nice, I highly recommend the book. It doesn't teach you how to be a jerk, the book teaches you how to learn self-respect and stop being a door mat people pleaser. PS: Natalie Portman: :love::love:
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