Sanslatete Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 I have my good and bad days (and really sh%t days), but the thing that remains a constant is the sadness. It's always there, just below the surface, it's there in the morning when I get up and still active when I (eventually) go to bed. I can't really enjoy anything I do, even if it is fun because the sadness is there, like a fart smell in a windowless room. I just want to be able to get past this stage. I do appreciate it could take some, if not a lot of time to recover from this, but the relentless sorrow is the pits. I feel it and identify it with the images in my head, then the whole cycle begins again. Just thinking of what my life was like and what I was doing this time last year is a good starting point. I was oblivious to anything like this happening. Never saw or expected it to, I trusted her 100% after all. I can picture us in a car driving on the motorway, laughing at the funny stuffed toy I bought at the service station and sat on the dash-board. Just the stark realisation that all those times as 'us' are gone forever and that she became someone I couldn't recognise and I miss them and her so much. It's things like that that perpetuate the sadness. I can't stop thinking about them, no matter how I try to distract myself. I do occasionally briefly drift off into something else in my head, but the sad feeling anchors me in the 'now', and when I notice it again I'm off on that merry-go-round again. From happy, in love to.......this, in a few short months. Surely this gets better, I hope this gets better.
PrincessBOT Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 Hi you posted in my thread, 29, Coping, But think I can look at another man. I posted a response there regarding hate. As for does it gets better, well it does. It has been a little over 3 months for me. Although I hate my ex I am not feeling that hurt make you feel that knot in your stomach and tightness in your chest. I will tell you what I did: It was not easy, but I focused on work and now an up for promotion. I read a lot of inspirational books, my sister became my break up buddy and listened whenever I needed to talk. I went to church (I really needed God to help me start getting the hate out of my heart). I joined LS and posted. I made sure I got a lot of sleep, but I am still working on eating regularly (I lost 10lbs the 1st four days and I have been trying to put them back on). I also joined a massage club and get them at least once a month for relaxation and stress. I don't know if you belong to a gym already but that may help also, working out 2-3 time a week may help you. Also there is this great site called Meetup.com, where you can join a group in your area and meet up with the group. There are hundreds of groups even breakup support groups. I joined a single brunch group in the area. It instant socializing, no questions asked you joined, see the pictures of other members, then meet. In my opinion you won't forget it, but you will think about it less and less. I didn't think it was possible, but now here I am saying it because it did get better.
Bosiell Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 Hey Sans Yeah it blows for sure. There is no disguising that. You have heared all before about time healing, but to be honest that is the only cure. You can of course help yourself, wallowing around in self pity, although at times it seems like the only thing you are capable of, that and breathing. Listen to what Princess has said, good advice. Pretty much what I did. Read some inpsirational literature, prayed. joined a gym etc. I tried as much possible to keep looking foward, to a person I will be in a few months time, free of hurt and doubt. Of course I still think of my ex all the time it seems. Pains me still to think how and why it didnt work out, the rejected love is upsetting still. But I know I have no choice now but to get on with things as best I can, at the end of the day, your best is all you can do. Hope you find peace soon. Dont we all!
sb129 Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 Time is definitely the best healer. Don't give up on sharing those special moments with someone else... there is always the potential for you to meet another love, even though it may not feel like it right now. I have had my heart broken a few times, and each time it healed it got a little bit stronger. I met a great man nearly a year ago when I had nearly resigned myself to being single! You never know whats around the corner, and in the meantime, look after yourself. Going to the gym is definitely an excellent idea, it gets you out of the house, it gets your body moving and those feel-good hormones flowing, and its a place where you can potentially meet new people (friends or whatever). If you are in the UK, I recommend virgin actives RPM class- 45mins of pain, but you feel great at the end of it. Pretend your exes head is under the pedals of the bike....
Author Sanslatete Posted October 12, 2007 Author Posted October 12, 2007 Thanks for the posts guys. I do get my exercise, I cycle and walk miles most days and I keep myself busy between work, volunteer stuff and university, so I don't sit about moping much. It's just that my ex was so much a part of my life, my heart, that it doesn't take much to remind me of what I miss and the sadness starts all over again. I'm still in shock that it happened in the first place, if you knew her you'd be just as dumbfounded as I am. I didn't think she was capable of such deceit and it crushed me completely.
Newtotheblogthing Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 Sanslatete. Hang in there. We have posted together.. I have seen your pain albeit on "paper". I have to believe what everyone says about it getting better. When I first had the "talk" I couldn't control my sobbing.. Then the crying lessened. Now I can at least get out of bed and go to work everyday. I guess that's progress how ever small. The feelings, well, I push them down but I am reading a lot, going to join the gym.. AGAIN and hope and pray I can get over this. I feel for you!
Bosiell Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 Sad day for me today to. I dont know why really. Poss gloomy weather not helping. Just one of those days I guess where all the memories, whys and hows n all that are right to front of my mind. Sooo just want my phone to ring, God it sux. Thought I was doing much better to. Feel like crying today, not done that for a couple of weeks now.
Author Sanslatete Posted October 13, 2007 Author Posted October 13, 2007 I had that feeling today too Bosiell, that crying feeling, it's just relentless. It feels like I'm doing this on my own, except when I come on here to read the posts. It is a solitary grief for the mostpart, no-one can truly 'get' how I am feeling or anyone on LS for that matter, as it is very personal to the individual. I don't expect the phone to ring, wouldn't want it to now, I just want to get through this and get her out my head, she doesn't deserve this attention or my pain, but I seem to be powerless to control it most days. I miss what we had, what she destroyed, and just getting over that is the battle.
niceguy27 Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 twell i am at a wedding alone today. it sucks. the long drive alone without her. the last time i did something ike this was a wedding. it was the thing her and i did together. stuff like this really makes me miss her a lot
MattyTee Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 I'm with you guys! Sucky day for me too today. Lots of crying (and I'm at work!). I guess looking back things have got better for me with time ... so I can just hold on to the fact that as time passes so will the pain. Still heart goes out to you all.
Bosiell Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 Christ will today ever end. I am as worse as ever this evening. Its the pits at the mo. Feel like screaming, then crying then, then screaming some more. Hate this ****e big time. Just why the big change, last nite I was ok. But for some reason I woke up with I dont know the wrong frame of mind or something today. Went in to town shopping, I just couldnt wait to get away tho, all I could think of and see was couples, holding hands, window shopping together all that stuff. Just so wanted to be holding her hand again while we look and laugh at ridiclously priced watches or or some saucy underwear shop, then go for a coffee and people watch. It was so damn natural and well simply great. How and where did it all go ffs! How can she not miss that?! Well im all on my tod of course on a Sat nite, should be out at a girls gaff really. Someone from my past, nothing heavy, just a coffee, I really could have done with the company tonite to. But she has not got back to me to confirm. Give me a break please oh mighty one .... Jim Beam has been broken out again so Im a bit skanked at mo, so pleasy excuse my ranting giberish. Respect all ps, yeah ive cried like a pussy.. With what a deep devotedness of woe I wept thy absence - o'er and o'er again Thinking of thee, still thee, till thought grew pain, And memory, like a drop that, night and day, Falls cold and ceaseless, wore my heart away! ~Thomas Moore
Author Sanslatete Posted October 13, 2007 Author Posted October 13, 2007 Went in to town shopping, I just couldnt wait to get away tho, all I could think of and see was couples, holding hands, window shopping together all that stuff. Just so wanted to be holding her hand again while we look and laugh at ridiclously priced watches or or some saucy underwear shop, then go for a coffee and people watch. It was so damn natural and well simply great. How and where did it all go ffs! How can she not miss that?! I do this all the time, the 'loved up' couples do my head in..... as a result I do a lot of pavement gazing, I can't look at them, it just stirs up all the sad, longing feelings and memories of happier times. I wonder often what got into her head to give it all up. I miss her like crazy but am beginning to dislike her a lot too.
MattyTee Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 Well, lookie at us three! At work tonight practically every customer is part of a 'loved up' couple. It's a horrible reminder!
Author Sanslatete Posted October 13, 2007 Author Posted October 13, 2007 It's all so obvious in this predicament. I never used to notice them until lately. Probably because I was one of them?!....until lately.
MattyTee Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 Yeah, I hear ya. Only 2 hours left at work now then home to bed. I can't work out why I'm having such a horrible day today. Every few minutes I just get this gut-wrenching feeling where the reality of it all hits me. I start to cry a bit ... take a deep breath and then get on with it. I can't understand how people change so much.
Bosiell Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 Well thankfully I am getting pretty tired now. All the crappy emotions of the day and the bourbon have caught up with me. So gonna hit the hay n all that. Feeling bit calmer now after a long walk out. Gonna try wake in better frame of mind tomorrow. Laters all..
Author Sanslatete Posted October 15, 2007 Author Posted October 15, 2007 Bed time for me, head full of thoughts and memories, wishing I could turn back time and not be in this hole. I still love her but I hate her too, it's all so confusing.
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