MR2Aaron Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 First off, I'll apologize for the length of this post, as it may end up being longer than I really intend, and I'll also apologize if this seems like a dumb question. I'm 24 and, sadly, not a seasoned veteran of the dating game. I'll provide cliffs at the bottom. Fake edit: holy crap this got long. I probably owe you a beer if you read all of it. It started around the beginning of September when eHarmony hooked me up with this amazing girl. She's 21, smart, friendly, IMHO quite pretty, and as far as I can tell, very hard-working. Currently, she's in this really hardcore master's degree program that's supposed to take only 11 months, at which point she'll have what she calls an "MSW," or a master's degree in social work (this is important). Also, based on what she's told me, it's my somewhat educated guess that she's not that experienced with dating either, and doesn't have a huge circle of actual friends she hangs out with regularly, saying the only men she sees at all on a regular basis are a couple of guys in her classes and one of her profs. So, we BSed over AIM for a few weeks before deciding to get together for dinner at this little restaurant in her town. We scheduled that date about two weeks prior, as she had to visit her parents on the intervening weekend or something, but she'd IM me at basically every chance she got, usually apparently just wanting to talk. I took this as a good sign. The first date (Friday night) went pretty well, I thought, and we sat around talking and laughing for like an hour and a half after the check came. She said (to my face) that she had a good time, and gave me a hug as we parted company. She was sending me instant messages within like 5 minutes of when I walked in the door and bumped my desk accidentally, causing AIM to go off of idle. I again took this as a good sign, and the next day (Saturday), when she did this again, I steered the conversation such that we made plans to meet up for dinner at this cool burrito place in my town the next day (Sunday). Now, in the preceding weeks, she had told me on several occasions about her schoolwork, which is more or less her full time job at the moment, including about how she has midterms this week, usually in the context of telling me about what she did that day, as opposed to some nakedly obvious excuse to blow me off. In particular, she mentioned a group project that she had to work on, I think expressing frustration with one member of the group who was useless or something. Anyway, mid afternoon Sunday, I was just chilling at my computer when she sends me an IM saying she has to cancel dinner for that night in order to work on said group project. The next day, I tried to get her to reschedule, but she said "We should. I'm sorry to postpone, but I have to housesit for my parents next weekend, can we revisit that next week?" I said "Sure," told her "goodnight, and good luck with the studying," and went to bed. I gather she's been busy preparing for midterms, as she told me she had at least one yesterday, and she put up away messages implying that's what she's doing. The thing is, though, I haven't heard from her at all since Monday night, which wouldn't bother me, except it's way out of character for this particular girl, and all the other girls I've gone out with in the last year were asking me out again within a few days of the first date. So here are my questions: Is this behaviour normal? I mean, I can hardly fault this girl for applying herself, but it seems strange that her behaviour pattern would completely change like that. When I was in school, I never really changed my routine when preparing for exams, so this seems foreign, to me. My biggest question, though, is is there any way to salvage this? I'd really like another shot with her, as I felt like we're on the same page in many different ways, and I almost never meet women I feel that way about. At the same time, though, I don't know what to make of the way she totally stopped talking to me, although she did something similar early on, before we went out, when she had some sort of medical problem and had to go home for about ten days in order to use her parents' military hospitals, and pretty much picked up right where we left off when she got back to normal. Any thoughts? Wanna tell me I suck at life? Am I just overanalyzing? (Pretty sure that's a yes) Should I just wait till next week like she suggested before worrying? Cliffs: 1. eHarmony hooks me up with an awesome girl who is in an apparently highly demanding master's degree program, and possibly inexperienced at dating 2. BS with her on AIM for a while - she usually initiates, seems interested and very bubbly and friendly. 3. Go out for dinner - have a good time, seems easy to get her to laugh. 4. She keeps acting interested from what I can tell; make plans saturday to get together pretty informally on Sunday night. 5. She blows me off, stops talking to me, citing school work. Excuse sounds credible, except for the fact that it's an excuse. 6. ... 7. No profit. 8. What do I do?
CaliGuy Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Date other women and don't put all your eggs in one basket. That way you're never worried about one girl in particular. Just don't be bedding them!
Star Gazer Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Date other women and don't put all your eggs in one basket. That way you're never worried about one girl in particular. Just don't be bedding them! Always the same great advice. I agree completely. Don't focus on this one girl given the circumstances.
Author MR2Aaron Posted October 11, 2007 Author Posted October 11, 2007 Always the same great advice. I agree completely. Don't focus on this one girl given the circumstances. If there were other girls to focus on immediately, I'd be right there with you. This is it, for the moment, though.
tanbark813 Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 First, off I want to say I love that you provided Cliffs notes to your own post. I don't think I've ever seen anyone do that on here. Secondly, you're answering a lot of your own questions in your post. She said (to my face) that she had a good time, and gave me a hug as we parted company. That doesn't mean anything. Should could have just been being polite. Sunday, I was just chilling at my computer when she sends me an IM saying she has to cancel dinner for that night in order to work on said group project. The next day, I tried to get her to reschedule, but she said "We should. I'm sorry to postpone, but I have to housesit for my parents next weekend, can we revisit that next week?" I said "Sure," told her "goodnight, and good luck with the studying," and went to bed. You should have tried rescheduling on the spot. And, if a girl is genuinely interested she'll make a counteroffer with another time if she has to cancel. If she doesn't reschedule during the same conversation as cancelling, then she probably lost interest. Is this behaviour normal? It depends what you mean by "normal". It's normal for a girl who's not interested. And you kind of answer yourself here: I haven't heard from her at all since Monday night, which wouldn't bother me, except it's way out of character for this particular girl, and all the other girls I've gone out with in the last year were asking me out again within a few days of the first date. My biggest question, though, is is there any way to salvage this? Probably not. The best you can do is not try to contact her at all and see if she contacts you next week. You probably shouldn't get your hopes up about that but if she's interested she'll contact you. But don't feel bad. Girls in their early 20's are notorious for being flakey.
Author MR2Aaron Posted October 11, 2007 Author Posted October 11, 2007 You're welcome for the cliffs. That's common practice on other fora I frequent when you make a long text-dense post. I suppose the "out of character" sentence might have been a bit misleading - her behaviour is out of character in the sense that she hadn't done that for a while, but based on what I know about her, it's not inconcievable to me that she might do that for the sake of studying. Anyway, moving on... Anyone know of good places to meet single women in Austin that aren't sixth street? Edit: This is a cool forum, by the way.
jophil28 Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 What struck me was this - In your first para you apologized twice. TWICE - for what ? Apologies are for making amends after wrongdoing, not for posting a long story on LS. Do not apologize in an attempt to appear polite. Secondly you are WAY too invested in this chick . Life is NOT about getting women to like you . Life is about enjoying EVERY thing that you do and doing it with energy and passion. Women are merely a pleasant component ( if you find a sane one ) Get more of a masculine life and quit worrying over chicks .
jophil28 Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 But don't feel bad. Girls in their early 20's are notorious for being flakey. True... BUT never tolerate flakey behaviour. If you do she will flake again because she believes that she CAN. Put you foot down HARD the first time it happens.
Recommended Posts