Brooks06 Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 So when my ex of three years (we've been split up for over two weeks now) contacted my family and told them she loves me always and forever, that she just needs space and rest, that she is too stressed with school to worry about keeping me happy, and that it will circle back around one day she just doesn't know when...I got my hopes up and shot her an email. BAD MOVE! She responded with a simple "Your message just makes me more stressed and more overwhelmed. I am still not ready to talk with you. I need space. And I have a date to the homecoming dance...I'm sorry." My body went completely numb. I was praying that her date wasn't who I thought it was, but I found out yesterday that my worst nightmare is now a reality. A guy she used to date long long ago and who is a very close family friend of hers asked her to this dance. Granted, he is kind of dating an older, really incredible girl and is probably just asking my ex to go with him because his girlfriend goes to school out of state, it still hurts so much that my ex said yes. This guy is the exact opposite of me and really the exact opposite of my ex. My ex never drinks, doesn't dance, doesn't go to parties, she just likes taking it easy...This guy is out partying and drinking every night. He is going to force her out onto that dance floor (something I tried to do many times) and he is definitely the type of guy to try and put the moves on her at the end of the night. He is your stereotypical jackass, but for some reason every girl wants to date him and I know my ex will fall for his games for a few months if he tries to go for her. Today I packed up everything my ex ever gave me. Three years of letters, notes, pictures, gifts, you name it its packed into the box. I am going to take it by her house and leave it on the porch later this week. I know when she sees everything she is going to be torn apart, and I really dont want to hurt her like that, but I have no other choice if I want to keep my sanity. There are two things; however, she made me promise I would never give back. She said "no matter what happens over the course of the next few years...if we break up, date other people, whatever, just don't give those things back because we are going to end up together no matter what happens and I will be crushed if I ever get them back." Well, I decided to go ahead and put those things in the box. I'm not sure how she will react to this, even if she hates me right now (which she doesnt because she is telling everyone I am her one and only, no one will replace me, she just needs time), she is still going to be devestated. I love this girl, I always will. I've known her since middleschool, and no one will ever treat her and love her the way I do and giving her everything back is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done. I do want this to circle back around one day, I just don't want to let her think that it will be at her convinence. My sister (who experienced a similar break up years ago) told me this is the best thing that will ever happen to me and my ex. She said the quicker she dates other guys, especially shallow jerks, she will a) realize what a mistake she made and come crawling back or b) realize I'm not the guy for her. ITs too hard to accept the fact that we are done forever. Even the DAY of the break up we were talking about being together forever. I know she is stressed and is dealing with a ton of family issues and I truly hope she comes back one day. I just have to tell her that I'm moving on and cant wait for her...Hopefully she will realize soon that she is walking away from true love, but for now I am going to try and focus on me. Any advice would be great because I feel like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I mean do any of you have stories of girls or guys doing this and realizing their mistake one day? Or do people just move on that easily from a three year, incredible relationship? I just cant imagine her being able to walk away forever. Do people end relationships because of the stress of the outside world and then circle back around?
tomwiz Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Poor guy, well at least she broke it off and didnt leave you hanging for a very long time. Time to go on NC, find yourself and get out there again, you sound young and things WILL get better, you just hafta get out there. If things are really meant to happen they will and you're feelings although they may subside wont go away, hopefully hers as well
joekurtz Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Dude, I've been down this EXACT same road your traveling & I know precisely how you're feeling. Sure, it was well over two decades ago in my case, but some things just don't change. Now, I know that right now you're feeling helpless & you feel absolutely compelled to do something. That staying inert is driving you crazy. But, seriously rethink giving that box of letters & gifts back. By doing that you're going to do more harm than good & I guarantee you that it's not going to "force your hand", make her see the error of her ways & come running back to you. I took that road, it didn't work for me & it won't have the desired effect for you either. Infact, if this girl is really feeling that stressed over things, it could have the exact opposite effect your hoping for. It just might push her further toward this other guy or others like him. Believe me, that's what happened to me back in 1983. Which, I know to you probably sounds like the bloody stone age, but people's natures having changed over the past couple of decades. Really. What you're trying to do by giving this stuff back is a form of emotional blackmail. And it often just leads to resentment. Which could be deadly to whatever you have left with this girl. What you need to do is take that box of stuff & put it out of the way in a hidden corner of your basement or your attic, so it's out of your sight. Then, as incredibly difficult as it will be ( probably the hardest things you've ever had to do in your young life ), you have to give her her space. Grit your teeth 'til they feel like breaking, "man up" & have no contact with her. Oh, that box will call out to you in the night my friend & it'll beg you to take it out of hiding & do your best to create some drama with it by giving it back to her. But, I'm telling you, you'll be FAR more on her mind, in a far more positive way by taking the path of no contact than you would by trying to make a statement with that box. Trust me on this. Peace bro.
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