lexi29 Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 see http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t131666/ for my story. Basically my bf of 3 years broke up with me me a week ago, changed his mind said he needed more time to think about and I last had contact with him on sat. We slept together and it was all his idea. Well turns out that he was actually dating someone else as of Thursday (two days after he told me the first time he wanted to end things the first time) So he cheated on her with me after only two days. And I was the cause of her finding out. Did it by accident as I mistakenly thought she was my friend and was confiding in her telling her how confused I was by his actions (him saying it was over, having sex with me the next day (as goodbye sex) then him telling me he wanted more time to think about the situation, me giving him space, me saying it was over on Saturday and him literally begging me to sleep with him on saturday and yes, I gave him, I still had feelings for him.) Well turns out he was dating HER adn she was devastated that he cheated on her. There was all this drama of him lying and saying he didn't even see me on saturday and that I was lying because I was trying to break them up. Well I convinced her that I was telling the truth and even got him on tape saying that yes, he did sleep with me on saturday, enjoyed the hell out of it adn didnt care that he'd hurt her. he admitted that he didnt' tell me about her becuase he knew I wouldn't sleep with someone who was taken, and that it was him that intitated it adn that I'd said no several times and that he couldn't help himself because I was so much more attractive than her. and That she was never supposed to find out . Wow great way to start out a new relationship. (he had told her he loved her the night before he had sex with me and he took her out to a party the same day he had sex with me. after I played the tape for her she told him about it and he confessed (after lying to her for hours and making up all kinds of excuses and swearing on her life, her 2yr old's life etc that he didnt' sleep with me. so basically he is furious with me. He thought he had this nice easygoing single mom who would let him go out and party (we always had fights about him going out) and would have no trust issues with him and would just be all starry eyed and love him and since he couldn't keep it zipped for 2 days!! now he has to deal with her not trusting him (she decided to stay with him last I heard) and probably nagging him all the time and insecure and doubting him. She will probably want to know where he is all the time and he'll have no freedom (and he hates being controlled) So I'm sure at least for a while he will be miserable. He blames it ALL on me. That I shouldn't have talked to her (I thought I was talking to a FRIEND, not my bf's new girlfriend. I had NO idea he was seeing someone else so soon becasue he lied to me too.) He blames it on me by saying that I shouldn't have come over on sat (I called and asked him if I could stop to get some of my stuff. I didnt have any intention of sleeping with him. His son was there. He blames it on me saying that I am just too hot to resist- please whatever. he blames it on me saying I should have lied to her and told her I was making it up after I found out they were dating. Yeah I'm not doing him any favors. So after that he told me I can never see his son again. That SHE doesn't allow either of them to have any contact with me. She's afraid he'll cheat with me again. Well sorry to tell her but it takes two to tango and I"m not interested. She should be worrying about all the other women who he plans on seducing or not telling them about her because he wants some action. She's kind of heavy and not really his type (why I actually thought he cared about her but guess I was wrong) so there are going to be 100's of women he comes in contact with that he finds more sexually appealing. One thing he always told me that I was too high maintenance- he thought I was "too good for him" He would always say he couldn't beleive someone like me would date him. He never had a lot of money, came from a poor family, had some low self esteem, also he is insecure about how small a certain part is. and it is little but never bothered me because he was good at other things and willing to try new stuff. He chased me for three years before I would date him and when we were dating he would go overboard to try to please me. He would always buy me expensive jewerly for christmas (which actually made me uncomfortable), he would bring me flowers (and he'd never done that for any of his exes.) he would write me sweet notes all the time, he would always try to pay when we went out (even though he didn't have alot of money) Also he would call any time he said he would, he would call just to say hi or I love you. And he would tell me every single day how beautiful/hot he thought I was and would give me all these compliments. All these things are things he says he got tired of. That it was too much work. So I think with this new girl I think he was expecting to go back to his old ways on not really doing anythign special. Well I told her if she stays with him she has all these things to look forward to. and that these are all things he always did for me. So when he goes back to his old lazy ways and doesn't do these sweet special things for her- she is either going to get upset and wonder why he did all these nice things for me and isn't making an effort for her or she is going to get mad and demand these things and my ex isn't one who likes to be TOLD what to do so he will soon tire of her. I know thats a bitchy thing to do but they both deserve it.
sedgwick Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 You got him ON TAPE? This forum always amazes me. I just read a post about someone else's girlfriend creating a fake myspace account to flirt with him and see if he would respond. This is like spy work! If you mistrust someone THAT MUCH, you should walk away! I know it's not easy to say "you should," but I broke up with my bf of 3 years because I found out he'd been reading my email, and that was that. These things are HUGE invasions of privacy. I know he was a jerk. I know he was cheating. But at a certain point I think you really have to question what it is that makes you mistrust someone so much that you would do such a thing. I definitely hope my ex has done a lot of thinking about spying on me and that he never does it to anyone else again. That said, I hope every day that my ex is miserable, but there's nothing I can do about it. All I can do is try to live every day with the most self-respect I can muster. And that involves not looking at his myspace, at his band's website, etc. It just hurts you more to stoop to that level.
serendip Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 I broke up with my bf of 3 years because I found out he'd been reading my email, and that was that. These things are HUGE invasions of privacy. I know he was a jerk. I know he was cheating. But at a certain point I think you really have to question what it is that makes you mistrust someone so much that you would do such a thing. I definitely hope my ex has done a lot of thinking about spying on me and that he never does it to anyone else again. It's funny...but I was suspicious of my girlfriend b/c she lied to me(she's bad at it)...so I read her emails to find out she was cheating on me (this after I had already forgiven her for cheating the first time). I didn't hack into her account...she gave me the password along time ago...but I forgot about it. I wish to god I never read her emails b/c what I discovered was so hurtful that I lost myself in the emotion and retaliated by creating fake email accounts and manipulating her...basically screwing with her head. I wanted her to feel what it was like to play with someone's emotions. It was terrible of me and I felt ashamed...so I confess to her what I had done. Now she feels justified in cheating and feels very little remorse for it. I had the right to find out the truth about her(reading her emails) but I did not have the right to manipulate her in that way. I just couldn't disassociate from the incredible hurt she put me through.
Trialbyfire Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Not everyone is willing to dispose of a relationship, based on nothing but guesswork. Some of us need to know for certain, if we're offside or not. It also depends on if the relationship has legal/financial implications associated to it, such as marriage or common-law. As for wishing someone well who's ripped your heart out in a cruel manner, such as in the case of lexi, I wouldn't wish your ex well either. I hope he's reaping what he sowed.
Author lexi29 Posted October 11, 2007 Author Posted October 11, 2007 I got him on tape admitting he slept with ME 2 days after he started dating the new girl. He was lying to her saying I was making it up. I got him on tape talking to ME about how good the sex was that day and that he didn't care if he'd hurt her by cheating on her with me. I didn't record him (and yes its legal where I live) becasue I didn't trust him. I recorded him telling me this because #1 he was trying to say I was lying to HEr about it-making it up so she would break up with him but I honestly had NO idea he was dating her because he didn't tell me he was dating her/he said he was single and still trying to decide about "us" and I would have no reason to suspect he even wanted to date her. #2 because I wanted her to hear the truth about what an ass he is. I mean he claims to love her and wants to protect her and take care of her (she's had a hard life and is a single mother) and yet he's willing to cheat on her within two days of starting their relationship. And I'm not trying to sound like I'm totally innocent. yes, I slept with my ex after we broke up (well we broke up about five minutes before that) but I had NO idea he had someone else and also I was resisting him. I didnt think goodbye sex was a good idea. But he was so damn convincing! I mean he pulled out all the stops and did everything he could to turn me on. So I didn't tape him because I didn't trust him- he was already lying to her saying I was the one lying about what happened. he claimed it never happened. I just got him on tape talking about that it DID happen and he enjoyed it and didnt' give a sh*T that it hurt her. That he'd do it again if he didn' t think she'd find out (I would NOT do it since I now know about her). I played the tape for her, she had her proof that I wasn't some crazy ex girlfriend trying to get him back by lying to her and he finally confessed (after she told him I had the tape) yeah it was extreme but you have to realize I considered this girl my friend at one time. So I wanted her to know the truth. And I wanted him to pay for what he did to both of us.
reboot Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Your ex being miserable is not going to make you happy.
ninjaturtles Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 wow..u broke up with your boyfriend of 3 years because he read your emails?? strong lady you are...
ninjaturtles Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 your ex is prolly not going to feel sad right now, someday but now he is busy screwing his chic..silly boy
Newtotheblogthing Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 To answer the initial question. HELL YES, i often feel like I want my ex to be miserable. Not in a general life kind of way.. I don't want him to get hit by a bus and have to enter the hospital but I want he new relationship to FAIL!!! I am sitting at my desk right now with the idea of the fake myspace account.. thanks for the that. I am not going to do it but I WANT TO!!! Everything in me (when I am playing the martyr) want someone, not me of course, to call or text his new girlfriend to tell her that he cheated on her with me!! I feel your pain lexi29. A@@holes!! I am jealous your ex's new girl knows and mine doesn't!! I love that you got him on tape! Now I feel bad for all the venom. As long as I don't do any of it, my karma's safe right?
serendip Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Don't act on it....thinking about it is fine as long as you don't act on it. The revenge thing is just a temporary release from the emotional pain...it won't help you deal with the real issues....getting over the end of the relationship. After the revenge you will feel more awful then you have ever felt...don't lower yourself to the other person's level. Take it from someone who did it...I felt so ashamed of myself...revenge won't bring them back or bring back the purity the two of you had....it'll just tarnish the memories and make the other person feel justified in the breakup
ncpd25 Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 I have pretty strong feelings about people that tell bold face lies (Like my ex). I was somewhat angry that she lied to me and above all, really disappointed. I think you did the right thing. This clown ex of yours tells lies to make himself look better. He went behind her back and then blamed you for it, trying to make you look like a piece of trash. The way I see it, you didn't do it to intentionally hurt him. You did it thinking you were simply talking to your friend (her). As it turned out, she was the girl he was messing around on. You didn't know that. He got what he desreved. If his "new girl" stays with him, she just setting herself up for more lies etc... You had the guts to reveal the truth to her. If she chooses to stay with him, she's in for a lot of heartache. At least you cleared your name. In the meantime, he's a compulsive liar to try and make himself shine. He needs a swift kick in the a$$. What a moron!! If I were you, I would walk away and not look back. He a piece of garbage and you don't deserve to be treated like that.
Sanslatete Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Your ex being miserable is not going to make you happy. It would make me feel a whole lot better to think she was suffering. Seeing as it was her who stirred all this **** up and shattered my dreams. I know there's always two sides to a story, but she was the one who couldn't do the decent thing and have a break from the relationship, then, if she still wasn't happy, move on. But instead, she strung me along and made me look like an idiot. Then she ripped my heart out. Yes, I hope she burns in hell for what she made/is making me go through.
sedgwick Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Yeah, I did break up with someone I'd been with for 3 years because he read my emails. It wasn't JUST that -- we'd been long-distance the whole time, and he wasn't willing to leave his city, and i wasn't willing to leave mine. So it was already making things really difficult. But then I found out that he'd been regularly reading both my email accounts and marking the messages "unread" so I wouldn't know it. I wasn't doing anything behind his back, wasn't cheating on him, had given him no reason to think that I was. I'd given him my password a long time before, so he could check something for me when we were on the phone or something...I can't remember why. But it turned out he read my emails for almost a year behind my back. When he finally came clean about it, I was just so blown away at his lack of trust in me, which was completely and totally unfounded, that I couldn't trust HIM anymore. I guess in a way I was looking for a reason to break up, and that really gave me one. My mom used to sneak into my room and read my journals when I was in high school, and when I caught her doing it once, it was one of the most devastating things that ever happened to me. When my boyfriend invaded my privacy in a similar way, it just really set off all the alarms for me. I would never, never do that to someone. It's one of my major life rules -- you respect other people's privacy and you don't snoop on them.
reboot Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 It would make me feel a whole lot better to think she was suffering. Seeing as it was her who stirred all this **** up and shattered my dreams. I know there's always two sides to a story, but she was the one who couldn't do the decent thing and have a break from the relationship, then, if she still wasn't happy, move on. But instead, she strung me along and made me look like an idiot. Then she ripped my heart out. Yes, I hope she burns in hell for what she made/is making me go through.The only person that can make you happy is you. Karma will take care of her.
Author lexi29 Posted October 11, 2007 Author Posted October 11, 2007 I feel bad for hoping he is miserable because he used to be my best friend. Up until a week ago I thougth he loved me and that I loved him and his son. So I don't wish any bodily harm on him but it just doesn't seem fair that he just threw me away and replaced me with someone new. I mean he doesn't have this big hole in his life that I have in mine. He goes on just like before- someone to hold, talk to, etc. And I'm pretty sure now that he knew he was planning his exit from our relationship. I'm glad he didn't cheat on me (ha! But he couldn't even go two days without cheating on her-sorry, I know i keep saying this but its the only thing that makes me feel better. cause she was so smug that she thought she was the "chosen one" and so special to him. Well he proved her wrong. It's not fair because he was planning his exit and meanwhile I thought everything was great and he was just stringing me along until he picked up with her. Or maybe suddenly she confessed she had feelings for him (I know they talked) and he decided to jump ship and be with her. I have no idea. But yeah, I feel bad about it but hope he is miserable. Her too. Hope she worries every 2nd that she isnt' with him, that he might be cheating on her again. Hope he worries she will leave him. Hope she nags and bi*ches at him all the time and doesn't trust him and tries to control him (he hates any type of control!) and that they fight all the time. Even if none of that happens I hope it is always in the back of her mind how he didn't care if he hurt her and that he had no problem at all betraying her trust and cheating on her after only two days. Doesn't say much for the future of their relationship.
serendip Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Yeah, I did break up with someone I'd been with for 3 years because he read my emails. It wasn't JUST that -- we'd been long-distance the whole time, and he wasn't willing to leave his city, and i wasn't willing to leave mine. So it was already making things really difficult. But then I found out that he'd been regularly reading both my email accounts and marking the messages "unread" so I wouldn't know it. I wasn't doing anything behind his back, wasn't cheating on him, had given him no reason to think that I was. I'd given him my password a long time before, so he could check something for me when we were on the phone or something...I can't remember why. But it turned out he read my emails for almost a year behind my back. When he finally came clean about it, I was just so blown away at his lack of trust in me, which was completely and totally unfounded, that I couldn't trust HIM anymore. I guess in a way I was looking for a reason to break up, and that really gave me one. My mom used to sneak into my room and read my journals when I was in high school, and when I caught her doing it once, it was one of the most devastating things that ever happened to me. When my boyfriend invaded my privacy in a similar way, it just really set off all the alarms for me. I would never, never do that to someone. It's one of my major life rules -- you respect other people's privacy and you don't snoop on them. Holy cow...your story sounds very similar to my story except you have my ex's prospective on things. The difference in our situation was that my ex emotionally cheated on me and I forgave her... and then she went out with the guy behind my back again...that's why I check her email to confirm my suspicions. We were together for 10 mths...then she moved away and we did a long distance relationship thing for 6 mths. I totally understand what I did was an invasion of someone's privacy...like reading someone's personal diary...but I needed to know the whole truth considering we were talking about marriage and everything. here's my story http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t132102/ I would like to hear your prospective on things considering you and my ex had a similiar situation happen to you except you didn't cheat.
isntitironic Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 i would say wishing for the ex to be miserable is the wrong thoughts to have if you ever want to get back with them.
Bosiell Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 One minute yes and the next nope. But the best time is when I think and dont care what she is feeling. One day I hope soon I wont even think of her at all. One day
Sanslatete Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 One day I hope soon I wont even think of her at all. One day I want that SO bad.
alwayshurt Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 It never pays off to do bad things to somebody just because he/she left you. I did it in the past and learned the lesson. Today, I believe that the best weapon you have is to act as a civilized and educated person. If you don't the dumper will always remember of you as a bitch/a**hole and that will justify his/her actions. But a person that can hundle him/herself well always leaves a sign that, although cannot be seen in the present time, will be rewarded later. I lost a great person becuase I was stupid. At that time (about a year ago) I left her because I had some issues. She cried a lot but she did not do anything stupid. After I realized what i had lost I tried to get her back. Evidently it was too late and I did any thing possible (good and dirty) to win her back. She maintained her usual style and I thought I was going to hate this person forever. I can tell you now that I admire her and I would take her back at any time becuase she left good memories in my head for the way she behaved. I guess this was her revenge and she did not do any arm to me. She probably does not even remember my name for the a**hole I was. If you really want to hurt somebody wish that person well no matter what she/he did to you. it will repay later in time.
Bosiell Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 It never pays off to do bad things to somebody just because he/she left you. I did it in the past and learned the lesson. Today, I believe that the best weapon you have is to act as a civilized and educated person. If you don't the dumper will always remember of you as a bitch/a**hole and that will justify his/her actions. But a person that can hundle him/herself well always leaves a sign that, although cannot be seen in the present time, will be rewarded later. I lost a great person becuase I was stupid. At that time (about a year ago) I left her because I had some issues. She cried a lot but she did not do anything stupid. After I realized what i had lost I tried to get her back. Evidently it was too late and I did any thing possible (good and dirty) to win her back. She maintained her usual style and I thought I was going to hate this person forever. I can tell you now that I admire her and I would take her back at any time becuase she left good memories in my head for the way she behaved. I guess this was her revenge and she did not do any arm to me. She probably does not even remember my name for the a**hole I was. If you really want to hurt somebody wish that person well no matter what she/he did to you. it will repay later in time. I agree. Not always easy tho, but yes it is the proudest and most rewarding way to act, for yourself and your esteem as much as anything else.
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