Kamille Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 ...it pours. Before meeting ze delicious frenchman, I was pursuing another gentleman who, unlike ze frenchman, seems to be all about taking things slow. Well, no more: he just asked me out.... Via e-mail, which is kind of a turn-off, but he doesn't have my phone number so maybe he is excused. Oddly enough, this has never happened to me. And I've never dated more then one guy at the same time. What would you guys do? and ps: had a date with ze frenchman last night and it was fantastic fun. He wants us to spend the whole weekend together. I said woaah nelli!
Star Gazer Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 I think it's a great idea to go out with the new dude too. It'll help you dial back your feelings for ze frenchman (or at least keep them in check). Just remember: NO SEX until it's exclusive.
LoveLace Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 I say go for it, I think everyone needs to juggle a little in life, cuz it's not an everyday opportunity, most of the time anyway...have fun!
Trialbyfire Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Dating concurrently isn't an issue. It's when you juggle multiples and they aren't aware of each other, that creates the problem. Go for it. Just make sure you're not using guy #2 as a defense mechanism against your chef.
Author Kamille Posted October 11, 2007 Author Posted October 11, 2007 Hmmm actually... Last night ze frenchman was asking me whether or not I was the type to date many people at the same time. I answered, honestly, that I had always dated one guy at a time. So without us having actually agreed overtly to be in an exclusive relationship I think that pretty much means I said I was going to be exclusive, right?
oppath Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 No, Kamille, it doesn't mean that. It may mean that he is dating several other girls and wants to know how much you'd be hurt by that information, for example. When it comes to dating, always have a pair and a spare.
Trialbyfire Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 He maybe asking for any number of reasons. Why not get some clarity on this? Otherwise, if he believes you're exclusive and you date around, he could tag you as a player and all is lost.
Phateless Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Hmmm actually... Last night ze frenchman was asking me whether or not I was the type to date many people at the same time. I answered, honestly, that I had always dated one guy at a time. So without us having actually agreed overtly to be in an exclusive relationship I think that pretty much means I said I was going to be exclusive, right? You were afraid to speak up and tell him the truth... You told him what you thought he wanted to hear because you're afraid to push him away right? Anyway, that's what it sounded like to me. You should just tell him that you're going to date multiple people. He's the one who wanted to dial it down...
Author Kamille Posted October 11, 2007 Author Posted October 11, 2007 Actually, he told me that he is a one woman at a time kind of guy... asked me what I was looking for in a relationship, etc. etc. etc. He was asking a lot of questions to know where we stood and what our relationship was for me. I found it tricky to answer because I really like him but we've been seeing each other for less then 10 days.
Author Kamille Posted October 11, 2007 Author Posted October 11, 2007 He maybe asking for any number of reasons. Why not get some clarity on this? Otherwise, if he believes you're exclusive and you date around, he could tag you as a player and all is lost. You are so right, as usual. I just wonder how I bring it up... I mean, after all, this to me sounds like 'the exclusivity talk". It feels like it's a bit early for that one. But, hmmm, he does want me to sleep over.
Trialbyfire Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 You are so right, as usual. I just wonder how I bring it up... I mean, after all, this to me sounds like 'the exclusivity talk". It feels like it's a bit early for that one. But, hmmm, he does want me to sleep over. Wish that were true, but thanks for the ups. Why not refer back to your discussion the previous night and expand on it, from the perspective that your response was based on situations of exclusivity.
LoveLace Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 I don't think you accidentally agreed to exclusivity kamille...you simply answered a question. A reasonable answer might go something like this "I date casually until 2 people together agree on exclusivity, but until that point I think both are free to have interests in others"...I don't know something like that! Its almost like he tricked you into saying you want to date him and only him!
Phateless Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 I tell women outright that I don't consider it exclusive until we mutually agree on that. If I want an exclusive relationship with a woman, I'll tell her.
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