Crono69 Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 So heres my situation this girl Ive known for almost a year left me texts that she has a crush on me and likes me for the past month. I never thought anything of her other then a friend cause I knew she had a BF. She goes to college almost a whole state away with her BF. Just last weekend she was visiting and we hung out and were generally close. I took her back to my house and we made out and I hugged her as she fell asleep. She said she doesnt care that my friends know but also texted me not to tell anyone else about it though cause she cant let her BF find out. So she goes back to her college and still texts me regularly and tells me she misses me. Thing is were both young so we got myspace and she has so much stuff about how she loves her BF and she puts up new pics of them kissing and says they will be together forever and whatever. She told me her BF is on to us so is this her way of reassuring him that she is not cheating? Does she just do that cause she doesnt want to break up with him now because it would be too awkward that they go to the same college? I wanna know why she would be seeing me but still say she loves her BF. I thought maybe all the texts and her talking to me asking me what I think of her was me being her emotional support but we have gotten physical too. So what does she really want with me? Does she eventually wanna break up with her BF to be with me or am I just the side dish.. Btw she is gorgeous I honestly dont see what she sees in me.
Fancee Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 You are definitely the other guy. She doesn't want to break up with her bf right now. But it appears to me at this present time her boyfriend is not fullfiling her needs. If you keep on being the back up guy - you can easily catch her just like a short stop. Thats gangster.
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 So what does she really want with me? She wants to continue seeing you behind her boyfriend's back. She likes what she gets from him (the perks of being the girlfriend) and she likes what she gets from you (the perks of being the lover). I think you are mistaking what she is doing for thinking she is going to make some sort of choice between you. She has made her choice: her choice is to keep you both. What is her long term plan? In case things don't work out with her boyfriend, she has another guy waiting on the back burner. Someone here once said that people in relationships are sometimes like monkeys - when they are swinging between branches, they don't let go of one until they have a firm grip on the other. Is she looking for a firm grip, or is she satisfied with hanging between? No one knows that but her. On another note, lets say you do end up with her. You will have 'won' yourself the type of girlfriend who has no problem cheating on and lying to her boyfriend. Are you sure that is what you want? When you accept someone, you can't ignore the parts you don't like. They always end up biting you in the ass later on.
OWoman Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 She told me her BF is on to us so is this her way of reassuring him that she is not cheating? Does she just do that cause she doesnt want to break up with him now because it would be too awkward that they go to the same college? If she wanted to break up with him, she would. In college people change partners more often than they change underwear, it's no big deal. Probably she is trying to reassure him, because she wants to protect her reputation - to him, or to any other guys she's fancying. She's probably just playing the field like lots of other people in college. I think she's made it clear she's not leaving her BF for you, so it's up to you if you want to be the OM, or if you want to be someone's only guy.
Author Crono69 Posted October 11, 2007 Author Posted October 11, 2007 She always asks me what I think of her and says she doesnt think I like her. Maybe she hangs around her BF cause she is unsure what I think of her?
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 In the grand scheme of things, does it matter? Sure, you can go ahead and tell her exactly how you feel. I don't expect that will change things though.
OWoman Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 She always asks me what I think of her and says she doesnt think I like her. Maybe she hangs around her BF cause she is unsure what I think of her? You said earlier she was gorgeous, and you weren't sure what she saw in you. This bit quoted above seems to support the view that she has self-esteem issues, that she's looking for reassurance and that she's propping up a fragile ego by the approval of men. Unless you want to be someone's social worker, as well as their part-time romantic interest, you should reconsider your role in her life. If, of course, you're happy with your current role, then enjoy it, but don't expect her to dump her boyfriend for you.
Author Crono69 Posted October 11, 2007 Author Posted October 11, 2007 They been together for a year so I dont think it would be that easy to break up and just hook up again. I thought maybe if they did at this point then it would be too awkward and theyd fight and she probabaly doesnt want that. I dont think she has self esteem issues. Shes was that hot popular girl in highschool. Really Im a terrible person for saying this but I should feel like im the luckiest guy alive right now for getting this beautiful girl to cheat on her BF. But I dont, I feel terrible cause I know how much time her and her BF spend and I only get occasional weekends and holidays. Even though she is cheating on her BF with me Im the one who feels hurt thinking Im just the fling. But I keep it going cause once in my life I feel wanted...
Author Crono69 Posted October 13, 2007 Author Posted October 13, 2007 Ok so now apparently her BF is cheating on her... She was upset and we messaged each other she asked me if I cheat and she thanked me for talking to her. I really hope I havent landed in the friend zone... What was I suppose to do not say anything about it? Anyways she started drinking and leaving me a whole bunch of texts saying random things and sometimes I miss you and I like you. Then she got upset cause I wasnt replying saying and I havent messaged back. I do believe that *******s get the girls and I hope she doesnt go back to him after all that. What do you think shes gonna do?
buckdawg Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 Ok so now apparently her BF is cheating on her... She was upset and we messaged each other she asked me if I cheat and she thanked me for talking to her. I really hope I havent landed in the friend zone... What was I suppose to do not say anything about it? Anyways she started drinking and leaving me a whole bunch of texts saying random things and sometimes I miss you and I like you. Then she got upset cause I wasnt replying saying and I havent messaged back. I do believe that *******s get the girls and I hope she doesnt go back to him after all that. What do you think shes gonna do? my $0.02? Run like hell. Looks aren't everything and my God this one sounds like a nutcase. You probably feel a little better about yourself because an attractive woman is attracted to you. Think about it. That's not it's supposed to work. You need to find yourself attractive and then find someone you can trust and build a relationship with. This dingbat doesn't sound like that type of person.
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 Really Im a terrible person for saying this but I should feel like im the luckiest guy alive right now for getting this beautiful girl to cheat on her BF. But I dont, I feel terrible cause I know how much time her and her BF spend and I only get occasional weekends and holidays. Even though she is cheating on her BF with me Im the one who feels hurt thinking Im just the fling. But I keep it going cause once in my life I feel wanted... It is unfortunate that the first time you feel someone wants you, it is only in the context of them wanting you to fill in the gaps in their primary relationship. They say that 'something is better than nothing' but the longer you keep yourself in this situation, you will come to realize that the 'something' she is offering you will continue to rip your heart into shreds. There is only one way out, and that is to choose the 'nothing' route. Let her contact you again. Tell her that you love her and want to be with her, and that until she is 100% free to be with you and no one else - that she is not to contact you in any way, shape or form - and NO, you will not be her 'friend'. Tell her that if she does contact you, in any way, you will contact her boyfriend and tell him everything. That should be enough of a threat to keep her away. Now, you start the 'no contact'. This is not a way to get her back. It is a way to drain that infection that she is out of your heart and soul. Cut her off, and concentrate on healing. Move on, in other words. Why? Because every day you waste with this person, you are cheating yourself out of a day you could be out there looking for and finding a woman who will make you a priority and not just an option. It may not seem like it, but there are other and far better women out there. You don't have to settle for this two faced cheat. You just have to convince yourself of that.
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