Bosiell Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 My ex has text me totally out of the blue, only 2nd time in a month: I know its a lot to ask but I am having problems with my computer, can you help? I am not for a minute thinking she is doing this because I think she may like to see me again. I know her too well for that. I still have a lot of feelings for her, she knows that to. I know what many of you are going to say, tell her "no way!" And believe me a large part of me wants to and knows a should do. However, its pretty much in my nature to help people out, friends especially, and yes I would like to be a friend to her, but not sure I can just yet. And I want to be mature about this also, and show her I can be mature. Suppose altough I can help and be mature and sensible. Part of me will be thinking that she will be thinking yeah hes such an great bloke to be help me out like this, maybe I let him go to soon blah blah. Very much in two minds with this. I havent replied to her yet. ps, Either way, Im going to let her stew for a while pps, Sorry I failed to add that I hold no grudges or ill feelings to her about what happend in the relationship, she was always pretty honest with me and apart from being very cold when it ended, which again I cant really class that as a criticism, just the way some ppl are.
Spinderella Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Mmmm, difficult. Perhaps what you should do is to offer her a website or a number that she can call. Thats what I would do. Maybe not... Its really fine to admit that you cannot see her or be in contact because you are looking after your heart. It shows more maturity, strength and honesty than anything else. Different if its some terrible situation she is in, but computer problems? Hardly life threatening.
Jade 02 Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Well good luck either way hun. By the way I would answer(no harm there,I think Ha!)
Author Bosiell Posted October 11, 2007 Author Posted October 11, 2007 Yeah Spind, I see what you mean, it is hardly life threatening or even that important. She could get someone else to look at it I suppose to. It was a problem and something I said I would look at, just before we split up. Obviously things are now different. I dont really want to give her the satisfaction of saying I am looking after my heart etc. Prob just a straight sorry but no. However part of me wants to say sod it lets do this, lets just see how I react to this, lets not run away from this, Ive run away from too much in my life! Go fix her damn computer, say there you go, turn around and walk away, no pain no nothing. hmm.
Spinderella Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Yes, I dont think I meant to go into a detailed explanation, but in the act of saying "no", thats what you are saying, BUT, it could also be interpreted as "no, I only did things in expectation of getting something in return, now I know I wont, I wont do anything". You see. I agree with you in part. Be the person who you want to be. The person who will help, because you can, and has enough strength to not need power games. Make sure you are really there though.
AriaIncognito Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 no pain no nothing. hmm. Except that part is impossible when you still have feelings for her. I know you want to help, but you're only going to majorly hurt yourself if you do see her. It'll reopen whatever wounds have started to close. So your question really should be, can you handle being back at day 1 again? She's not doing this to get you back. If she wanted you back, the text would have said "i want you back" not "please come fix my computer". Just food for thought. I know it sucks. We all want them desperately to want us back, but sometimes, what we want, isn't what's best for us.
Author Bosiell Posted October 11, 2007 Author Posted October 11, 2007 Spind. once again thanks for your input hon, I hear what ur saying. Aria. Great advice. You are right. while I still have feelings for her it will be impossible for me not to feel something, and no I defo do not want to be back to square one. I really think and I am being completely honest here, that she isnt asking for any other intention other than fixing her poxy pc, but true a very small part of me (which I am trying to kick) is thinking, what if?! I never thought I would say this tho, I am not even sure I would try again with her now anyway, easy saying that tho now, we all know how feelings can change hour by hour I have replied to her saying. Yes it is alot you asking me, but I will think about it and get back to you. She hasnt replied to that as yet.
CaliGuy Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 I would have said something along the lines of "I'm really busy. I'm sure you can find a friend to help you out." That's it (if I were to reply at all which the odds are low that I would).
carrotgirl Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 I'm about where Cal is. I would give it until after the weekend to respond and would phrase the second part as a question. "I'm really busy this week. Can you find someone else who can help you?" Carrot
Author Bosiell Posted October 11, 2007 Author Posted October 11, 2007 Well she has since returned a text to my initial reply Yeah you are right, I shouldnt have bothered - sorry! Well screw you love. Same old cold heartedness shes shown since the break up. Not sure what to make of the exclaimation mark on sorry tho. Almost as if I am in the wrong or being immature for not saying yes sure I will help. Anyways, feck it, Ive had enough of this **** now . Its your feckin loss, good luck to your next victim. Vent needed. ps, yeah ur right, i shouldve said Im busy etc. ah well.
Spinderella Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 "ah well" and "feck it", are about right. It was fine what you said, it was alot to ask really, considering she knows how you feel, so thats fine. As I said earlier, it would be different if it was a bad situation she was in, or a terrible emotional state, or illness, but just wanting someone to do her computer for her...very different.
CaliGuy Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Well she has since returned a text to my initial reply Yeah you are right, I shouldnt have bothered - sorry! Well screw you love. Same old cold heartedness shes shown since the break up. Not sure what to make of the exclaimation mark on sorry tho. Almost as if I am in the wrong or being immature for not saying yes sure I will help. Anyways, feck it, Ive had enough of this **** now . Its your feckin loss, good luck to your next victim. Vent needed. ps, yeah ur right, i shouldve said Im busy etc. ah well. I think you're letting things bother you too much. It seems your happiness is revolving around her instead of you. Her response shouldn't have bothered you at all.
niceguy27 Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 I think you're letting things bother you too much. It seems your happiness is revolving around her instead of you. Her response shouldn't have bothered you at all. How is it revolving around her? If he would of sat down and cried for 3 days over it I can see but he was just a little miffed about her actions.
Spinderella Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 How is it revolving around her? If he would of sat down and cried for 3 days over it I can see but he was just a little miffed about her actions. Agreed. Even if he cried for 3 days, at least he's getting over her. What you are suggesting (Caliguy) is supressing feelings.
Author Bosiell Posted October 11, 2007 Author Posted October 11, 2007 Cali. Nope my happiness is not revolving around her, sure it did a couple of weeks back, I will hold my hands up to that, but now I just find it all has just gone laughable. I mean give a man break. She knew how I felt about what has happend between us, she also knew I was getting on with things a lot better recently. She isnt stupid, shes all grown up now and has a very respsonsible job (police seargant). So correct me if I am wrong, she should have known better. Well she did at least apologise, to a fashion. So yeah, I am pretty miffed as much as anything to be honest. Not just at her but at the why the feck me scenario. It may be a good thing tho. At the mo it feels like the final matter for me, to justify totally getting her out of my head. Sorry, still in a venting mood
CaliGuy Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 It's the reaction to what she said. It seems like it shouldn't have bothered him that much, at least from where I am standing. I understand you are venting, but you need not let her yank your chain like that.
Author Bosiell Posted October 11, 2007 Author Posted October 11, 2007 I hear what you saying Cali. Understood. But it was as much a reaction to the fact it happend it all just, when I was coming to my senses more and moving on with things. As opposed to how and why she said it. If you know what I mean.
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