gonecrazy07 Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 So far I have been living through an emotional roller coaster. I had been with my fiance for over 4 years, we lived together, but started to fight alot reciently... we ended up getting in a huge fight and called off the wedding at the beginning of July. A week later I was upset and broke up with him... that week he went out, met a girl and "made out" with her... while we were still living together... I had no idea this happend... 2 months later going through the phone bills I saw an 84 minute phone conversation to a weird number and started my detective work... come to find out he was having a secret emotional affair with a girl he met through work.... talked 5 days a week, all around my work schedule. He confessed to me about making out with this girl while we were "broken up" but yet still living together. I packed his stuff up when he was not home, talked to the girl who told me the same story (they just made out)but said that she didnt know about me. He said that she did and that was crap... I dont know what to believe... he lied for a long time, and apparently she didnt want to rat him out or come clean herself. He wants to work everything out, tells me he is in love with me and wants nothing to do with that girl, and swears that he didnt sleep with her, and that they just became friends. He is really convincing... We are going to a counselor, to try and work through it now. But I am having major issues believing that this went on for so long with no sex involved. Today we got into an argument about it, because I asked him again if he slept with her, he got really defensive, it was almost self incrimminating... He swears that he didn't, I found out almost a month ago now, and I am still having a hard time looking past. I am wondering if his reaction is out of frustration or if he is just not telling me the truth. I told him to take a lie detector test to see what his reaction would be, and he got REALLY upset... because his excuse was how are we supposed to build a relationship on trust if you are never going to believe me.... hmmmmmmm If I wasnt hiding anything my reaction would be BRING IT ON! What do you think? I am still trying to believe if he is lying... also trying to figure out if this second chance is going to work.
4whatItsWorth Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 About trust...you'll never be able to trust him unless he is willing to give you the truthful details over and over...he should not object to a lie detector test if that is what you need...however, emotional affairs can be far more damaging to a relationship than a physical one...the problem here is he had an emotional connection to someone else but you - not whether or not he made out once.
Ocean-Blue Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 What IF he's telling you the truth? Think about it from his side... At some point, you either believe him and move on, find "evidence" to support your suspicion, or continue to ask him the same thing over and over again (thereby digging yourself into a deeper hole).
SarahBeth04 Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 What IF he's telling you the truth? Think about it from his side... At some point, you either believe him and move on, find "evidence" to support your suspicion, or continue to ask him the same thing over and over again (thereby digging yourself into a deeper hole). Exactly. If you are really interested in working this thing out, at some point you are going to have to believe him, stop asking and take what steps are necessary for you to move on.
Author gonecrazy07 Posted October 11, 2007 Author Posted October 11, 2007 Thank you all for your input, I really really appreciate it. It is really hard, but I am working on forgivness. I am reading self help books.
ICallsEmAsISeesEm Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. One would think he'd be jumping at the chance to take a poly to prove that he's TELLING THE TRUTH, right? I mean, that would be his golden opportunity to put this thing to rest. Instead, he pulls the bullsh*t card, "how are we going to build TRUST if you won't just BELIEVE whatever I tell you?" That's basically what he's asking you to do. No wonder you're full of doubt. Your gut is screaming to you and you're ignoring it, hoping to find the answer in a self help book instead. Don't ignore your gut when it's screaming to you, GoneCrazy. There's a REASON for it.
child_of_isis Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 Yup! If he were telling the truth, he would jump at the chance of taking a poly...if for nothing more than being able to say.."nah nah..told you so ;-P" Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. One would think he'd be jumping at the chance to take a poly to prove that he's TELLING THE TRUTH, right? .
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