samwitch1313 Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Okay... everybody's got a story. Here's mine. (Bear with me... it's lengthy, but I really need some help here!) Mike and I met in Florida three and a half years ago. We dated some, but both had personal issues (drugs). He was also involved with another girl, so I just stopped contacting him so we could both get on with life. I didn't like Florida much, so I made plans to move back to Seattle. A month before I was to leave, Mike called me out of the blue, apologized for losing touch, told me he'd stopped seeing the other girl, struck up and conversation, and we spent almost every day together until I left (December 2004). I knew a long-distance thing wouldn't work well, so I didn't expect to keep in touch, but he called me while I was on the road and on Christmas Eve, New Year's Eve at midnight and again on my birthday (Jan 5). The contact continued, often daily. By March, and after countless hours on the phone, he had initiated "I love you" twice, and we had to see each other again, so I flew back down. We had a fun week together, though the drug thing plagued us, and he made me promise I'd go back to visit again. We talked at length about him moving to Washington with me, but when I got home, he stopped calling. A month later, he called to apologize, but didn't call again. I later learned the drugs had taken over his life. Painfully, I moved on and met a great guy a few months later. A year after, I was engaged to him, but I never stopped thinking about Mike. Then, few months after Hurricane Katrina, I decided to call Mike to see how he was and if it had affected the restaurant he worked at, but the owner told me when I called that Mike had been arrested on drug charges, had taken some time off and was at home if I wanted to call him there. I decided not to, since I now knew that he was at least alive, but six months later, two weeks after my wedding, I called the restaurant again. They told me that Mike was no longer there, but that he'd be happy to hear from me, because he'd been trying to get in touch with me with no luck. His number had changed, so I called his Mother whose number I DID have, and she told me how happy he would be to hear from me, as he'd been trying to track me down, but I have an unlisted number. She then asked if I'd called to wish him a Happy Birthday. (I honestly hadn't even remembered.) So I got his number from her and called him. He was so happy to hear from me. He'd gone to rehab six months prior and was making his way through a new, sober life. He said he'd wanted to track me down and let me know before I did something crazy like meet someone and get married, and sadly, my heart broke to tell him I already had. We were both so disappointed. I couldn't stop thinking of him for days straight afterward, but decided not to call him because I knew I'd fall for him all over again, and I had a new life now. Still, he sent me a text message on Thanksgiving, again on Christmas, and I received a beautiful letter from him in response to a Christmas card I'd sent him. In the letter, he apologized for everything and talked about how much he missed me and that he hoped we'd get to see each other again one day. I read the letter twice and put it away. I couldn't bear to see it. Seven months later, my marriage had already begun to fall apart (for other reasons). I called Mike in a moment of weakness and we talked on and on. We continued to talk daily for a few weeks, and then I stopped calling him. I was falling all over again. He'd send a message once a week or so asking where I'd gone and if he'd said something to make me upset. Eventually, I called back and explained that I was starting to get my hopes up about us again, and I was unsure of the timing. We cooled it for a few weeks, which brings us to current, a year and a half after he left rehab. My husband and I decided to officially separate, and Mike and I got right back into full-force communication. I love the way I feel when I talk to him, and we've made plans for me to go and see him in two weeks. We talked every day last week, and by Friday, I had to ask him where this was headed, and if I was just going to go down there and come home as "just friends" again. I think I caught him off guard, because we hadn't spoken of that yet. He said he had no idea what to do, and that we'd have to do some talking about it while I'm down there. It's been five days since that conversation, and he's not called since. Is he trying to tell me something, did I scare him, or is he having second thoughts? I don't know how guys think, and I've tried looking at other posts for advice, but there is no situation similar to mine. Anybody have any thoughts? Do guys get freaked out and retreat to their proverbial caves to think about this stuff, or have I officially scared him off? I hesitate to ask him, since even bringing it up caused him to back off. Harping on it might cause him to head for the hills, and my trip is in 10 days. Thoughts?
marley_86 Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Please edit and make paragraphs. that's just one long blur.
Author samwitch1313 Posted October 11, 2007 Author Posted October 11, 2007 Sorry, Marley, I'm long-winded! Shorter version below: Okay... everybody's got a story. Here's mine. (Bear with me... it's lengthy, but I really need some help here!) Mike and I met in Florida over three years ago. We dated, but he was using drugs and was also involved with another girl, so I just stopped contacting him. I didn't like Florida, so I planned to move back to Seattle. A month before I left, Mike called, apologized for losing touch and said he'd stopped seeing the other girl, and we spent almost every day together until I left (December 2004). I knew a long-distance thing wouldn't work, so I didn't expect to keep in touch, but he called while I was on the road and on Christmas Eve, New Year's Eve and on my birthday (Jan 5). The contact continued, often daily. By March 2005, after countless hours on the phone, he had initiated "I love you" twice, and we wanted to see each other again, so I flew back down. We had a fun week together, and we talked about him moving to Washington with me, but when I got home, he stopped calling. A month later, he called to apologize, but didn't call again. I later learned the drugs had taken over his life. Painfully, I moved on and met a great guy, and a year after, I was engaged to him, but I never stopped thinking about Mike. April 2006, I decided to call Mike to see how he was and if the storm had affected the restaurant he managed, but the owner said that Mike had been arrested on drug charges, had taken some time off and was at home if I wanted to call him there. I decided not to, since I now knew that he was at least alive. October 2006, two weeks after my wedding, I called the restaurant again. They told me that Mike was no longer there, but he'd been trying to get in touch with me. His number had changed, so I called his Mother, and she told me how happy he would be to hear from me, as he'd been trying to track me down, but I have an unlisted number. So I got his number from her. He was so happy to hear from me. He'd gone to rehab six months prior and was making his way through a new, sober life. He said he'd wanted to let me know before I did something crazy like meet someone and get married, and my heart broke to tell him I already had. I couldn't stop thinking of him for days straight afterward, but decided not to call him because I had a new life now. Still, he sent me a text message on Thanksgiving, again on Christmas, and I received a beautiful letter from him in response to a Christmas card I'd sent him. In the letter, he apologized for everything and talked about how much he missed me and that he hoped we'd get to see each other again one day. I read the letter twice and put it away. I couldn't bear to see it. Seven months later, my marriage had already begun to fall apart (for other reasons). I called Mike in a moment of weakness and we talked for a long time. We continued to talk daily for a few weeks, and then I stopped calling him. I was falling all over again. He'd send a text once a week or so asking where I'd gone and if he'd said something to make me upset. My husband and I decided to officially separate in July, and Mike and I got right back into full-force communication and we've made plans for me to go and see him in two weeks. We talked every day last week, and by Friday, I had to ask him where this was headed. I think I caught him off guard, because we hadn't spoken of that yet. He said he had no idea what to do, and that we'd have to do some talking about it while I'm down there. It's been five days since that conversation, and he's not called since. I don't know how guys think. Do they get freaked out and retreat to their proverbial caves to think about this stuff, or have I officially scared him off? I hesitate to ask him, since harping on it might cause him to head for the hills, and my trip is in 10 days. Thoughts?
betterthandead Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Do people get in marriages without thinking clearly what it really means? I'm all for marriage for anyone of any orientation but to me when two people marry it's only for the exact reasons why people divorce: 1. Money Resources and/or 2. Children ...My advice on your situation...Don't worry too much about it.
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