cucumber Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 I've been dating this guy for last two months and half. We had been doing great, from my point of view. So, it was a total shocker when he told me a week ago that he wants to stay platonic for little longer. I didn't grew up in this country and simply haven't figured out how "dating" works in this society. I'm puzzled and just confused. The situation is this; I met him via one of these online dating sites in July. Our schedules have been super hectic, yet we managed to squeeze meeting at least once a week and often much more. We have been physically attracted to each other as well as intellectually, for no doubt in mind. To me, there was no doubt he and I would cross the line sooner or later, so I rather kept things between us platonic, embracing that very precious tiny fraction of time in a relationship if it's going to last for a long time. Our hectic schedules made a good excuse to put it off for a long time. We were both looking forward to a calm, more normal work schedule in October, or at least that's how I preceived from his comments and behavior. When his last business trip was extended from 3 days to 10 days unexpectedly, however, I immediately sensed some significant change in his attitude. When we finally met in person soon after he returned, he dropped a bumb. His major out-of-state client now demands him on site or on trip at least 3-4 days a week, often a whole week to more. He said it was a struggle but has made up his mind that he's going to commit to the out-of-state client; therefore doesn't want to commit to a relationship with me in town for anywhere from 2 months to 6 months. He says he likes me a lot, wishes to continue seeing me whenever he's back in town while staying platonic for the time being. Is that my culturally different view that I believed, if a man is really into her, he would choose a relationship with her? I am totally confused!
Tony T Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 There are many reasons he could want to stay platonic with you a bit longer...for even forever. He may be dating somebody else you don't know about...and may or may not be ending that relationship. He may not be romantically into you. If he's not seeing anybody else you don't know about and he was very much into you he would be very interesting in pursuing romance with you unless he is gay. He may be anticipating leaving the area. He may still be deliberating on the pluses and minuses of dating someone from a different culture. There are way too many possible reasons and no purpose to speculate here. The best thing you can do is talk to him. However, you have to understand that if he has hidden reasons he doesn't want you to know about he will not tell you. On the other hand, he may have been very honest with you and just needs more time. The ONLY way you will know is to give him more time...and pay LOTS of attention to his behavior.
Star Gazer Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 We have been physically attracted to each other as well as intellectually, for no doubt in mind. To me, there was no doubt he and I would cross the line sooner or later, so I rather kept things between us platonic, embracing that very precious tiny fraction of time in a relationship if it's going to last for a long time. How do you KNOW that he is physically attracted to you? The second statement above implies that you haven't been physical at all with each other, which after two months would imply a lack of sexual attraction on his part.
Author cucumber Posted October 10, 2007 Author Posted October 10, 2007 How do you KNOW that he is physically attracted to you? The second statement above implies that you haven't been physical at all with each other, which after two months would imply a lack of sexual attraction on his part. Perhaps you are right but we were at least having sensual touches and kisses in public and private; just that we weren't having an intercourse . I don't usually take this long platonic phase. Often enough actually, I find it hard to keep men's hands off of me. But with him, I felt special and took an extra long step for good intention. Generally speaking, I receive comments from both men and women that I appear very attractive - but again that may be my dellusion.
jophil28 Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 Is that my culturally different view that I believed, if a man is really into her, he would choose a relationship with her? I am totally confused! His interest in you is LOW. He does NOT want to 'bleep' you. A man's sexual interest and arousal is like a light switch - it is either ON or OFF. His is OFF with you. Maybe he is bored already, he may be looking at his other options(lot of other women out there ) or whatever. And guess what ? There is nothing that you can do to excite him, change his mind or FIX him. A woman cannot love a man into loving her back . He either 'feels' it or he does not. Move on.
Author cucumber Posted October 11, 2007 Author Posted October 11, 2007 You know, as much as I want to believe there are many possibilities like Tony says, I think the others are right. It's my hunch and that, woman's, hunch is usually right. There are exceptions but exceptions are by definition extra-ordinary phenomena. I'm gonna go to a beach and soak up the sun now.
Author cucumber Posted October 11, 2007 Author Posted October 11, 2007 But then, I'm totally puzzled. He escorted me to nicest restaurants, went to romantic walks and concerts, introduced me to his closest friends, tried to meet me as soon as he or I returned from business trips. Should I have slept with him when he was obviously trying to put his hands into my pants, so to speak? When to end and how long is the right platonic phase?
Replicant Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Is that my culturally different view that I believed, if a man is really into her, he would choose a relationship with her? I am totally confused! No your views are not culturally different at all. If you are into someone that much a relationship is definitely what one would want!
jcster Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 I think the answer is simple. If it really bothers you that he won't have sex with you, then end it and find someone who will. Waiting for things to change eventually is a sure way to be disappointed. If it's not good now, it won't be good later.
jcster Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 And guess what ? There is nothing that you can do to excite him, change his mind or FIX him. A woman cannot love a man into loving her back . He either 'feels' it or he does not. Move on. A man will "bleep" anything that moves! Try moving...that oughta work.
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