kali420 Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 I've been pretty down lately. I have a group of friends that I made through work. We hung out a lot. I considered them "good friends". I always knew we weren't close like the friends I have back home. A woman came along at work. We started dating. Eventually, she broke up with me. I took it hard. Everyone knew I took it hard. I left the working place because it was hard seeing her at work everyday. I was still hanging out with those friends when I left my job. About a month after I left work, I come to find out she started dating a co-worker of mine there. They started dating a month before I left. I'm glad I left the place, because, I think I would have just quit. Not even having a back-up job. Anyways, a lot of people knew about this and wouldn't tell me. Granted, it had been seven months after the break-up. I felt really embarassed that people knew I was heart broken over it. Well, I go to a party and she and her boyfriend are there too. I just felt that I had more of a right to hang out with these people than they did. I felt that I was their friend first. I know its not right to think like that, but, thats how I felt. Again, everybody knew I took it hard. My insecurities made myself think that everyone thought I was a joke. Not being able to get over someone who broke up with me a long time ago. After we broke up and I left the working place, I never thought I would have to see her again. But there she was hanging out with my friends. I just couldn't believe it. In my mind I was thinking that she knew this would hurt me. Because I was trying to get back with her a couple months prior to her dating this guy. She also knew that these were the only friends I had really. These "friends" were the only ones I have made. I mean we hung out over three years or so. Then I go on vacation with some of these guys from the working place. This one guy (never considered him a real friend) tells me all about how she slept with one of his friends while dating me. Why tell me now, and not then? I thought to myself. Again, everyone knew about this too. I was just shocked. I realized these guys weren't my true friends, because I would've told my friend. Well, everyone knew it was the button to push to hurt my feelings. All I ever wanted was to be their friend. I always had respect for my friends. I felt disrespected. I felt like I was kicked out of the circle after everyone knew I was having a tough time dealing with everything. I noticed the calls to hang out stop coming after I found out she was dating the guy. There are maybe a couple of guys that would call me to hang out. But, they are all in that circle of friends. I just feel lonely, and kind of depressed about this whole thing. Yeah, I was hurt by her dating the guy. I was hurt because she was hanging out with my friends. I always felt I belonged in this group of friends. I guess its just tough to find out who people really are. I feel embarassed. I feel like I have no friends.
peter333 Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 From what I can tell by what you have said, I think your friends find it awkward being out with you and your ex at the same time, I think they feel tension in the air. I think that as you also no longer work with them, there isn’t that day to day interactive where they could have invited you out. As your ex is still working there, she is in daily contact with your friends and may have started to bond with them. There are two things I can suggest that may help your situation: Firstly see if you can get a girl friend. When other people see that you have moved on from your ex they may feel less awkward being out with you. Secondly it seems that they are ok with you when your ex isn’t there. This gives you the opportunity to invite them out, this way you can make sure your ex doesn’t come along. Hope this helps you
Author kali420 Posted October 18, 2007 Author Posted October 18, 2007 i see what youre saying. my ex actually mentioned that to me. that i wouldn't have cared if i was with someone else. i guess the one thing that hurt me the most was finding out what type of friendship i had with these people i work with. always felt like i belonged in this circle of friends. people only cared for 5 minutes. then knowing i was having a tough time dealing with this situation, turning their back on me.
Magnatolia Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Sorry but I think you're being a bit rough on them. You were heartbroken when you two broke up, and by the sound of things you haven't gotten over it after 7+ months. They most likely didn't tell you at the time because it would be like twisting the knife. I'm guessing they told you those things because they figured you were past the pain and it wouldn't be as bad. She has every right to be friends with them as you do. I'm sorry but you're being selfish by saying that they were your friends first and she shouldn't be friends with them. I agree with the other poster. They obviously don't want you in the group because of the tension. And I don't believe you 'found' what type of relationship you have with these friends, you created the change in the friendship. They want to go out and have fun (they including the girl who has every right to be there), but they know that you will be depressed and there goes the fun. My only advice is that you need to get past the pain otherwise you could lose these friends for good. She cheated on you. Is she worth losing your friends??
Author kali420 Posted October 20, 2007 Author Posted October 20, 2007 too late for that...seems like i already lost these "friends". i never made it to be a situation to choose me or her. but, it seems the decision has already been made. i left the working place to get away from her. i never figured that she would start hanging out with them. and youre right, she has a right to hang out with them too. i felt replaced by her new boyfriend. kicked out of the circle and replaced. i am just really depressed. i feel so alone. no friends. it really sucks. seems like no one understands me. i guess it feels like ive been made a fool of. and youre right.they don't want me in the group. i get depressed and there does go the fun. its been a cycle with this pain of mine. i get over her. i leave the working place. she hooks up with the guy and i take it harder. no one bothers to tell me. she starts hanging out with my friends. i take it harder. people making fun of me because of it doesn't help. finding out my "friends" really dont care, really sucks. so yeah, i know its my problem. but, really felt disrespected. felt unimportant to these friends. and this is just icing on the cake too. because i have a lot more going on. just been dealing with it too long. and it sucks not being able to get over the hump, because i think about this way too much.
Recommended Posts