msplion Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 My girlfriend of over 2 and half years called me three days ago and gave me the whole speech about how "we need to talk." Let me preface this by saying that she just recently went away to college and everything in her life is changing. She says that she loves me and that I could be the one and she could totally she herself marrying me. Problem is that I'm her first real anything.... like the first guy she brought home to mom, first real anything that there is in a relationship. So she said she doesn't feel like she should necessarily be in an exclusive relationship. She says that there's no guys around her at college that make her that she wants to fool around with, or get into a relationship. She said that she wants just think about herself right now and be able to be selfish. She said she can't go out and have a good time cause she can never let her guard down around most any guy she meets. She's always afraid, like paranoid of the fact that if she does some drunken mistake that I'll never be able to forgive her or she'll never be able to forgive herself. After talking with her about it for like seemingly forever (8 hours over 3 days) I decided that if this break is what you need to work things than do it. And like during this break she says that she still wants to talk me/see and tells me she loves me like we normally but I think she just wants the option to like experience stuff and not feel tied down cause we are both still young (I'm 22, she's 19). But I need a fresh prespective cause chances are I'm not thinking straight. I guess what I am really asking is, do you guys/girls that I'm just wasting my time or will break really work? Any Feedback is greatly appreciated.
oppath Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 I'd suggest "let's break up, and if we're brought back together naturally, it will happen." Here's the deal: by taking this break, she gets her needs met and you don't get yours. She can flirt, push boundaries with other guys, and not worrying about hurting your feelings, while you are kept on a string. For you, flirting with other people etc will feel unauthentic and likely make you feel guilty. You want to be with her. She doesn't want to be with you. My impression is that she simply doesn't know what she wants but is too young and immature to truly examine herself and risk losing you. Basically, because you are her first, she doesn't know quite what she is feeling, only that she needs and wants a change, and she doesn't know how to break things off with you.
Author msplion Posted October 10, 2007 Author Posted October 10, 2007 I don't know though, because I think she'll feel guilty either way. Whether she'd do it while we're in a relationship or on a break or whatever. And while I do agree with you that anything I'd do would feel unauthentic. I think that if she truly wants/needed a change she'd have come right out and broken up with me. Cause taking a break doesn't seem very far from an actual break up. And I can see us naturally coming back together based on the simpe fact we're in a long distance relationship so I'd never see her and getting back together would probably never happen.
tomwiz Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 You're her safety net, dont be that guy. You'll come up to visit and she'll have to hide guys..I agree with the above poster, just end it, if its meant to happen it will.
Author msplion Posted October 10, 2007 Author Posted October 10, 2007 That very well maybe true Tom. And believe me I have no intention of being one for long. But I think that I should atleast not give up on this so soon. I love her, we've had no real problems other than distance, and I don't think that at this point I should just be like "it's over". I just feel like a should atleast give it sometime. Probably not like a huge amount of time, maybe a week or two and just see where we're at.
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