lovecrossed Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 About six months ago my girlfriend of two years dumped me. During our relationship she was manipulative and treated me like a doormat, but I had grown attached to her so the break was devestating. About a month after she called it quits, I met a wonderful woman with two young children. I wan't expecting to meet someone else so soon, but it just happened. We went out on three dates and I found we had a lot in common and strong chemistry. I know the conventional wisdom is not to get involved so soon after a breakup, but I ignored all my better instincts because I was so taken with this new woman. After date three my ex sent me an email saying she wanted to give things another shot. I didn't respond to the email, but she finally reached me over the phone and we spoke for two hours. She broke down and apologized profusely for the way she had treated me, said I was the love of her life, etc, etc. I was weak and believed her or let myelf. I did something terrible -- the kind of thing I hate other guys for doing -- and flaked on this new girl. Long story short after getting back together with my ex I realized what a mistake I had made. She was soon back to her old ways and things ended between us within weeks. I broke things off this time. I now realize what I mistake I made in letting go of this other woman who was such a sweetheart and pretty much everything I was looking for. So my question: is there any way of winning a girl back after you've flaked on her? Or would I just look like more of a jerk for contacting her at this late date? (it's been a few months since we last spoke) Even if she doesn't take me back I feel like I owe her some sort of apology or explanation but I'm wondering if contacting her again would just upset her more. I feel extremely remorseful about what I did to her.
garnet Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 Yes, you messed up and it could take some work to get this woman to be interested in you again. However, having had someone flake on me a few months ago myself, I can say I still harbor hopes that he'll show up again and have some really good explanation. I would probably at least be willing to hear what he had to say. But depending on how he approached me and the way he explained himself, I may or may not want to see him again. You do need to express your genuine remorse and not make excuses for your behavior. Based on your history with this other woman and vulnerability at the time, she may be willing to forgive you. It's hard to say though. The way I see it, you have nothing to lose.
SouthernT Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 Dejavu for me. In this situation, I am the girl he met right after his break up. He did the exact same thing that you are doing now. (I'm sure you are familiar w/ my story, everybody on has listened to me rack my brain about this guy for a year now.) Just like you are thinking of doing, he contacted me out of the blue a month and a half later to apologize face to face. Thing about, he STILL flakes on me. Point being, if your not serious about getting to know her, then it's fair to her. If you want to call just to apologize for flaking, then that's fine, but leave at that and dont take it any further. And if you are serious, you have to put forth the effort because from a woman's perspective, she may be kind enough to at least hear you out, but you already have one strike against ya.
Author lovecrossed Posted October 10, 2007 Author Posted October 10, 2007 Dejavu for me. In this situation, I am the girl he met right after his break up. He did the exact same thing that you are doing now. (I'm sure you are familiar w/ my story, everybody on has listened to me rack my brain about this guy for a year now.) Just like you are thinking of doing, he contacted me out of the blue a month and a half later to apologize face to face. Thing about, he STILL flakes on me. Point being, if your not serious about getting to know her, then it's fair to her. If you want to call just to apologize for flaking, then that's fine, but leave at that and dont take it any further. And if you are serious, you have to put forth the effort because from a woman's perspective, she may be kind enough to at least hear you out, but you already have one strike against ya. Yes, I am definitely serious about this woman. I wouldn't do the same thing to her again and have absolutely no desire to take my ex back. She's contacted me several times since our last breakup and I haven't responded. As far as I'm concerned nothing she says or does can win me back. I am sorry to hear the guy you were seeing did this to you as well.
Author lovecrossed Posted October 10, 2007 Author Posted October 10, 2007 You do need to express your genuine remorse and not make excuses for your behavior. Based on your history with this other woman and vulnerability at the time, she may be willing to forgive you. It's hard to say though. The way I see it, you have nothing to lose. Would an initial email or phonecall be more appropriate?
SouthernT Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 Yes, I am definitely serious about this woman. I wouldn't do the same thing to her again and have absolutely no desire to take my ex back. She's contacted me several times since our last breakup and I haven't responded. As far as I'm concerned nothing she says or does can win me back. I am sorry to hear the guy you were seeing did this to you as well. Thanks. And the thing is, this guy keeps flaking on me and I am actually crazy about him. And he has no idea. Sometimes, you have to take the time out to put yourself in someone else's shoes. I'm old enough to face reality, but that doesnt mean that it doesnt hurt at the same time. So now this woman will have to decide if she should take you back...or write you off because you might flake on her again. Why would she put herself through the pain again? (not saying that you would) but if your gonna do it, then do it with everything you've got and do it the right way. If something doesnt work out in life, whatever that may be, you HAVE to be able to say "I tried, and I gave it everything I had" after everything is said and done.
SouthernT Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 Would an initial email or phonecall be more appropriate? Pick up the phone and call her and leave her a sincere message if she doesnt pick up so that you at least get it off your chest. Email/Texting is not personal enough.
PrincessBOT Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 About six months ago my girlfriend of two years dumped me. During our relationship she was manipulative and treated me like a doormat, but I had grown attached to her so the break was devestating. About a month after she called it quits, I met a wonderful woman with two young children. I wan't expecting to meet someone else so soon, but it just happened. We went out on three dates and I found we had a lot in common and strong chemistry. I know the conventional wisdom is not to get involved so soon after a breakup, but I ignored all my better instincts because I was so taken with this new woman. After date three my ex sent me an email saying she wanted to give things another shot. I didn't respond to the email, but she finally reached me over the phone and we spoke for two hours. She broke down and apologized profusely for the way she had treated me, said I was the love of her life, etc, etc. I was weak and believed her or let myelf. I did something terrible -- the kind of thing I hate other guys for doing -- and flaked on this new girl. Long story short after getting back together with my ex I realized what a mistake I had made. She was soon back to her old ways and things ended between us within weeks. I broke things off this time. I now realize what I mistake I made in letting go of this other woman who was such a sweetheart and pretty much everything I was looking for. So my question: is there any way of winning a girl back after you've flaked on her? Or would I just look like more of a jerk for contacting her at this late date? (it's been a few months since we last spoke) Even if she doesn't take me back I feel like I owe her some sort of apology or explanation but I'm wondering if contacting her again would just upset her more. I feel extremely remorseful about what I did to her. Lovecroossed I read your dilemma and the first thing I thought was well if he really liked the woman he was dating the excitement of the new might have won out over going back to the proven minipulative ex. I mean what did your ex say that mad you forget her minipulative ways and how she treated you like a doormat and make you leave this new exciting woman that you had chemistry with? Do you really like this particular woman or would any woman due that treats you better than your ex? If it is not this particular woman,then you should let her be because no one it does seem like she deserves to be the back up woman. If it is this particular woman then call her and give a humble and sincere apology and plan to put 100% effort into making sure nothing else like this happen in the near future. That that means calling when you say you are calling, not speaking to your ex, being attentive to her etc.
PrincessBOT Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 CORRECTION: Do you really like this particular woman or would any woman due that treats you better than your ex? If it is not this particular woman,then you should let her be because it doesn't seem like she deserves to be the back up woman.
SouthernT Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 CORRECTION: Do you really like this particular woman or would any woman due that treats you better than your ex? If it is not this particular woman,then you should let her be because it doesn't seem like she deserves to be the back up woman. Right. She doesnt deserve it, not only her, but no woman deserves that.
jophil28 Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 About six months ago my girlfriend of two years dumped me. During our relationship she was manipulative and treated me like a doormat..., ...my ex sent me an email saying she wanted to give things another shot. I didn't respond to the email, but she finally reached me over the phone and we spoke for two hours. She broke down and apologized profusely for the way she had treated me, . Read the part where you said that she was "manipulative " --huh ? Crying is the most basic and most juvenile of a woman's manipulations . I just laugh and walk away when they pull that Sh*T.. You burned the other woman for a second chance with that shrew ? WTF were you thinking ? Quality women do not act like that - EVER. Maybe you just need to go back to #2 and tell her that you had a "personal crisis" and apologize ( you do NOT owe her an explanation of all the facts) - take her to Starbucks and tease her with some humor. Get her past the 'flaking' incident emotionally , and don't flake again. Flaking is for ditzy teenage girls . YOu are a man - men act with honor..
Krytie TV Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 men act with honor.. Are you kidding me? Since when? I see a lot of things going on around me, and honor is very low on the list.
samwitch1313 Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 I agree... all is not lost, but it will take some work. Any self-respecting woman won't just roll over for a guy who come back with a mere apology after bailing on her. Explain your situation honestly, and hopefully she'll appreciate the truth. If she doesn't, she will obviously have her own reasons why (maybe she's been burned before, maybe she's inflexible, who knows?) But the bottom line here is, yes, there's a chance, and you won't know until you take it. Good luck!
Pentula77 Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Just a question that may help a few people...what was the girls response when you flaked on her...did she just cut you out, did you tell her you went back to your old girlfriend or did you just stop calling. Did she just say sorry I don't go out with flakers ? Cheers
birdie Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 also would be curious as to what exactly happened when you flaked. did you not turn up at a date? or just didn't call her when you were supposed to? there are various degrees of flaking
jophil28 Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 . I did something terrible -- the kind of thing I hate other guys for doing -- and flaked on this new girl. . OK, so you did a thoughtless thing - flaking is inexcusable ,it indicates poor character. Having said that you need to clean up your mess. Contact #2 and apologize - not in an attempt to weedle your way back in , but because it is the RIGHT THING to do. You are a man - act manly with respect, with honor and dignity.
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