Getting the last of my stuff

[lexi29]

I appologize for posting here so much, I just desperately need advice, some one to talk to. Something. I can't really talk to my friends about this because it was such a shock to me. I mean three weeks ago I was all excited telling my friends how my bf told me he was thinking about asking me to marry him in the very near future. Now I look like a dumb a** telling them oh yeah he left me for someone else. The only person I have to talk to is my sister and she is 6 hours away and I don't want to talk to her about this every day. That would drive her crazy. Anyhow I just wondering how do you "replace" what you lost when an important relationship is over? My bf (boyfriend and best friend) and I were together for 3 years, friends for the last six. I love his 8 yr old son like my own nephew or something. My bf was my everything- looking forward to spending time with him on the weekends was what got my thru work every day. He was my emotional support, my confidant, he was the person who listened, he met my needs for conversation (we could laugh and talk for hours), he met my need for affection- he is one of the most affectionate people I know- always hugging me, holding my hand, kissing me, constantly touching me, rubbing my back there is always contact. he met my sexual needs- we had so much fun in bed and he's the first guy I've known that was so willing to try whatever I suggested. He was wild and crazy but such an attentive lover. He met my need for adventure- we were always going somewhere new and he encouraged me to try things I never thought I'd enjoy. I had a great relationship with his son (full time dad so his son was always around) if this would have happened a year ago I could have handled it- we were having some problems a year ago and were'nt as close. But in the last three months, he encouraged me to immerse myself so completely in their lives, to tie my life with his and he was talking about marriage and told me every day (until a week ago) that this was what he always wanted (all lies evidently)

 

Now he has someone else (that he cheated on after two days!) and all I"m left with is this big empty hole and a life that just seems pointless. I have no emotional support, no affection, no sex, no conversation, no one to make me laugh, no one to cuddle with, no one to confide in, no best friend, nothing to look forward to. I mean I have friends but none that even come close to the level of intimacy that he and I shared. I have to go to his apartment today to pick up the last of my things and I really hope he's not giving me back all the pictures he has of the three of us (like he wants to pretend I never existed.) He already told me I can't see his son, can't even say goodbye to him. I know he's moved on, I don't want him back. wouldn't take him back if he came crawling. I just don't understand why led me on, if he wanted to be with her (he didn't cheat on me but just jumped from one relationship to the other in a matter of days- did cheat on her with me though cause I didn't know they were together- found out by accident) why didn't he just leave me? not encourage me to spend every day for the last 3 months with him. I was fine before that- I was a normal person, I wasn't as attached to him. I could have walked away more easily. I'm scared to see him tonight. Afraid he's going to hurt me more with his words. Afraid he is going to be cold and mean. I'm afraid SHE might be there and watch me gather my stuff and walk away while she smirks.

[wizer]

He broke up with you just like that, after 3 years? Won't even let you see his son, who you are very close too...met someone else, who he is still with, even though he cheated on HER after only 2 days?

 

Sounds like he's not right in the head. Unless there's more to the story.

[norajane]

So don't go there. Leave your things. You can get new things.

[lexi29]

Yes, broke up with me out of the blue after 3 years.

Last saturday- we went to lunch and afterwards he told me he didnt' want me to come back to his apartment with him. He didnt' have his son that weekend and said he needed to hang curtains and clean his apartment and take a nap and just wanted to be alone. That was weird but he called me later that night and talked to me for over an hour.

 

Last sunday he asked me if I can start picking his son up from daycare every day after work- I agreed.

 

Last Tuesday only 2 days later he told me he wanted to end things- that he wanted to be single and that he loved being with me and all but he felt tied down. The next day I saw him, got most of my stuff (we didnt' live together), we slept together, and he told me he wanted a week to think about things and that we were NOT broken up yet but to just give him space. So I did 3 days of no contact. (during these three days he started dating an ex of his that recently came into his life again- he had assured me they were just FRIENDS- and they really didn't even talk more than once a week- he was helping her out with some personal problems. I actually thought she was sort of MY friend too. big mistake.

 

this past saturday (three days after we last saw eachother) I told him he could stop thinking about whether or not he wanted to be with me becasuse I was ending it. That I was letting go because it was the right thing to do (killed me but I couldn't take the waiting to find out if he still wanted to be with me) He was upset by this for some reason. I thought he'd be happy. When I went to get my stuff from his apartment again- his son was there and my bf was acting like he hadnt' seen me in a year or something! He was all over me, tellling me Oh my god you look so hot in that (jeans and tank top- normal, i didnt' dress up for him) and he kept praising my body (i'm very fit) and acting like he couldn't believe how good I looked (when I always looked like this) It was strange but flaterring. He kept grabbing my butt and trying to get his hands down my shirt (he is 30 years old) and he sent his son to the neighbors. He told me he missed me, wondered if I was seeing anyone else already, I asked him the same he said no he wanted to be single. He suggested we have good bye sex, I said no, He persisted. he spent 15 minutes trying to talk me into it. He did everything he knows I like to tease me. finally I gave in but I must have said no at least five times. but the attraction to him was still there so I did it. It was awesome. He took his time, did all kinds of foreplay, did our favorite sex positions, did it on his bed, on the kitchen table etc. So much fun. Afterwards he cuddled with me, took a shower together. he suggested maybe we should be FWB, I said no. All thru having sex he kept saying my name over and over, telling me what a fantastic body I have and that it felt so good to him. It was intense.

 

Well I shared this with his ex (accidently- I had NO idea at all that they were involved. I was talking to her telling her how upset I was and how I'd last seen him on saturday and todl her about our "goodbye sex" and suddenly she was furious with me. thats when I figured it out. He lied to her for the entire day- told her I was crazy, told her I wanted to break them up so I could be with him and that I made the story up. I finally got him on a recording appologizing to me for hurting me by not telling me about her being the reason he broke up with me. He siad he knew sleeping with me on saturday (when he'd only been dating her for two days and was going to see her that same night!) would really hurt her/devastate her but that he didn't care because he saw me and I looked so hot he had to have sex with me. That he wanted one more time with me he didnt' care if she got hurt. and that she was never supposed to find out.

 

The reason he won't let me see his son is because of the "trouble" that I caused. Yeah, I caused it. I was confiding in someone I thought was a friend (she called ME when she was going to slit her wrists becasue she was so upset about 2 months ago) and told her about my bf's strange behavior. I had no idea that she was the other woman as far as he had told me there was no other woman. and I gave her all the details because she deserved to know. backstabbing b*tch. Karma sucks doesn't it. Plus she should know what he's capable of. Obviously She didn't mean that much to him if he can't go more than 24 hours into a new relationship without being unfaithful. It would have been diff. if I was the one who went over there and tried to seduce him. but it totally wasn't that way at all. He is withholding his son from me because SHE decided to give him another chance and even though I have no intentions of every being with him again she doesn't want him talking to him. So I can't have any contact with his son and that hurts like hell because I love him so much.

 

She doesn't have to worry about ME. I don't want my ex anymore. he's taken. i don't do someone else's scraps. If I'd known he was taken on saturday I would have never slept with him. And he knows that. She should be worrying about every other female out there that is willing to let him in her pants. I mean if he'll cheat on her after only 2 days (and this is actually a girl he claims to have deep feelings for and he's been in her situation adn was tryign to help her- she is a single mom with 2 yr old whose ex doens't pay support but wants to challenge her for custody.)

So the not being able to see his son thing is punishment for spilling the beans to his new girlfriend about his unfaithfulness.

 

I didn't know until yesterday (Tuesday) that he was dating her. Found out by

[Sweetcheripie]

Wow! I would just forget about the rest of the "stuff" Leave it there. Or if you really really must have it, tell him what you need (on the phone or by text), tell him to box it or bag it and leave it outside and have a friend go over with you to get it. If you don't want to involve a friend or you really don't have anybody to go with you - go in a taxi and have the taxi cab driver assist you with the getting the items. I wouldn't be alone with that guy.

 

I know it is hard and I'm sure the thought of the 8 year old is pulling on your heartstrings. Poor little one and maybe someday you two will be provided a chance to say goodbye but for now just leave it alone.

 

Get busy and go out. Go to the gym, library, wherever there are lots of people and you enjoy. Do not stay home waiting for the phone to ring. Go online and look up volunteer opportunities - and JOIN.

[Fancee]

Why can't he bring you your things? For sure you are going to get mistreated or smirked, etc. They will be nice nasty if nothing more. Have your stuff sitting on the

door step when you arrived? Get him to drop them ate someone house. Let both of them bring your stuff to you, and tell them to leave on the door step once you see it is them at the door. Say you had just stepped out of the shower and you couldn't open the door wide.

[lexi29]

So it wasn't so bad. He called me, was very abrupt told me he left the door unlocked and I could get my stuff. He wouldn't be there. I was grateful that I wouldn't have to see him but at the same time wanted to see him because I need closure. I mean the last time we saw each other was on Saturday and that was when he was all happy to see me (and talked me into sex) unfortuanlately he was already dating HER at the time and I had no idea. I just feel like I need to talk to him and tell him goodbye. I really do need to say goodbye to his son. I went in his apartment and got my stuff and his apartment felt like such a foreign place. Like I wasn't welcome. I got all of my stuff- he had left the picture he used to have of me on his nightstand on the table with the rest of my stuff he'd gathered. I didn't want to take it so I put it in his closet. If he wants to throw it away he can. He had gotten rid of all of my letters and cards I gave him (they used to be in a box in his closet.) there was a note on the table that I was probably meant to see. It said "I love you" in his handwriting and "I love you too with a big heart and smile in a woman's handwriting. Wow that hurt. I couldn't believe he loves her already!!! How can he replace me so quickly?

 

I take comfort in the fact that he may THINK he loves her but obviously he doesn't have much regard for her feelings since he slept with me two days after he asked her to be his girlfriend. And he's not a teenager. he's a 30 year old "man" who knows better. I mean he devastated her by doing that with me. And though some sick angry part of me would like to take credit for hurting her, I didn't have anything to do with it because I didn't have any idea she was his girlfriend!! I mean he was telling ME he still wanted more time to figure out if he wanted to be with me! So i had no way of knowing.

 

Anyway after I left I felt a sense of calm. That I was done with that step and maybe could move on though. but as I drove him I ended up crying for about an hour. Hopefully the worst is over.