PrincessBOT Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 So I had this mentality that I will not be in another relationship after being hurt by my ex of 2 years. I didn't even want to date, but I felt someone new to go out with would help me move on. I accepted a date after turning a few down, I just wasn't ready. I met this guy online and the following happened 1. We emailed 2. We talked on the phone 3. He wanted to set up a date within a week, we set a date and time 4. The day came and I had to track him down via phone and what seems like convince him to keep the time we set. 5. We talked on the phone more 6. We decide to meet up again a week late, set a day and time 7. The next day he tells me his cousin and her boyfriend wanted to go out with him this is after we made out date, well it was the same day and time as our date 8. He told me he would let me know if our plans were still on 9. I made other plans and he never called. 10. He called the day after our supposed second date, I didn't answer he left a message. 11. It's been 2 days and I have not called back and don't plan to. He is a high earned and his job takes a lot of his time, I understand that which is why I can deal with the work that goes into finding time to fit in a date. However, it pisses me off that it seems like we makes solid plans to meet up then either acts if we had not actually decided on a date and time. By the way I like him and he is the most eligible person I have met in a while, which is why I accepted the date. I have been to his home and it seems like a bachelor pad. When we went on the date we had a good time. I feel very fragile right now and would prefer not to deal with this, but part of me thinks don't give up. The other part thinks if he was excited and interested he would not do this. Should I call him and see where this goes? Or should I just forget about it and assume he is not as interested in getting together as he seems on the phone?
oppath Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 Forget about it. Only go on dates with guys who don't flake. If he schedules a date with you, he should keep. Extenuating circumstances are just that: extenuating. They aren't common and should be infrequent. Even if you date someone regularly, if every other time something comes up, drop them like a bag of bricks.
wizer Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 He is probably dating other women and he is keeping you on the back burner in case something doesn't work out with one of the others. He's making excuses which are less than believable, and he is being inconsiderate and dishonest with you. Forget about him, at least until/unless he calls you and sets up a firm date that he promises will be kept. And even then, be careful with this guy. Some red flags with this one. Some guys are like that. Welcome back to the dating world. You're in for a bit of a ride.
LoveLace Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 What did his message say? Just curious. But it whatever excuse he had would have to be a very good one, like he had to rush his mother to the hospital...but I say forget it, forget him, due to your "fragile" state as you call it, it doesn't sound like you do need this kind of crap to deal with...well none of us do, at any time for that matter. He's probably moved on by now and might even realize he was a jerk, but actually I guess it's up to you to decide weather or not you want to give him a "second chance"...just remember "f*** me once, shame on you....f*** me twice, shame on me"....but your just now returning to the dating scene and such so you should leave your options open, no need to work too hard for this guy, cuz there will be others who won't disappoint you.
Author PrincessBOT Posted October 10, 2007 Author Posted October 10, 2007 Thank you for your this responses. It really puts it into perspective. What you all expressed is what I felt which is like this should not feel bad and be so much work so early on. But our conversations were good so of course the notion seeps in that even if he is dating others, maybe we might work out if we could just get to know each other. That is what I really wanted, to get to know him better. It seemed like we clicked on the first date, but I didn't feel like I'd found out enough about him and I preferred to ask some questions face to face. Besides I wasn't looking to tie him down, just a romantic interest to talk to and go out with right now, no pressure. By the way the message just said hi and that it was him and to give him a call. Nothing else. I honestly didn't expect him to call.
LoveLace Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Like I said...up to you to decide if he deserves a second chance. From our perspective it certainly doesn't seem he does; but your the one who has dated him and knows him; is he worth risking this happening again?
Phateless Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 I'm gonna be the typical shallow man here, but... have you guys exchanged pictures? I've met a few people from online (both good and bad experiences) and that's one of the things that causes the most problems. You get to know someone, then meet up and you aren't attracted. Damn... He could also be just plain scared. I recently had one I REALLY liked flake on me after we spent 2 hours a day on the phone daily over 6 weeks. That hurt. If you like him, hang in there and meet him, then make a decision based on that.
LoveLace Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 He's only called once, right? If it's been a while and he hasn't attempted to call you a 2nd time....he probably suspects you are livid. He's probably hoping you'll get over it and call him up....if you do call him you should expect an explanation for his behavior...you could always decide, based on his excuse, weather or not he deserves another chance...up to you though
Author PrincessBOT Posted October 11, 2007 Author Posted October 11, 2007 I'm gonna be the typical shallow man here, but... have you guys exchanged pictures? I've met a few people from online (both good and bad experiences) and that's one of the things that causes the most problems. You get to know someone, then meet up and you aren't attracted. Damn... He could also be just plain scared. I recently had one I REALLY liked flake on me after we spent 2 hours a day on the phone daily over 6 weeks. That hurt. If you like him, hang in there and meet him, then make a decision based on that. Our profiles had our pictures, several of them, face and body. I did change my hair that very week we met in person. It was shorter, but the style I must say is absolutley beautiful and fits my face. Strangers, co-workers,family and friends confirmed. If a hair style can make him flake, then I am better off not calling him.
Author PrincessBOT Posted October 11, 2007 Author Posted October 11, 2007 I am posting this seperate, I came in the house a few minutes ago and realized that my phone had dialed a couple of people. It was in my purse and I guess I didn't put the key lock on, its a pda style phone. Well my phone called my ex of 2 years aunt and also the the same guy who flaked on me. From the length of the calls either messages were left on their phones or they were listening. I can't believe it, why couldn't my phone have dialed my friends and family. Darnit. I am trying to decide if I should them back and explain or just hope they realize it was a mistake. My ex's aunt is not really that much of a problem she is a nice lady, but the flaking date I don't know. I am still thinking about this.... Thank you all for your feedback.
Author PrincessBOT Posted October 12, 2007 Author Posted October 12, 2007 Ok, so he saw my missed call and called back. I missed his call, but out of curiosity I called him back. I didn't say anything about our missed date until he said what you don't like me any more. I figured it was reverse physcology whe he pretends like he is the one wronged. Anyway I obviously had to remind him that we had plans Sunday. He said it slipped his mind, I started laughing. He rambled something about he thinks that's the day his father or brother got sick. I burst out laughing even harder, I mean which one was it the brother or the father or both. He finally decided it was his father. So he tells me he is so busy with work and he is not out there whoring around, that's not what it is. He says he want to go far with me (I am thinking, I like you but I barely know you and you can't know me anymore than I know you and your actions are not showing it). He then says something is wrong I am at home alone and you are at home alone. It was almost 9:30pm and he wanted us to meet up at one of our houses. In the end that wasn't going to happen and I won't be available the next night. So I told him I don't know about making plans with him again and we can play it by ear.( he still doesn't know that I didn't call him on purpose, it was by mistake) He then laid a guilt trip, saying he is trying and asked me to work with him. I said okay Saturday, he said we'd go for a movie and dinner, and then he had to take a call. He said he'd call me back. Something just isn't right. I don't feel excited about him anymore, I sense something off, like his genuine interest. So figuring he was still on his call I texted, him that I forgot I already had plans for Saturday. I don't want to date him anymore. I mean he is a very intelligent man and he proved he knows what this looked like by saying he isn't whoring around. I am just not interested anymore. Thanks for reading, feel free to back me up on this.
Phateless Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 I back you up. He sounds like he's not worth the trouble. Keep moving.
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