amythan Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 Hi, I am posting this here because i feel i can not handle this and i would need some advise. I had a relationship for several months with a guy much younger than me. He is living in another country and our cultural backgrounds are pretty different so i realize that it would not be easy. But despite of that, i love him deeply. More than i thought i can, i let him be in the position to hurt me bacause i am crazy for him. I went to vising him end august and we had a perfect time. I has the happiest person in the world and he asked me to come back soon and i promised to do it in two weeks. From this day he NEVER replied an email. I cried for two weeks and i wondered why he 'fades away'. Finally i called him and he had a drink discussing the situation. I never blamed his behaviour and i told him that i understand that even if he hurt me i wanted to trust that he was doing his best. He told me that he has many many feelings for me but this has no sense and you know as me that there is not future here ... He was sweet and he cried both. I was devasted. We decided to stay friends and we exchange several mails every day because i prefer this than nothing, but at some point i realized this situation was killing me. I do not feel it is normal be so close. So i decided to do the big mistake. I sent an email saying that i missed him so much, i loved him and i am sure about my feelings. I do not thing there is no future here. I understand if he is over me it could seems silly but i care too much and if he really has these feeling i would like to try. I also said i am not rushed so you can take your time. He tried to contact me the day after but i was not here. He send me an email 'i am def not ignoring your email, i will write back soon'. On monday he sent me another one saying that he planned to write me over the weekend but he lost his bberry and he will do it soon. He said i thought of you this morning. Today he exchange several stupid small talk emails but no mention to 'The Email'. I start to think he will never reply but i do not want to ask or rush him. But if he does not reply i cannot talk to him anymore because i put all my feelings there and i deserve at least two lines saying 'thank you for you email but i do not thing this is possible'. I can not accept that how i feel has any importance here, specially if we want to stay friends. If he says no, i will never ask again and i move on knowing that i did the best i knew. This is the worst situation .. wait .. how long ?? Sorry for being so long but i am feeling terrible and stuoid and i can not stop to cry. I start to thing if he was making fun of me and he never had these feeelings for me. I think that i wanted to belive him but if he really loves me he would not give up... I feel so sad ..
norajane Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 I also said i am not rushed so you can take your time. Since you told him this, then you can't expect him to jump and answer you immediately. However, he may be right in that this doesn't make a lot of sense and a future between you is in question. He lives in another country, he's much younger, and your cultural backgrounds are very different. Those are pretty big obstacles for anyone to take on. When you say you were in this relationship for several months, how often did you actually see each other? Was it only that one visit in August? Maybe this relationship was destined to be a friendship. I know you have a lot of feelings for him, but if it's unrealistic that you'll ever be able to be together, it might be wise to let it go. You're missing out on people whom you could see every day.
Author amythan Posted October 10, 2007 Author Posted October 10, 2007 Thanks you for your post ! I thought a lot about this and i made a decision, i really want to do my best to make this works but i accept if he does not feel the same. I knew him two years ago (we work togheter) , we are friends and we fell in love, as least i did. We saw each other several times during the last months and he always was scared saying if we continue to see eachother we will be more and more attached and we will get hurt. But we continue anyway and we discussed every day and i was just happy. I am really want to be with him but i am also realistic. I would like to take things slow and move to london if this works. I do not really feel this as problem. But he wants a family and he thinks i do not, but this is not true. I do not know ! he wants something going somewhere and he can not believe i can want the same. I understand it is difficult but i am sure about my feelings.
Author amythan Posted October 10, 2007 Author Posted October 10, 2007 i feel awful, i would like so much he would be back. i do not know what to do if he never replies. If he replies but he does not want to be with me we will be friends, perhaps not next month but we will manage to be friends because we care and we always had fun together. But if he does not reply i will lost him for good and i am not ready for this. But in this case continue as if nothing happens will be lost also my dignity. I never loved someone in this way and i am missing him so much. Perhaps we should have less contact these days, actually we feel pretty weird .. the email is there and he knows i need and answer, and he told me he will reply .. and again i prefer trust him .. How long should i wait before considering he will never reply ??? I can not stop thinking of him and i want to stop crying but i do not know how to do it ..
Author amythan Posted October 11, 2007 Author Posted October 11, 2007 I got an email saying 'i would like to talk to you rather than reply ur email, i would prefer you hear from my own mouth' .. What does it mean ???????? I am so stressed, i do not know what to expect ... What should i do ? How should i react ? I need some advice, please !
norajane Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Why are you so stressed that he actually wants to have a conversation with you rather than a one-sided email? It will give both of you a chance to express your feelings honestly and to ask questions so you both truly understand what you're thinking and feeling. What should you do? Call him, or reply back asking when he'd like to talk.
Author amythan Posted October 13, 2007 Author Posted October 13, 2007 i am feeling very sad and stressed. well, he asked me to call him this weekend. I tried twice but i was not able to reach him, i will try again tomorrow. I do not want to give the impression of being desperate. he also told me u know i am looking forward to speaking to you but i didn't want to say it. he is always doing this, confusing an teasing me. And I can just love him. i am sad because i realize i do not know what to expect from him, i can not be sure about his feelings until we talk and we will do what he wants. He is deciding everything and i am waiting his answer because he knows i am completely in love with him. i do not want he plays with me and i want to think if he wants to talk is a good sign .. but i can now wait more, i need to know and i need him back in my life because it was much better with him and i miss him too much.
Author amythan Posted October 15, 2007 Author Posted October 15, 2007 I am very sad and confused. We discussed yesterday and he told me that he has many feelings for me and he missed me but .. he sees very little future here. He does not want a relationship with someone in other country but it seems a cheap excuse to me. I can be there as much as i want (because of my work) and if things go well i will move. It would be my decision, i am big enough to do not blame anyone if things go wrong .. Today we spent three hours chating and making stupid jokes .. I do not know why we are doing this. We always like to talk to each other and i am sure about my feelings. I really love him. What should i do now ? Talk to him is the best thing i have but i can not see how his life is perfect without me ..
lindya Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 I think this situation can only get harder for you, the longer you continue in it. You seem to be pinning so much on this guy - and it sounds to me as though he's very nervous about that. Someone can be very attracted to you - even genuinely care for you - but still not actually want to be with you. Confusing as it is. It might seem to you as though all the right ingredients for a successful relationship are in place, but if the other person doesn't agree then that means one of the two most important ingredients is missing. Don't forget that this guy is a lot younger than you...and often age difference matters a lot more than people are willing to admit (sometimes even to themselves) in these situations. You're talking about moving over to London. Well, fine - if you feel London's a place where you could meet new people, make a life for yourself and generally be happy in then it's always worth a go. Just don't go there for the sake of a relationship with another person who's quite clearly telling you that he doesn't see a future with you. If you do, you're setting yourself up to be burned quite horrendously.
Author amythan Posted October 15, 2007 Author Posted October 15, 2007 Thank you for your advise. I think you are probably right, he does not seem future here and i should accept it. I do not think i am pinning him, i send him an email one month after we broke up but in the mid time we always talk as friends. And i would like to stay friends but perhaps now i need to take some distance fro a while ..
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