biochem Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 This is my first time posting something like this on the internet but i absolutely needed toget it off my chest. I have a girlfriend who is 4 months pregnant, and i have been telling her we will get married and my parents the same. Recently i have realized that a baby is not going to magically make me love her the same way she loves me. Since i discovered this i have been drinking heavily and in general just a wreck. Im torn up because i want to declare myself single but still act as a father but i would feel so guilty doing that to her. She had a very tough life growing up, far worse then just about anybody else i have met, which only adds to the guilt as she is so reliant on me. Im young and starting law school in a year and creating plans for my life and my future and i honestly dont think they will include her. This is going to give me an ulcer, should i simply suck it up and stay to keep her happy and the baby in a nice nuclear family or should i go out on my own and find what i really need? If i were to break up with her i would pay for everything, i come from a wealthy family which i couldnt be more thankful and blessed feeling for so i wouldnt be stranding her but i dont know how to give the proper emotional support when i dont honestly love her in a romantic fashion. The worst part about this is that i fully supported the idea of not having an abortion because it simply didnt feel right inside. Thanks for reading and trust me im not as bad as this makes me sound im just lost.
Fancee Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 I just told another on woman another subject that this is exactly how guys feel.If you want to here the truth. If you are a standup person and takes responsibility than don't kill her off. Let her have you all baby in peace and harmony. Its better for both her and the baby. Don't make false promises. Go on and finish school. If you can relocate on a college dorm/apt somewhere and go to school. Talk her into going to school and helping her with child cares ect..blah blah blah- as well she will be your baby's mother. Place more emphasis on both of yours education. Thats a good escape until you are for sure. Just a be a good parent. Quit talking about marriage.Talk about being finanially independent. You don't have to be her husband. It least you got some feelings. Baby's do make some guys magically love the woman. Thats next to the best thing is: Otherwise if you want your child to born with legitamate parents and give the mother and baby the both the same name - marry leave to the dorms. Get her to go and keep your distance. Never really allow it to be a real marriage after while just divorce. Who knows maybe not. But those are some options. This some long thought out plans for a nephew of mines a while back.
alli02 Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 you need to do what is going to make you happy. dont think that just by having a baby together is going to make you love her. this is coming from experience my sons father and i had been together for 4 years then broke up for 3 months then had a one night stand type of thing...and i got pregnant. we tried to get back together for the child...it did not work. we ended up splitting before my son turned one. it was not a good situation, we fought all the time. we thought that is was a good idea to be together and get married (we did not end up getting married) but some things just dont change. i loved my sons father more than anything but he did not feel the same way about me. at first i hated him for leaving me, i was so angry with him for not being a full time part of our lives. but then i realized that i was not happy with him and i was better of without him in my life. he is a great father to our son and still sees him...my son is 2 and absolutely loves him. if you dont love her dont make her think that you want to marry her and that everything will be ok between the 2 of you...it will only cause both of you heartache in the end.
katiebour Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 That's a tough situation- no matter what you two are locked together for life through your future interactions with your child. Whether it's trading weekends with your child or attending birthdays/graduations and the like, you'll be Mommy and Daddy, together or separately, forever. Don't lock yourself into a relationship you don't want "for the sake of the baby." You'll just come to hate your g/f for it and your baby will grow up in a household where his/her parents don't love each other and shouldn't be together. What would happen if tomorrow you sat the g/f down and told her honestly how you feel? If you admitted that you don't really want to be with her but that you do want to be involved in your child's life? As long as you're willing to be there for your child emotionally and financially then I don't think you have to lock yourself into a relationship with the mother. Being honest with her will also give her a chance to find someone that really loves her. One of my b/f's friends got his g/f pregnant a few years back. They had the baby and then she broke up with him, posting on her online blog how she wasn't in love with him and had been in love with this other guy the whole time. Obviously not the best way to go about things, but they share custody of the little guy back and forth, and are both loving parents to him. Thank goodness they're not together because my b/f's friend deserves better. Moral of the story: It can work out.
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