pussycat1980 Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 Hi all im a newbie to the forum. Well i was the other woman for 10 months not as long as most on here. Now the affair is out in the open, im the biggest sl*t that walked the earth, and im in the wrong. Please for persons out there that may be judgemental, i didnt set out to break up a happy home!!!! My MM came after me, fair play i gave him the impression i liked him, but never came out with it and said i want you. In the whole time we have been together he made me feel special, we see each other every night. And i was probably the most happy i had ever been in any other relationship. Now obviously the wife knows about his cheating and who i am, she hasnt confronted me yet, but i know thats probably due, i havent a clue what i should say to her, i cant say im sorry because im not. The thing is like most OW's i took a chance on something i really felt may have developed in a proper relationship. I fully understand that he probably would never of left her for me, but he did say he would and that he loved me. He has children and yes i did consider them in all this, but when something feels right its hard to resist. It wasnt about sex for me or him, i really think we had some kind of connection with each other. From the start i thought it was a bit of fun and it wouldnt last 5 mins, but it did carry on even to the stage when he thought he'd been caught out previously, he finished it, but within 2 days he was back to me. I will accept that i have probably lost this guy now, not only as my lover but also a very good friend. If i could give anyone advice from my experience, is the fact if your friends with a guy who is attached dont start a relationship with them if you want to stay friends when it goes pear shaped.
brainless twit Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 The only thing I will say, as a BS, is to please be gentle if his wife contacts you. Eventually she will realize that HE made the choice to have an affair, but for at least a few months she won't be able to think that way. Her world has been shattered and she may look for someone to lash out at. If she asks you questions, please consider answering them. It's so hard for the BS to wonder and have no answers - you can't recover until you know exactly what you're recovering from, what level of betrayal your spouse has exposed you to. For me, it was like being told I had a disease but the doctor wouldn't tell me which one. I was not mean to the OW in my situation, but she lied and harassed me, so things became pretty heated. I wish she just would have answered my questions and then I would have been able to focus on my WH.
PoshPrincess Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 The only thing I will say, as a BS, is to please be gentle if his wife contacts you. Eventually she will realize that HE made the choice to have an affair, but for at least a few months she won't be able to think that way. Her world has been shattered and she may look for someone to lash out at. If she asks you questions, please consider answering them. It's so hard for the BS to wonder and have no answers - you can't recover until you know exactly what you're recovering from, what level of betrayal your spouse has exposed you to. For me, it was like being told I had a disease but the doctor wouldn't tell me which one. I was not mean to the OW in my situation, but she lied and harassed me, so things became pretty heated. I wish she just would have answered my questions and then I would have been able to focus on my WH. Good advice here! As far as I am concerned, there is absolutely no need for a ow to hassle a bs when they are hurting as much as us. More I guess, due to the severity and possible longevity of their M and the fact that many ow already know what they are letting themselves in for (ie that the man is married!) PussyCat, you certainly won't get any bashing from me. I've been where you are so know it's not a nice feeling. You sound pretty clued up though and I reckon you'll be alright and that you will have learned from all this, as I have.
frannie Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 Hello pussycat and welcome to the forum. I'm in England too, and an OW for 3 1/2 years and fortunately no d-days. What has happened since your MM's W found out about you..? Is the affair now over..?
Author pussycat1980 Posted October 10, 2007 Author Posted October 10, 2007 Thanks for the replies, i certainly wont give BS(havent worked out what that means yet) a hard time, not when they are suffering already nor harass her. At the moment, i suppose i just want to get the confrontation over so i can move on, for me its hard because i live in the same area as where they live, financially i cannot just up and go somewhere else. If she asks me stuff i will answer as i can, but do i want to drop him further in trouble so he looks badder than she probably thinks he is???????? I dont want to, but at the mo i owe him nothing, he isnt here for me so i dont get any trouble from the W or her family. As i said, im not the kind of woman that sets out to break up M, i really in all honesty believed he loved me. Thanks anyway.
Author pussycat1980 Posted October 10, 2007 Author Posted October 10, 2007 Hi frannie. In answer to your question, i dont know. I havent spoken to MM since the W found out. She obviously kicked him out, and he is staying with his dad, i no doubt guess he is spending time with his kids, and probably trying to patch things up. He hasnt told me he is finishing it with me, or vice versa.
reboot Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 Thanks for the replies, i certainly wont give BS(havent worked out what that means yet) a hard time BS = Betrayed Spouse. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/faq.php?faq=messages#faq_acronyms
CAT100 Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 Hi pussycat So have you not had any contact with him then since she kicked him out? And would you want to be with him as his main partner, or were you ok with the situation as it was?
Author pussycat1980 Posted October 10, 2007 Author Posted October 10, 2007 Hi Cat100 Since she kicked him out i have had no contact, i did pass him on the street but obviously not the right place to have a discussion. I now believe he is back in the marital home, i suppose yes i would have liked to have been his main partner, but i knew deep down that wasnt gonna happen. At the first sign of trouble, its like he has done a complete 180, spending time at home with the kids, i can imagine she isnt letting him out either. But in a way i was ok with the way things were. I just wish he would at least speak to me so i know where i stand for definite, closure i suppose. But i wont hold my breath on that one.
Author pussycat1980 Posted October 11, 2007 Author Posted October 11, 2007 Update on the situation. See the W in the high street today, as she was going to pick the kids up. MM was in the car too, she flung the car door open and screamed you f***ing sl*t, get your self out the village or i'll kill ya. Yikes, what would you do, would you run or stay put???????? Unfortunately i dont have anywhere to go, plus i work in the local club.
whichwayisup Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 All you can do now is leave him alone, even if he tries to contact you...He was in the car with his wife and kids which more than likely means they're going to work on their marriage. Besides, do you really want a man who is capable of cheating on his wife and kids? Even if he did end up leaving them for you - Could you trust him 100%? Obviously a ring on his finger, and having children with his wife wasn't enough to prevent him from cheating....Be glad it's over and you don't have to be part of his betrayal.
Author pussycat1980 Posted October 11, 2007 Author Posted October 11, 2007 I wasnt asking that. I know all that, i have left them alone, but i have to get on with my life which means going down the shops etc. And i shouldnt have to fear for my life because he sh*t on the wife. Of course i dont want the lying cheating scumbag that he is. I know im a fairly decent person who can do a hellovalot better.
frannie Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 Of course i dont want the lying cheating scumbag that he is. I know im a fairly decent person who can do a hellovalot better. :lmao: Good for you!
underpants Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 I know all that, i have left them alone, but i have to get on with my life which means going down the shops etc. And i shouldnt have to fear for my life because he sh*t on the wife. Of course i dont want the lying cheating scumbag that he is. I know im a fairly decent person who can do a hellovalot better. I am sorry you are caught up in the drama. However, you did knowingly sign up for your part. Also, you can never really know when pushed emotionally what someone is capable of. Of course, you should not have to live your life in fear or even ridicule. However, those are some of the (possible/likely) consequences of engaging with a commited person. Addressing what it is in you that was/is attracted to a committed person is really the only control/self improvement thing you can do. Maybe it will die down eventually. I would certainly be careful and mindful of your surroundings. Good luck
GreenEyedLady Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 Hi all im a newbie to the forum. Well i was the other woman for 10 months not as long as most on here. Now the affair is out in the open, im the biggest sl*t that walked the earth, and im in the wrong. Please for persons out there that may be judgemental, i didnt set out to break up a happy home!!!! My MM came after me, fair play i gave him the impression i liked him, but never came out with it and said i want you. In the whole time we have been together he made me feel special, we see each other every night. And i was probably the most happy i had ever been in any other relationship. Now obviously the wife knows about his cheating and who i am, she hasnt confronted me yet, but i know thats probably due, i havent a clue what i should say to her, i cant say im sorry because im not. The thing is like most OW's i took a chance on something i really felt may have developed in a proper relationship. I fully understand that he probably would never of left her for me, but he did say he would and that he loved me. He has children and yes i did consider them in all this, but when something feels right its hard to resist. It wasnt about sex for me or him, i really think we had some kind of connection with each other. From the start i thought it was a bit of fun and it wouldnt last 5 mins, but it did carry on even to the stage when he thought he'd been caught out previously, he finished it, but within 2 days he was back to me. I will accept that i have probably lost this guy now, not only as my lover but also a very good friend. If i could give anyone advice from my experience, is the fact if your friends with a guy who is attached dont start a relationship with them if you want to stay friends when it goes pear shaped. I'm very sorry for your loss... GEL
PoshPrincess Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 However, those are some of the (possible/likely) consequences of engaging with a commited person. Agreed. Still PussyCat, you did well. Just don't give her the satisfaction of a reaction. It is understandable that she wants to vent and it is the OW rather than the WS who bears the brunt of the BSs hurt (although your MM probably isn't having a ball at the moment either ) Don't let her drive you out of your village. As Underpants said, it's pretty likely that this will die down. All the best x
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