Phateless Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 When I like a girl and it's going well... if I REALLY like her, I get all excited about her and I just can't wait... and I start getting impatient and getting optimistic and ahead of myself. I start level-jumping and thinking about things too far in advance. Then I lose my composure and start calling just a little bit too often, and then she eventually starts to lose interest. Once I feel invested I forget what I know and throw my "game" to the wind... from there I allow myself to be vulnerable and it's all over for me. I think I drop my guard and defenses and boundaries a little too far, a little too soon. Once I decide I like someone or want something, I just can't stand waiting. That's my theory, anyway. Thoughts? Opinions? Anyone else experience anything similar?
lino Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 I was like this when I was 22/23 years old. It's a habit you need to break because it's bad for you. It stopped for me after I'd been let down enough times. Now I just take things as they come which is better, but I still don't get very far.
Krytie TV Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 Man, I just don't know. I was thinking about this tonight after communicating with someone I'm interested in. I thought about the way the game is supposed to be played and how I was going to proceed. Maybe it's just my old age or whatnot, but I just feel like I'm going to be willing put myself out there, and be "vulnerable" as the OP said. There's nothing wrong with that. I don't want to waste my time with women who want guys that play the game. Sure, I may find myself alone and disappointed, and that's totally alright. However, in the one or two possible instances where you come upon someone who reciprocates your method, that's when there's fun to be had. Level jump all you want man. Yes, you have to worry about coming off as psychotic (i.e., calling too much or being too attached), but other than that, who cares? There's nothing wrong with being vulnerable to someone. It's possible to be vulnerable yet still have the emotional fortitude to pack it up if things go poorly. It's all of those disappointing and awkward experiences that make the true connections so stimulating. If a woman freaks out because you're willing to bypass the stupid parlor tricks in favor of honest communication and expression... see ya.
Author Phateless Posted October 10, 2007 Author Posted October 10, 2007 You're right... I'm just sick of chasing good ones away unnecessarily because I'M impatient... stupid... I've been learning the game and getting better and better at it... and I can keep em going for a while... but I think I fall short in places. Oh well, it's all a learning experience.
Krytie TV Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 But that's the point. What makes them so good if they "run away" from you because of how you pursue them. That implies that you are not as good as them. I would say that they simply weren't right for you. There are many many many guys that will gladly play the game with them, and they can have those guys. Why don't you corner the market on guys that don't like to play the game? There are a good number of women who would rather go that way.
Author Phateless Posted October 10, 2007 Author Posted October 10, 2007 The problem is finding them... and finding them in a package that I like. If I meet a girl I really like, I am willing to tell myself to slow the f*ck down in order not to scare her off.
Krytie TV Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 Unfortunately, finding them is the one thing that is mostly out of our control. A bit of opportunism mixed with a large dose of blind luck.
Author Phateless Posted October 10, 2007 Author Posted October 10, 2007 That's what drives me crazy about it. And that's what makes me willing to do anything when I find one I think is worth it...
sweetbutcheeky Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 At least you know what the problem is and now can try and stop.
tomwiz Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 Did you recently get out of a relationship, it kinda sounds like your trying to replicate something from the past too soon
Trialbyfire Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 throw my "game" Not your fault OP but I really, really hate that term...game... How quickly do you invest, that it scares away prospectives?
Author Phateless Posted October 10, 2007 Author Posted October 10, 2007 I got out of a 5 year relationship about a year ago. I think when it starts going really well, I start thinking "oh she likes me" and then I start getting too comfortable with that idea. The time-frame kinda depends... It's been a lot better the past year, I've been able to keep feelings out of the way, but this last one opened me up and so I found myself right back where I'm used to being.
Trialbyfire Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 In a 5 year relationship, it's not a situation of investing too quickly or level-jumping, it's more the realization of compatibility issues. As for getting too comfortable, hopefully the two of you continue to romance each other throughout. I don't mean overly-mushy romancing but simple acts of consideration and respect for each other.
Author Phateless Posted October 10, 2007 Author Posted October 10, 2007 Right, but I'm nowhere near that yet with any woman. I've been single for a full year now. Once I decide I really like someone tho, I'm read to skip a lot of stages and it gets me in trouble.
SouthernT Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 Just my 2 cents worth....(from a girls perspective), The speed doesnt really matter if the girl is really into you. For example, I met a guy once that called a couple of days after I gave him my number. Before I even had the chance to call him back, he called a couple of hours later and left ANOTHER message. Strike one-allow me time and space to call you back after you've called me for the FIRST time. I called him back and we talked for a couple of hours. Then, about 2-3 weeks later, we are having conversations and he is saying things like "you didnt answer your phone, I was worried about you. I just want to make sure you are ok." Strike two-we have known eachother for a couple of weeks, why are earth are you telling me that you are worried about me? My point is that he never gave ME the chance to even start developing feelings for him. And so for me, it was really over (per say) before it had a chance to begin. We werent on the same page in other words. NOW this other guy that I have been posting about for the past year.....if he were to do the exact same things that I just listed above, I would be in heaven, but he's not doing those things. So I guess my over all point is that you simply CANT HELP it if you meet someone that makes you want to skip and bypass some of the "games" and "levels". What sucks, it taking that risk of being vulnerable and not having your feelings returned.....THAT is what sucks.
Kamille Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 Ah Phate! I hear you about the level-jumping. NOW this other guy that I have been posting about for the past year.....if he were to do the exact same things that I just listed above, I would be in heaven, but he's not doing those things. I'm not sure I agree Southern T. I think you are into the guy you write about because he didn't demonstrate the kind of impatience the first guy did. When he gu doesn't give me a chance to call back, or when he is overbearing, I worry that he will be too controlling if a relationship develops. For me a relationship is based on give and take, on building something together as you get to know each other. Someone who is ready to jump in too fast makes me worry that all they want is the end result, therefore bypassing the whole process of figuring out how two personalities can mesh together. That said, it is true that as I am still quite into the guy I am currently dating, I was very happy that hear his voice today, despite the fact that we talked yesterday. So yeah, maybe when when a girl likes a guy, nothing he does, within measure, can make him fall off her good graces. But then, being too pushy can make me be not so into a guy.
Author Phateless Posted October 10, 2007 Author Posted October 10, 2007 We have to leave you always wanting more. The problem is that we have to leave ourselves wanting more too.
SouthernT Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 Ah Phate! I hear you about the level-jumping. I'm not sure I agree Southern T. I think you are into the guy you write about because he didn't demonstrate the kind of impatience the first guy did. When he gu doesn't give me a chance to call back, or when he is overbearing, I worry that he will be too controlling if a relationship develops. For me a relationship is based on give and take, on building something together as you get to know each other. Someone who is ready to jump in too fast makes me worry that all they want is the end result, therefore bypassing the whole process of figuring out how two personalities can mesh together. That said, it is true that as I am still quite into the guy I am currently dating, I was very happy that hear his voice today, despite the fact that we talked yesterday. So yeah, maybe when when a girl likes a guy, nothing he does, within measure, can make him fall off her good graces. But then, being too pushy can make me be not so into a guy. LOL....I didnt mean that in a LITERAL sense. I am just simply saying that if my guy would show some level of consistency & persistance, then I would love that. Nobody wants the extreme of having somebody come on in a strong & controlling way but on the other hand nobody likes to deal with not even knowing if the other person is even interested at all. There is a fine line there.
Author Phateless Posted October 10, 2007 Author Posted October 10, 2007 I think my ex got bored with me because there was no challenge. I tried to be what I thought was the perfect boyfriend, what society always taught me I should be. Well she knew she had me and eventually left for something else.
lovecrossed Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 I disagree with this line of thinking. So many men play games, women find it refreshing when they meet a guy who's direct and forthright. I don't have the most perfect dating track record, but it's always blown up in my face when I've tried playing games with women in the past. Also it just feels wrong somehow.
SouthernT Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 I disagree with this line of thinking. So many men play games, women find it refreshing when they meet a guy who's direct and forthright. I don't have the most perfect dating track record, but it's always blown up in my face when I've tried playing games with women in the past. Also it just feels wrong somehow. This is VERY true. I think game playing is interesting and something different when you are like in your early 20's. But come late 20's and up, people are looking for reliability more than challenge. Everybody has had too many broken hearts by this point. But it will always be a never ending cycle. You'll have somebody that was taken advantage of in their last relationship even though they were perfect and nice and didnt play games. Then when that situation doesnt go right, they tell themselves "whats the point in being a straight foward/nice/honest person if I'm going to get taken advantage of?" Then they promise themselves never to be mr/miss nice/honest. Then they meet somebody who IS nice/honest/ and end up screwing over THAT person. Never ending cycyle....I'm 28 and look where I'm at---being a good/honest/no-game playing girl has gotten me no where but SINGLE for the past 2 years. Why? Because I'm not one for game playing.
Krytie TV Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 I disagree with this line of thinking. So many men play games, women find it refreshing when they meet a guy who's direct and forthright. I don't have the most perfect dating track record, but it's always blown up in my face when I've tried playing games with women in the past. Also it just feels wrong somehow. I think we've concluded that the only women who really feel this way are LSers. This doesn't appear to happen in the real world.
Author Phateless Posted October 10, 2007 Author Posted October 10, 2007 After what I've been through with my ex and now this girl from the dating site flaking on me... I kinda feel sorry for the next girl to get involved with me.
Trialbyfire Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 I disagree with this line of thinking. So many men play games, women find it refreshing when they meet a guy who's direct and forthright. I don't have the most perfect dating track record, but it's always blown up in my face when I've tried playing games with women in the past. Also it just feels wrong somehow. Part of the problem is if it's the right guy and you're in the right frame of mind to be looking for a relationship. If all the stars and moons line up, you end up with one wide-open connection that can be so intense. The sad reality is that something triggers distrust and the connection shuts down hard.
Author Phateless Posted October 10, 2007 Author Posted October 10, 2007 Part of the problem is if it's the right guy and you're in the right frame of mind to be looking for a relationship. If all the stars and moons line up, you end up with one wide-open connection that can be so intense. The sad reality is that something triggers distrust and the connection shuts down hard. You're absolutely right. I think both people have to be ready for the same thing at the same time.
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