sedgwick Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 Greetings from the jungle, where I've run off to try to forget my ex. (I'm only partially joking there.) We broke up July 16 -- less than three months ago. Our last contact was Aug 28. That was the day I went NC. The first two weeks without him, I thought I was going to die. I have never felt anything more hellish than that. I didn't eat. I lost 14 pounds. I couldn't do anything except dance, because I'm in a dance company and I love it and somehow I managed to hold it together enough to get through one rehearsal at a time without breaking down and crying. But when I was home, I cried until I puked and then I cried some more. Besides dance rehearsal, forget it, I couldn't walk half a block without having to turn around and go home and cry. I ran away on Sept. 16, going back Nov. 5. I decided to do the thing that scared me most in the world: run off alone to a country where I don't speak the language. And I did it. I only cry like once a day now, sometimes only once every other day. It still feels like I'll love him forever. It feels like I'll never get over it. But I know I also will never be so afraid of a breakup again. What's really helping me out here is to dive into my fear of being alone and see what's behind it. It's not so scary to be alone. It's not so awful. It can be lonely, but I can also do anything I want. I can, for example, run off to Mexico. And survive. The power I feel from facing down my biggest fear is immense. My heart is still totally broken, but given the situation, I am doing the best possible thing I could be doing right now. I'm learning something about myself and the world and other people. I'm making friends he's never met, who know me only as myself, not as anybody's girlfriend. It's all going to be okay. I don't know if I'll ever stop loving him, but at least I'm having a good time trying.
alwayshurt Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 I really envy you. I cannot even concentrate at work. Today I went to gym and I had to leave after 30 min because I felt like I was going to faint. keep on having fun since you can. Doing it, you will forget about him when you less expect it. I wish I could enjoy myself and my freedom. Good luck.
Author sedgwick Posted October 10, 2007 Author Posted October 10, 2007 How long has it been since your breakup? Are you eating? For the first two weeks I couldn't even walk down the street without feeling like I was going to faint.
alwayshurt Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 the problem is that we did not break up. We were never together as a couple. Read my post if you like. But I got so involved with this person that my life got completely put upside down. I went to NC for a while but when it seemed that I was getting better she calls me and it feels like starting from ground zero. I am going nuts because I love her and really don't know how to hundle this. It's something I've never experinced before so my hands are kind of tied. I know that the best thing is staying away and move on but it is so hard at times.
Author sedgwick Posted October 10, 2007 Author Posted October 10, 2007 Gah, I'm sorry. That really sucks. It's so hard to tell them not to call, but sometimes that's what you have to do. I've blocked my ex's number from my phone and his email addresses from my computer. I just can't deal with knowing he's trying to contact me, or that he isn't. Either way I'm better off not communicating with him until I'm over him. Trust me, I know how much it sucks. Every day I think of something I want to tell him, and realize I can't anymore. But it's easier now than it was 2.5 months ago, and I'm hoping it will just get easier from now on. I've never cried so much in my life, I know that for sure.
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