alwayshurt Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 Hi all, I posted a few weeks ago about my situation. I was dating this married girl who is in the process of separating from her husband. We had some good time together but then she disappeared and I was hurt so i decided to keep the distance. I have been in NC for about two weeks. She called me last friday while I was overseas just to tell me she wanted to hear my voice. She mentioned something about moving to a new apartment thus leaving the husband. I said I was away having fun with my friends and she said "i just called to hear your voice (again) have fun. I came back sunday and yesterday she called again. She didn't know I was back. I was pretty friendly to her and she told me how she has been depressed (didn't say it was because of me) that she ended up to the hospital (I don't believe it). She said she was sad because she cannot find the man she's looking for and that if she finds the one she would do anything for him. She also asked me about my ex (a sad story I had a last year which I had mentioned to her) and I said that I miss her but that it was over because this person doesn't wnat to talk to me anymore. She kept on talking about her private life like she went out a couple of times and that some guy asked her out but she did not like him. She talked about the flirt she had while she was away on vacation with some guy....but no a nice word to what her and I had. At this point I kind of lost my control and I said that when we were going out I showed her love and more but that wasn't enough for her to be with me although she kept on saying that she loved me more than words can say. I asked her why she behaved the way she did and she said at that time she was confused and didn't know what to do. She also spoke to her mother about me and her mother asked her if she really loved me. She said I think I do but I am not sure. Then her mother told her if you really love him fix things up. After that she kept on saying I screw up, I screw up, I screw up. I was upset and told her that I did not want to be contacted by her anymore because the past hurt me and did not want to go back there. She became sad and said if that meant she did not have to talk to me anymore. I said yes. She said ok with a very low voice....there was a little silence and then I said ok bye. She said bye and hang up. I felt very terrible and called her back (twice)....I don't know why. But she did not answer the phone. I really don't know why she called, If she misses me or whatever. I really have feelings for her but I am afraid to open up because i don't understand how she feels about me and the possibility is that she feels depressed now and she needs all those things she had with me (I was really nice to her) and dump me once back on her feet . I don't know if I did the right thing or I shoudl have just pretend that all was ok and then hang up. What should I do? Any advice?
lost4ever Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 -If something hurts then never pretend it's ok, only causes problems -She is going through a divorce, she is an emotional wreak, a divorce is very very hard, doesn't matter who wanted it. -the only options you have at this point in time is 1. Be her friend and only her friend (and only if you know you can be JUST a friend) 2. Let her go, chalk it up as right girl, wrong time I hate to say this because I don't know the situation but I do know that while going through a divorce, sometimes you get soooooo sad and just want someone that you can talk to, someone that will make you feel like your still good enough and sometimes, because you are so caught up in your own feelings you end up using that someone for convience-- A friend wouldn't mind--A lover would!
Author alwayshurt Posted October 10, 2007 Author Posted October 10, 2007 thank you Lost, that is what I was trying to do. But she keeps on calling and I can't just take it anymore. I feel like trapped in a loop with no way out. I asked her please to leave me alone but she does not want to listen and she is making my life miserable. How can I move on if she's always around? I cannot even change my phone number because it is a company phone. I am loosing control and my emotions are taking over my words and my actions. It is interfering with my job as well. I really don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt her because I love her but I am killing myself. I wish I could disappear right now. It sucks. The all thing sucks. It is nice to take things out of your chest and knowing that somebody is there to listen. Thanks a lot.
lost4ever Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 hummm, if she will not leave you alone after you have told her to stop, that is a problem. (btw understand the work phone thing, I threw mine out the car window, got in a little bit of trouble) all I can suggest, and I know it will be hard, is to not answer when she calls, and erase the messages without listening to them, ( I hope she don't have the energy to keep pursing for long) Good luck to you, she sounds very needy right now and that sucks!
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