blon_dee Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 I already posted this in marriage section.. like a bull at a gate, wasnt sure where to post.. Thought i would try here................. Heres my story..... Hi all... Im new here, well sort of, spent a lot of time here about this time last year when i went through a break up..... My story... Met a wonderful man around last xmas, things were great, he moved in a few months ago and its slowly going down hill. I have a 4 year old daughter, and this guy is not coping at all with life with a child. I have seen problems really only the last few weeks, but after living in a miserable marriage for a long time (I got divorced early this year), i decided i wasnt going to put up with this again. So i confronted him. He says hes been on his own most of his life and hes struggling with this new role as a "dad". I think he loves my daughter, but his issue is that he feels he needs "Space". I guess you think, well its all over, which is what i thought when he said he wanted to move out... But he assures me that he really loves me and wants to be with me and he knows that my daughter is part of that, but he says he thinks he just needs to live in his own place and go back to how it was before , seeing each other a few times a week without having to life the day to day stuff... Is he just being a selfish ass? I just dont know what to think. Hes been so good to me and i know it must be hard for a bachelor type guy to suddenly take on this new role.. But can we make this work?? I believe that he really does love me, i just think that hes not ready for all this just yet. I am happy to let him live in his own place and go back to how it was when we were dating, i guess i wasnt really ready for him to move in in the first place (its my own house), but he was insistent that he wanted to move in... And now...??? Can you go backwards like that and still survive it? Is he just doing this to make it easier for me, and then dump me anyway??? Up until a few weeks ago, he was all very keen to get married and live happily ever after, now he wants to move out and go back to juts dating again.>??? I am so confused......Just want to know what other people think. Cheers Kxx
KenzieAbsolutely Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 you were getting responses in your first post. you really shouldn't keep reposting this in several places; i believe it is against the guidelines. post one time, and if loveshack sees fit to move it to a more appropriate section, they will. reposting in many sections just crowds up the board, not to mention makes it hard for you and others to keep the responses straight.
Soulrelo Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 I already posted this in marriage section.. like a bull at a gate, wasnt sure where to post.. Thought i would try here................. Heres my story..... Hi all... Im new here, well sort of, spent a lot of time here about this time last year when i went through a break up..... My story... Met a wonderful man around last xmas, things were great, he moved in a few months ago and its slowly going down hill. I have a 4 year old daughter, and this guy is not coping at all with life with a child. I have seen problems really only the last few weeks, but after living in a miserable marriage for a long time (I got divorced early this year), i decided i wasnt going to put up with this again. So i confronted him. He says hes been on his own most of his life and hes struggling with this new role as a "dad". I think he loves my daughter, but his issue is that he feels he needs "Space". I guess you think, well its all over, which is what i thought when he said he wanted to move out... But he assures me that he really loves me and wants to be with me and he knows that my daughter is part of that, but he says he thinks he just needs to live in his own place and go back to how it was before , seeing each other a few times a week without having to life the day to day stuff... Is he just being a selfish ass? I just dont know what to think. Hes been so good to me and i know it must be hard for a bachelor type guy to suddenly take on this new role.. But can we make this work?? I believe that he really does love me, i just think that hes not ready for all this just yet. I am happy to let him live in his own place and go back to how it was when we were dating, i guess i wasnt really ready for him to move in in the first place (its my own house), but he was insistent that he wanted to move in... And now...??? Can you go backwards like that and still survive it? Is he just doing this to make it easier for me, and then dump me anyway??? Up until a few weeks ago, he was all very keen to get married and live happily ever after, now he wants to move out and go back to juts dating again.>??? I am so confused......Just want to know what other people think. Cheers Kxx First mistake: Too Soon. 2nd mistake: don't live together. 3rd mistake: If you are going to live together, get a place together; not your house or his house. Has to be "our house."
Ariadne Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 Yeah, Up until a few weeks ago, he was all very keen to get married and live happily ever after, now he wants to move out and go back to juts dating again??? I am so confused...... It seems like he just doesn't like the arrangement anymore. The thing with guys is that they are usually set on their ways and once they make up their minds it's rare that they change. So, no matter what, that guy is out of there. Might stay there a little longer but he is not going to like it any better. Not relationship material, back to dating, pretty lame deal. Your last hope is that he moves away and misses you like crazy, but I'd say he'd be happy out there and then be gone (except for dating, roll in the hay stuff.. maybe). Ariadne
KenzieAbsolutely Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 You are brutal. good lord, you must have a really tough time in the real world, or facing any kind of truth. i am trying to help her get the help she needs in a more effective way. she's new, she obviously doesn't know how it works yet. posting the same thing many times not only makes it confusing for her and everyone else, but also makes it less likely for people to respond, and it's discouraged by LS. stop following me around the forum to pick apart what i say and turn it into something else.
Fancee Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 Blondee, some I can call good. But this one got me baffled also. If he is not really ready to play daddy and father your child and he told me that I would just except it. Some ppl women and men have it in their minds that they want only their own children to parent. Some be so ready for a family they be embrace a ready made family with the hope of having one or more of their own in that union. I know had a brother like that he was dead serious about other guys children. But it took so long for him to marry that he wasn't going to find many women at that age without children. When he made up his mind to marry the woman had 2 children and one by him and he was a great father to them and enjoyed parenting and big family syndrone. He was ready and that makes all the difference in the world. Some ppl children misbehave and run good men off, not saying that is your case. I think you have about 2-3 problems one with the child, 2 with the he is not in his own home. Some men can't deal with living in a womans house. 3 Maybe you have some other problems that you are not paying attention to. My advice is to you would be to weigh the evidence and see if he is sincere. How do you do that? Be nice and time will tell. Esp. if you can't trap him into marrying you now(smiles) I believe he loves you. You know you can't turn love off like a water facuett.
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