Kazan Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 wow... this thread is going nowhere helpful as the level of religious hubris in this thread has gone off the top of the scale. Someone call me back when this thread returns to reality
reboot Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 wow... this thread is going nowhere helpful as the level of religious hubris in this thread has gone off the top of the scale. Someone call me back when this thread returns to realityExcuse me? The OP is the one bringing religion into it. Call us back when you've actually read the whole thread.
Kazan Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Excuse me? The OP is the one bringing religion into it. Call us back when you've actually read the whole thread. apparently you didn't notice my post where i took exception to her bigotry-loaded statement "Good christian family"
reboot Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 apparently you didn't notice my post where i took exception to her bigotry-loaded statement "Good christian family" It's her thread.
Kazan Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 that doesn't give her the right to be bigoted... but what i was specifically making reference to as massive hubris was like the two pages worth of text that were a dissertation on biblical opinions on marriage. In every case i've ever seen religion is harmful to marriage, I have not yet seen a case where religion helps a marriage. So until this gets back to a discussion more grounded in reality, aka actually capable of helping her...........
reboot Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 that doesn't give her the right to be bigoted... but what i was specifically making reference to as massive hubris was like the two pages worth of text that were a dissertation on biblical opinions on marriage. In every case i've ever seen religion is harmful to marriage, I have not yet seen a case where religion helps a marriage. So until this gets back to a discussion more grounded in reality, aka actually capable of helping her...........You certainly have the right not to participate in this thread.
Kazan Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 yes but i would be neglecting my responsibility to try to steer a person in a helpful direction, even if I have to do it by cajoling.
reboot Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 yes but i would be neglecting my responsibility to try to steer a person in a helpful direction, even if I have to do it by cajoling.I'm sure OP will be appreciative of you pointing out that her entire belief system is wrong, how she was raised was wrong, and how she has chosen to live her life was wrong, because you say it is.
Kazan Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Can she provide independently verifiable evidence to support her religion? I guarantee you the answer is no because nobody else in history has even been capable of doing so. That makes her position irrational and indefensible. my empirical observations have shown a consistent pattern of religion harming adult relationships. I put 2+2 together and came up with 4.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Can she provide independently verifiable evidence to support her religion? I guarantee you the answer is no because nobody else in history has even been capable of doing so. That makes her position irrational and indefensible. my empirical observations have shown a consistent pattern of religion harming adult relationships. I put 2+2 together and came up with 4. I agree with reboot! Your point is invalid and technically absurd. You cant disprove religion any more than you can prove it. We are not here to debate the existence of God! Its a big part of OP's life, that wont change! The point is that she is failing to act in a manner consistent with her own belief system.
reboot Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Can she provide independently verifiable evidence to support her religion? I guarantee you the answer is no because nobody else in history has even been capable of doing so. That makes her position irrational and indefensible. my empirical observations have shown a consistent pattern of religion harming adult relationships. I put 2+2 together and came up with 4.There is a religion forum here where you can debate these points in. This isn't that forum.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Starfish: I'm not trying 2 offend the good person that I know is still alive, but dormant within you. But if I "offend" the wayward mentality, then maybe I've done some good here. I think you need 2 tell your H about your A as soon as possible. As a BH myself, I think I speak from a position of experience when I say that you will likely be surprised at how interested he is in rebuilding, once he knows there's something horribly wrong going on. He's not responsible for that, you are, but I would bet that he'll be interested in figuring out how he can help fix things. Get a hold of a good marriage counselor, as soon as possible. Oh, and you won't like this, but: You need 2 end your affair and never have any contact with the OM for the rest of your life. That means one of you will have 2 change jobs This is all true, and very good advice! In the end you will have to leave your job! There is too much at stake here. I have to say that I do not come from 2long's side of the fence. I am not a betrayed husband, nor am I a cheater. My parents were the ones who made those mistakes! If you think that your kids will not pay for your affair I am here to tell you different! Listen to 2Long! He speaks the truth!
Kazan Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 OP needs to either A) cut him loose or B) end the emotional affair it sounds like she fell out of love with her husband because he was emotionally abusive - which is a very justified reason to fall out of love. It's also a very good justification to cut him loose. No amount of praying will make the answer come to you, you need to take responsibility for your own life and your own actions as you are the only one who is. That being said your OM needs to sort his intentions out - does he intend to leave his wife, or keep living this dishonest double life. Even when my wife has been her worst I have never thought about cheating on her, it's disrespectful and goes against oaths I have made on my honor. Normally I hold contempt for those who cannot hold to their word, but an emotionally abusive spouse is not worthy of such an oath being given to them. ----------------------------------------------- on another note: You cant disprove religion any more than you can prove it. that doesn't lend any validity to it. The position of not believing is the only logically sound position (do not confuse with the position of actively asserting non-existence) to take in the absence of evidence to support a religion. All other positions are irrational (which is enough justification to condemn them even if it wasn't for the fact that they do such harm) - and therefore cannot be used to make rational decisions based off of.
reboot Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 that doesn't lend any validity to it. The position of not believing is the only logically sound position (do not confuse with the position of actively asserting non-existence) to take in the absence of evidence to support a religion. All other positions are irrational (which is enough justification to condemn them even if it wasn't for the fact that they do such harm) - and therefore cannot be used to make rational decisions based off of. Your opinion, which no one asked for, and is completely off topic.
Kazan Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 the only part of that which was technically opinion was the second part inside parenthesis - the rest of it is a fact of the rules of formal logic. and if you don't like my opinion you can just deal with it
reboot Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 and if you don't like my opinion you can just deal with itYour opinion means, in fact, less that nothing to me, as do you. I was simply asking you to keep your sanctimonious bs out of other people's threads. You are doing nothing more than raping the OPs thread.
Kazan Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 maybe she'll think before she speaks next time and won't make a statement implying that people not of her religion are less than she
Author starfish36 Posted October 12, 2007 Author Posted October 12, 2007 kazan: I thought you said you wanted 2 help. When are you planning on doing that? Heck, I just hope starfish comes back. I'll worry about whether she thinks about posting before she does later. -ol' 2long Thanks for your concern 2long!! I just now read everything. I'd had my fill of it yesterday....... TO EVERYONE: I am sorry if I offended anyone about religion & beliefs! I certainly did not intend to do so. What each of us believes is our own business. I know I have violated my own belief system and yes I am VERY conerned about it. I'm trying to deal with it, I'm human and have made MANY mistakes, this one being one of the worst ones yet. If you all can get past the line in my thread that offended whoever it may have offended, I would really appreciate it. I will take any advice pertaining to my situation of me having an EA.......and TRYING to do what I know is right. Thank you!
Cobra_X30 Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 Star, I think most everyone here is basically on your side! We all have different approaches to providing helpful insight, however I think the goals are all similar... to help you! See right now your in the middle of an emotional addiction. You should view this the exact same as an addiction to a drug. This is why some posts may seem harsh at first glance, it's the "cold water treatment". As 2Long said before... if you want to end the addiction you need to stop taking the drug! That means no contact with your boss! It's going to hurt... alot... your going to feel withdrawls! It will go away in time, especially if you start working with your husband to build a better marriage. Does that make any sense?
Author starfish36 Posted October 12, 2007 Author Posted October 12, 2007 Star, I think most everyone here is basically on your side! We all have different approaches to providing helpful insight, however I think the goals are all similar... to help you! See right now your in the middle of an emotional addiction. You should view this the exact same as an addiction to a drug. This is why some posts may seem harsh at first glance, it's the "cold water treatment". As 2Long said before... if you want to end the addiction you need to stop taking the drug! That means no contact with your boss! It's going to hurt... alot... your going to feel withdrawls! It will go away in time, especially if you start working with your husband to build a better marriage. Does that make any sense? It makes complete sense. My problem is, honestly, I don't want to stop. I love him and the way he loves me is just crazy. I'm sure you've heard this all before though. My evenings at home just don't feel right anymore. I never thought I'd end up doing what I'm doing, yet sometimes it seems so right as bad as it sounds. I know what I'm posting on here sounds so harsh, especially towards my H, I'm just being honest though. I've heard of people divorcing and remarrying and being happier than they ever have....that's what I keep thinking of.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 It makes complete sense. My problem is, honestly, I don't want to stop. I love him and the way he loves me is just crazy. I'm sure you've heard this all before though. My evenings at home just don't feel right anymore. I never thought I'd end up doing what I'm doing, yet sometimes it seems so right as bad as it sounds. I know what I'm posting on here sounds so harsh, especially towards my H, I'm just being honest though. I've heard of people divorcing and remarrying and being happier than they ever have....that's what I keep thinking of. Yeah, but there are two families involved with kids! Trust me I know what it's like to be one of those kids. Love is a choice... and your choosing to love someone else. Someone that cant choose you back! Your building a disaster for 2 families. Listen, when your addicted to something... you never want to stop... because it feels good. It will ruin you! I'm going to tell you right now... It is very, very rare for a guy like your boss to walk out on his wife and kids! He will be much more willing to start an affiar... but you've got about a 3% chance of getting him to divorce his wife. I know its hard.... and you want to be with your boss, but your staring down the barrel of a loaded shotgun. Your not just cheating on your husband! Your cheating on your kids too! You want to drag them through hell? For what? I know you said you want more... but you need to take care of the ones you have right now! If you wont do that... whats the point? I will tell you that my mother went through this same ordeal! It made my life suck for almost 7 years! It's something I will never forgive! Believe me when I tell you this!
reboot Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 The bottom line is, if you want to be with this guy, tell you husband and get a divorce. If you don't want to get a divorce, you need to end the relationship with the OM forever, and throw yourself 110% into fixing your marriage. Those are the only adult choices you have. Trying to stay married AND have a relationship on the side will eventually destroy everyone involved. Of course, if/when you tell your husband, he might make the decision for you. I'm not going to preach at you and tell you what to do (deep down I bet you know what's right, but maybe not), but right now you're riding the fence, and that's not fair to anyone involved.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 Reboot, is right! I didnt cover the possibility of choosing this other man over your husband because of his family. But if you do make that choice... follow Reboot's advice. It's the only way you will be able to look in a mirror at the end of the day.
Integra Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 Yeah-back on topic.. You really are caught up in this OM.. If you really feel as strongly about this OM as you are saying. Then staying w/ your H right now will not help the situation... If you want your M you can not have anything to do w/the OM.. No matter how crazy in love w/you he is.. You can't focus on and figure out your R w/ H as long as there is someone else who is getting your attention, and who you are comparing you H & M with.. Maybe you can say to me or anyone else here that you don't compare.. But, even if you don't realize it, you do.. Because everyone time you have a bad experience w/H and turn around and have a good experience w/ OM, it reinforces and even brings out more negative feelings about your H. If you don't want to be w/ your H anymore. If you feel that your done & want to be w/ OM or someone else. Then you need to be honest, tell your H how your feeling, how long you been feeling that way and what's been going on.. And you need to leave. That's it.. A choice has to be made. For you. For your H. For your kids. I know having this conversation &/or leaving is a very scary thing, but you have to do something.
Integra Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 I noticed that you haven't mentioned anything about how OM feels about his W & M.. You mentioned how you make each other feel, but nothing really about his relationship.. Has OM ever talked about wanting to leave his W.. Is it even a possibility?? Do you not want to leave your H because you are afraid, or because you not sure if OM will leave his W or not? As this even been discussed between you & other man. Not lofty, in the moment thoughts of Oh wouldn't it be great. But an honest conversation about your future..
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