marlena Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 I have a lovely 23 year old daughter. Since my divorce 15 years ago, it's always been just the two of us. We were eachother's universe. We sustained eachother through everything. We managed very well and were happy. The problem is she moved away to another country to pursue her studies and live with her boyfriend. Now I am completely alone ..and I feel so sad and lonely. It's not always like that. Some days are better than others but mostly I feel depressed and miss her so. Whenever I think that this is how my life is going to be I feel despair. How does a single parent cope with something like this?
nittygritty Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 I'm sorry your going through a tough time. Have you ever thought about getting involved in doing some charity work with kids in need? If thats not something you would be interested in perhaps, there is another type of volunteer service that you would find to be rewarding. What about taking up an interesting hobby that requires classes, like cooking or painting lessons? You could also see if there is a singles group in your area that travels together that might be an interesting thing to do. Now is your time to enjoy doing all the things that you may have been unable to do when you were a single parent and getting involved in something you enjoy doing will take your mind off of your worries.
woodsfield Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 i hate to hear about this...i'm sorry you feel alone; that is a horrible feeling. i think NG has some good suggestions. get active to try and keep your mind off things. coming here can be good as well. how about a pet?
Author marlena Posted October 10, 2007 Author Posted October 10, 2007 Hi, folks, Thanks for replying. Actually, I wa just thinking that I would look into some kind of volunteer work in my area. That would me more cup of tea than enrolling in any classes. I also thought of a pet but the last one I had was a lot of mischief though I did love it to death (a cat). I don't know if having a dog in an apartment such as mine is a good thing. I do travel quite a bit with friends (not package trips) but that's in the summer and during the Christmas and Easter holidays when I am off work. Thank God for my job. It keeps me busy half the day at least. And bless my fiends too. They keep me busy at weekends. We go to cultural events or just out for drinks or dinner. I am pretty much of a loner so I don't mind the alone time. I cherish it in fact. Still, I often find myself wishing I could find a nice gentleman to share my life with. I miss the companionship and intimacy. Hardly likely at my age!!! I'll cope ...I always do! We all do I guess however we can. It's just another big change in my life...I'll adjust..eventually. Just wondering how others in my situation feel. Would love for them to share their feelings. Thanks again.
Sarita12385 Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 Hello Your story brought back a flood of emotions for me and brought me to tears actually. My mother is currently going through the same thing you are. My father works full time and is not home often, so my mother is by herself most of the time, but before I got married, we were inseperable. We were best friends. After I got married 'n moved out, her heart was completely broken, it hurt so much just to go back and visit her. However, she now has a cat. This cat changed her so much for the better, she just sounds so much happier, just by talking to her on the phone, it makes me feel so much better. Cats can be tricky, you have to be lucky and get a good lap cat, rather than a sneaky, hide-under-the-bed kind, but either way, they are GREAT companions, and are relatively easy to take care of, which I'm sure you know from having a cat in the past. My #1 recommendation would be to get a cat. It'll make a huge difference in your life. I thank GOD my mom has that cat now
Author marlena Posted October 24, 2007 Author Posted October 24, 2007 Sarita, I'm so glad someone picked up this thread again. Thanks for your kinf words. Yes, it's as if she has broken my heart. You could not have said it better. Today. I've hit an all time low. I am fast sliding into a state of depression. I do not want to see friends and I am becoming a recluse of sorts. Yesterday, I went to the GYN and was told my ovsrian cyst of three years needs to be removed. I almost fainted from fear. I got home, not soul or thing stirring about, and cried and cried. When she called me, I was a bit abrupt with her. I think that at some level I am angry at her when I know I don't have the right to be . After all, that's what kids do. They grow up and move away from home. It's the natural course of events. I berate myself for feeling this way . This leads to guilt. ANd the guilt to more anger. She's is very far away, Sarita. You sound a lot like my duaghter. She says she can't stand seeing me this way. I know I have to stop, even if it means putting up a brave front for her sake. I know I am gulit tripping her and that's not what I want. I want her to be happy. I know what your mother must be feeling. Only for me it's worse. No husband to break the deafening silence, no weekend visits from my daughter. Thanks for the suggestion about the cat. I'll think about it. I once had a cat I loved dearly. The problem is I live in an appartment where animals are not allowed. I'll just have to get used to this new phase in my life if and when this crippling depression lifts. I and her father and her half brother are visiting her at Christmas and that is something to look forward to. Thanks Sarita. You sound like a lovely girl and a very good daughter.
Sarita12385 Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 You keep your head up. Talk to your landlord, see if he/she will let you have a kitty, if not, get some goldfish! They can be very relaxing and comforting believe it or not. Your daughter adores you like I adore mine, I'm sure of it. I know it's so hard, it is for the daughter as well if not harder. Leaving the nest for the first time takes a toll on everyone. My mother has thyroid problems and it KILLS me not to be with her like I used to, I worry all the time about her, it's like we're switching roles. I check up on my mom like she's MY daughter I promise you things will get better. Don't let this bring you down! Get a Myspace account That may keep ya busy!
Author marlena Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 Leaving the nest for the first time takes a toll on everyone. My mother has thyroid problems and it KILLS me not to be with her like I used to, I worry all the time about her, it's like we're switching roles. I check up on my mom like she's MY daughter Thanks sweetie, Haha!!! I laughed with this one!!!!! That's exacly what my daughter says! She even calls and says, "How's my daughter today?" She fusses over me all the time. My health, my hair, my finances, hell, even my little romantic escapades (it's been sometime since I've been without romance in my life). She is a peach like you!! She heard I was feeling rather low and wanted to fly home for a few days and surprise me! Of course I wouldn't allow it. I don't want to disturb her life. It's almost Xmas anyway!!! Still, the fact that she even thought of doing such a thing brought some warmth to my heart. Isn't a MySapce account for younger people? Wouldn't I look foolish? To be honest with you, I'm sot even sure what it is. Sarita, your mother is a ver lucky woman to have you!!
Sarita12385 Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Myspace definitely isn't for the younger crowd, I know people in their 50's and 60's who are on it, seriously. Yahoo! Personals is a good place as well. Just go to www.myspace.com and make an account All daughters grow up, move out, and worry about their mothers so much that they want to come back lol
Author marlena Posted October 26, 2007 Author Posted October 26, 2007 Myspace definitely isn't for the younger crowd, I know people in their 50's and 60's who are on it, seriously. Yahoo! Personals is a good place as well. Just go to www.myspace.com and make an account All daughters grow up, move out, and worry about their mothers so much that they want to come back lol Oh, honey, you are such a sweet and lovely girl. Thanks for the suggestions. I did the personals for three years. Went out on a lot of dates. Met a lot of not so nice people - liars, cheaters, weirdos, sex addicts, married men - there were one or two nice ones but it just didn't click - UNTIL I met Mr. Wrong in the guise of Mr. Right . He is the reason I hang out at LS. Since May, I have made up my mind to lay off the personals and dating in general. I need the break. Can't take another heartache in my life right now! I might feel differently down the road but right now I don't want a mani in my life. I feel emotionally burnt out. You are so like my daughter who prays that someone really NICE comes along and appreciates what a great person I am (smiling)!!! Hugs, sweetie! ANd again, thanks so much for all your kind suggestions.
fabulousgal Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 I have a lovely 23 year old daughter. Since my divorce 15 years ago, it's always been just the two of us. We were eachother's universe. We sustained eachother through everything. We managed very well and were happy. The problem is she moved away to another country to pursue her studies and live with her boyfriend. Now I am completely alone ..and I feel so sad and lonely. It's not always like that. Some days are better than others but mostly I feel depressed and miss her so. Whenever I think that this is how my life is going to be I feel despair. How does a single parent cope with something like this? You are still a mom! Your daughter sounds lovely. Where is she living, this will be the most amazing experience for her. You can use programs such as Skype to talk to her online (voice chat) for free! I'm an only and when I left my mom and dad, my mom took it kinda hard. I think you should try to talk to your daughter as much as you can, and maybe do some volunteer work. Animals, those less fortunate, and programs with children will make you feel wonderful to be appreciated for your care. I started this when my ex and I broke up, and it helped me deal with the loss. I would have never entered this forum, but I happened to see the thread title and your name on the main page.
Author marlena Posted October 26, 2007 Author Posted October 26, 2007 Your daughter sounds lovely And so do you. I couldn't resist responding to your post because you minded me so much of my own daughter. She also has a very good head on her shoulders and is very careful with choice of partners. I was very happy to read that there are young girls who can evaluate their potential partners/relationships and use plain common sense when it comes to making very serious decisions in their life. I find you have very admirable traits. Your responses to many of the posters were a treat ot read. Yes, my daughter and I are on line constantly, web cam and all. I watch her cook, feed the cat, wash her hair and everything else you can imagine. We talk at least five times a day. She is in Spain doing her Master's Degree in European and International law. She's living with a wonderful young man who is like a son to me. I am indeed blessed. Animals, those less fortunate, and programs with children will make you feel wonderful to be appreciated for your care. Well, I'm a teacher and so I am around young people all day. Our school has a special department for children with learning disabilites and special needs. I give specail attention to these children and the sense of fulfillment they offer me is tremendous. Actually, you've practically read my mind as I was only recently thinking of researching volunteer work for people, especially young people, who need help. This suits me more than joining a club for say jewelry making or macrame . I started this when my ex and I broke up, and it helped me deal with the loss. Like I have already said, you have many admirable qualities. This was discernible right from your very first posts. Girls like you are rare. Thanks so much for taking the time to respond. You have given me a very warm feeling. Take good, very good, care of yourself! Hugs, Marlena
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