Mr. Lucky Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 I say that because I asked him if he was on a dating process ( which he was) and he said yes but still contacts me and does not want to break it... Faith, I think you should get out of BOTH relationships and spend some time just getting your head together. Read some good books, go on some long bike rides, take up a new hobby and just...be. It's very, very difficult to make rational decisions when you are on the emotional roller coaster - maybe you should stop the ride and just get off? Mr. Lucky
Author Faith4u Posted October 31, 2007 Author Posted October 31, 2007 My friend always told me that he was ready to find the right girl and how I was all that he was looking for as far as compatibility and told me a couple of days ago how it is too bad that our times together were so short and that we could not explore being real girlfriend boyfriend ( of course not I am married - I am not even supposed to be where I am with him!) but i see his point that he wants stability being close to his 40ies and all. Cobra I did feel all that you have said below except that I do not feel rejection from him because he tries to put me on hold because he did not declare that he was dating when I saw him last. I felt it. I asked and he declared. Anyhow, I will be just fine I know, i do love him and will not tell him and will see where my marriage will take me, I am giving it a couple of months because all my H health apointments are next month so I will hear it all and make a decision with my H based on that. Thanks Cobra. Faith, There is a difference between between feeling in love and bieng in love. You feel in love with your friend. His declaration that is going to start dating is a blow to your ego. Thats it. Thats all. It sucks to get rejected, because you feel like your losing something. Suddenly you cant have it, that makes you want it more. But dont mistake that for love! Your friend isnt the love of your life, and you staying or leaving your marriage should have zero to do with your friends availability. This is a good time for you to realize that your going to be just fine! No matter the results... your strong enough that you will be just fine!
Author Faith4u Posted October 31, 2007 Author Posted October 31, 2007 I know that when you read what I write you feel that but I write only at moments of need when I am confused. I speak my mind. I do not restrain information and I want to be able to do that so I can get the right help. I am on a roller coaster, I do not feel ready to get off so quickly- I still have some things to take care of first. My feelings for my friends are true I know them I always knew but I might be confusing them with some sort of illusion since I never lived with my friend and he can turn out to be thr wrong guy for me. Right now I know that I do love him. My decisions should not be based on that only. Don't you think? Faith, I think you should get out of BOTH relationships and spend some time just getting your head together. Read some good books, go on some long bike rides, take up a new hobby and just...be. It's very, very difficult to make rational decisions when you are on the emotional roller coaster - maybe you should stop the ride and just get off? Mr. Lucky
Mr. Lucky Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 Right now I know that I do love him. My decisions should not be based on that only. Don't you think? No, I don't think that your decisions should be based on love only. However, hard to imagine you spending a productive period with your heart in one place and your head in another. At the minimum, you should go NC with your OM while you work through the many issues - health, compatibility, desire, etc. - circling around your marriage. Less is usually more in times like this... Mr. Lucky
bish Posted October 31, 2007 Posted October 31, 2007 Yep, I am think about seperation - it will get him to moove quicker and I can see better if he is serious about a change. As long as this is your reason for separation, then thats good. But are you sure you don't want to separate so you can get it on with this other guy and somehow feel free of guilt?
Author Faith4u Posted October 31, 2007 Author Posted October 31, 2007 No because I want my H to take the step of making those changes and he promised but never acted upon it before. Being alone can help me to get to know better the other person ( my friend) and see for real if I am better off alone. As long as this is your reason for separation, then thats good. But are you sure you don't want to separate so you can get it on with this other guy and somehow feel free of guilt?
Author Faith4u Posted October 31, 2007 Author Posted October 31, 2007 Yep, that is true it does release the pressure fromt his roller coster life! I do realize that it is impossible to see clear when I am emotionally in two places! I agree with what you are saying. No, I don't think that your decisions should be based on love only. However, hard to imagine you spending a productive period with your heart in one place and your head in another. At the minimum, you should go NC with your OM while you work through the many issues - health, compatibility, desire, etc. - circling around your marriage. Less is usually more in times like this... Mr. Lucky
Author Faith4u Posted November 2, 2007 Author Posted November 2, 2007 My friend is an expert in MIND GAmes!!!! I never noticed so much of that before I always knew that he does mind games but now I realize that he lives off of MIND GAMES. So, I left off saying to you guys that he started dating, he dated a girl on Sunday and another one on Thursday- What bothers me that he really lives the present and that is it- I know I should not be putting thoughts and energy on him but I did get envolved with him and I feel that this is eating me up. I would like to completetly stop emailing or responding on his emails, I have a hard time, do you think I will be OK in a month? THAT THIS IS A PHASE? how can I stay on top of myself now being that I am giving our couple a chance and I see my H working hard NOW to make it better? Any advice from men here please....!!!! Women too but I am trying to understand the man's mind games! Bring it on... Faith, There is a difference between between feeling in love and bieng in love. You feel in love with your friend. His declaration that is going to start dating is a blow to your ego. Thats it. Thats all. It sucks to get rejected, because you feel like your losing something. Suddenly you cant have it, that makes you want it more. But dont mistake that for love! Your friend isnt the love of your life, and you staying or leaving your marriage should have zero to do with your friends availability. This is a good time for you to realize that your going to be just fine! No matter the results... your strong enough that you will be just fine!
bestadvisor Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 You actually thought about leaving your H for a man who like to date around and play mind games?
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