Faith4u Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Dear readers, I have been married for over 6 years and known my husband for a couple of years too. My husband has been diagnosed 2 years ago with serious sleep apnea problems as a result, he gets easily agitated, angry, tired and puts all his energy at works and has none left for us as a couple. Our intimate life, has dropped considerably over the past 2 years, I believe it is because also of his severe sleep apnea. He uses the machine to sleep and must cover his mouth with duck tape because if he doesn't the air will pass through his noise and mouth. To make a long story short, he is not even happy putting the machine, not to mention that he snores really bad if he does not have the machine on or if he does not put the tape on! I have been sleeping in a different room for over 1 year now because I can not hear the machine blowing and can not sleep in the same bed. I will not put ear plugs because I tried and they fall off and also I am not comfortable being cut from natural noises and from reality. He also has 35% of hearing loss, since childhood and that does not make me feel secure to do so anyhow. We married for love, he is a wonderful faithful and a heart person. He married me for the same reasons. Right now, everything has changed because our fights, the direspect he gives me at times of anger and the sex life is really bad and we have had so many fights and arguments because he looses his head when he is angry, he swears in a middle of a fight he is really disrespectful verbally and I have lived with that for years now. Right now, he is starting to break things and it is scaring me. Everytime he acknowledge his mistakes, promises to change, to take care of himself but I am not being able to forgive and forget as I used too. I am a couple of years older than him and I am looking forward to have kids and we do not have any yet and I do not see how I can stay with him if he does not solve his health problems. The punch line is this. Before I met him, I liked a friend of mine at work, and we never dated, once kissed only, and we remained friends for almost 10 years. We kept seeing each other in parties and gatherings and he is single now and a couple of years older than me. I confide to him and one day, we gave in and had sex. Since that day, we can not not see each other without touching and I have never ever looked even at another guy when I dated in my life and now I am having an affair with someone else and feel that he is the right person for me. Is this an illusion? Is this just passion? This has been going on now ofr one year!!! We know so much about each other lives, we like each other a lot and the sex is outstanding between us. I feel really bad and I feel that even if I split with my husband we will not be a trusty couple because it started all in the wrong way... I do not think that he cares about that because he knows me well but I am ashamed of myself. The reason why I am staying it is because my husband realised that I am leaving him and keep promising me how he is looking into his health issues and went to the doctor last week (as I asked him to do so after he went angry and broke an item at home) and the doctor told him that he needs to see a psychatrist to solve his anger problem and he is looking into doing his sleep apnea operation. This can take over one year or more and I feel that I have no goal in life, I want to raise a family and I feel that I am waisting time by waiting. My friend would never advise me to leave him, He told me that he wants me to be sure of what I want. I am in a limbo state, trying to save my marriage and go back to what I was with my husband but may be in love with another ... Please send me your advise. I need some help...
Cobra_X30 Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 That sucks! You are in limbo... you have part of two men... but what you really need is a whole one. Why are you really staying with your husband? Do you honestly believe that deep down he will change forever? Not just for a year or two, but for forever, because thats what you need. This other guy is getting the feelings you displace from your husband. You will never have a shot at making either relationship work until you give one of them up! Perhaps its time to step out of limbo and begin a journey. You may not know where the road goes... but isnt it better than wasting your life waiting?
Author Faith4u Posted October 9, 2007 Author Posted October 9, 2007 This is why I waited at the first place: You see I have thought 2 years ago when he was diagnosed that results will starts to show within 6 to 10 months as the doctor said. This did not happen and things got worth because he changed from one machine to another for his sleep apnia. If we can only tell a bit of the future... I just thought I wait a bit now it is not a bit anymore and there is another man in the picture. Even if that other man was not in the picture, I feel that I am not ready anymore to have children with a man that has nervous system problems. Why do I stay? Because he is now starting to take more actions by visiting more doctors and showing me and telling me that he wants to work it out. Do I believe that he is going to get better? I do not know, it is another risk that I have to take. You see he is very kind and supportive and still has the qualities of the husband that I married. However, I have tip toe around his well-being and feelings and avoid him when he does not have a good day or when he slept bad. He knows it all too. You are right, I need to step out, I have been a coward because I say to myself what if he gets better? and I finally find no other person as good as he is? What if the other person that I am seeing is better to be a friend not in a relationship with me? Should I take the risk? or discuss it openly with my husband and tell him the truth no matter the consequences?
Cobra_X30 Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Well I cant tell you which direction to go. But I can tell you that you must make a choice... and soon! If you stay with your husband... you have to be willing to accept that he may never completely change. You need to be Ok with that, or you are just wasting time. This other guy may not love you the same way... or he may not love you at all. Its a risk because its unkown. So do you choose a relationship you know is bad, and may never change... or take a risk on one where the guy may not love you! I will tell you this. Even if neither men work out for you! There are plenty more that will!
Author Faith4u Posted October 9, 2007 Author Posted October 9, 2007 A seperation is something that I have been thinking about. I have even discussed it with my husband- He seems to find it useless, he always brings the fact that it is more complicated on all levels when 2 seperates. He also fears that I find someone else (!?) I think that I should have done the seperation a long time ago it helps him moove forward in taking faster actions on his health issues. He has been wasting my energy and waisting time on promises. Is honesty the best policy in this case? talk to him first about it all... or you suggest thay I should take the courage to just leave and see what happens?
Cobra_X30 Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 A seperation is something that I have been thinking about. I have even discussed it with my husband- He seems to find it useless, he always brings the fact that it is more complicated on all levels when 2 seperates. He also fears that I find someone else (!?) I think that I should have done the seperation a long time ago it helps him moove forward in taking faster actions on his health issues. He has been wasting my energy and waisting time on promises. Is honesty the best policy in this case? talk to him first about it all... or you suggest thay I should take the courage to just leave and see what happens? Yes, a seperation may get him moving faster on his health issues! But then again his fear is that you will find someone else... but you already have. Most girls a big on the trial seperation thing. As a guy I wont allow that... your either with me or your not. It seems like just a way of riding the fence and putting off making a real choice. You can do that if you want... but it may prolong your agony. It may force you to make a tougher choice in the end. But honestly... you need to do something... and you need to do it quick! Oh, and if you decide to stay with your husband. You will need to tell him about the affair!
Author Faith4u Posted October 9, 2007 Author Posted October 9, 2007 Tell my husband that I had an affair will not be more harmfull and add more pain to the relationship as is???? I thought about it and could not handle the drama because I feel that he does understand the reasons behind the possibility that I might be seeing someone else but he will always bring it up into my life if I admit it. He does that with other stuff, bringing up events or conversations from a long time ago when we are in a middle of an argument or a debate....and I feel that this technique is really immature, adds more problem to the problem and does not help us as a couple. He asked me even several times if I have met someone else, I have been acting in an open way that makes any man presume that. I do not hide my calls from my friend, I talk about him and all- he tells me that my friend is manipulative and is trying to steal me from him by acting kind and understanding. I hate to put it on him but you know what I feel? I feel that if my friend was not around, if I was not intimate with him, I will probably be already out of this relationship. At the same time this affair keeps me sane. I hate to say that but it is somehow true. I think my husband is smart enough to know that no person can cope, I did that for 4 years and broke down. I hate people that cheat and now I am labeled like that? I have fallen for this other guy big time and I fear that it is only because I see in him what I need and that he sees that too and gives it to me. Do you think that there is a way that my friend fell in love with me? or is he just weird and will always be this way with other women? He keeps telling me that I am his type and jokes around saying: Is there another copy of you? Being a picky person he is nearly 40 and still single. He even told me that he is not letting the chance go away like in the past as soon as I am single he will be at my door. You really think I have to tell my husband about the affair? Do you see how confused I am today? thanks.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Dont fool yourself. Your husband already knows... he just doesnt want to believe it! Trust me at some point he is going to stop fooling himself and start getting suspicous! It could be tommorrow it could be four years from now, but it will happen! What I am telling you... is that if you choose to stay with your husband you will need to come clean with him. You cant rebuild your marriage on a foundation of lies, it will crumble in the end, and this secret will be like a festering wound. It wont get better over time... the guilt will start to destroy you at some point. Right now you have alot of anger and resentment, and that shields you from these feelings at the moment! If he changes you will have to give up that anger, that resentment... and your shield will come down... and you will feel terrible! I dont know if your friend really loves you or is just using you for a booty call. The only way to find out is to talk to him! It's your future happiness right? Ask him.... "If I leave my husband right now... will you give 'us' a shot?" If you leave your husband and this other guy rejects you... are you afraid that no other guy will want you?
Author Faith4u Posted October 9, 2007 Author Posted October 9, 2007 Oh my friend and I have talked, many times about US. He said I am everything he wants in a woman and that we have knwn each other for so long and know so much about our lives and we do have the same hobbies. When we had the sex, that completed the puzzle. He knows that he likes women, so he said he was never ready to be with one before and wants to settle down. I am not sure if he will stop to be a flirt and that is another thing on my mind you know... My husband is not like that, he is the opposite the other extreme and I have been neglected sexually by him and he knows it and he tells me that he is tired etc. he is younger you know...! I know what you mean and you are right about coming clean especially that I am not a player in life and can not live with the guilt... I always wanted to be honest with him and I do feel that he knows about me and the other guy and does not want to face me with it. I am not afraid at about finding another man. I actually was never single! and I got used to that, dependance you see... I have to learn to live alone for a while beforfe I get in another relationship that would be the best. Thankls again I am happy that I am getting advise from a man, men understand each other. Dont fool yourself. Your husband already knows... he just doesnt want to believe it! Trust me at some point he is going to stop fooling himself and start getting suspicous! It could be tommorrow it could be four years from now, but it will happen! What I am telling you... is that if you choose to stay with your husband you will need to come clean with him. You cant rebuild your marriage on a foundation of lies, it will crumble in the end, and this secret will be like a festering wound. It wont get better over time... the guilt will start to destroy you at some point. Right now you have alot of anger and resentment, and that shields you from these feelings at the moment! If he changes you will have to give up that anger, that resentment... and your shield will come down... and you will feel terrible! I dont know if your friend really loves you or is just using you for a booty call. The only way to find out is to talk to him! It's your future happiness right? Ask him.... "If I leave my husband right now... will you give 'us' a shot?" If you leave your husband and this other guy rejects you... are you afraid that no other guy will want you?
Tomcat33 Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Hello Faith - After reading your story the one thing that stood out for me is his anger issues. I know that sleep apnea can cause irritability, when you are deprived of sleep you can be quite irritable and not 100% there in waking life. Much of the symptoms of the sleep deprived are similar to those who use drugs, sort of like the come down stage. Lack of attention span, depression, irritability, lethargy, dry mouth, irregular heart palpitations and even mild hallusinations basically your cognitive functions are generally slower and hazy. However, the anger thing is a learned behaviour that seems to compound because of the sleep condition. Especially since you mentioned you have lived with this anger for years, which implies it was always like this but it is only getting worse. Your husband has chosen to let his anger get the best of him and he is feeding into it because it feels good on some level. Above all health things he needs to adress he needs to manage that anger. His anger is learnt behaviour, he has allowed himself to use it in a very destructive way and he is only getting worse. I personally don't beleive in therapy when it comes to correcting behavioural patterns but some people do. So he needs to unlearn his anger and just stop, stop feeding into the outbursts and the tantrums or you might have to make a decision in order to achieve what is best for all. When you say he is breaking things it frightens me, as I am sure it frightens you too. Have you sat with him and talked about his anger issues? Lastly, we all know it takes two in an argument and there are deffinite triggers that can ignite a fight. However the way we deal with anger and manifest it is our responsiblity no matter what the other person seems to be doing. I hope he doesn't make you feel like you bring it out in him...?
Cobra_X30 Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 I am not afraid at about finding another man. I actually was never single! and I got used to that, dependance you see... I have to learn to live alone for a while beforfe I get in another relationship that would be the best. Thankls again I am happy that I am getting advise from a man, men understand each other. Thats good! Maybe a good next step would be consulting a lawyer about divorce. Get some info about what is involved. Perhaps its best you do this trial seperation! Though I dont like the idea in general... it may suit your purposes well.
Author Faith4u Posted October 10, 2007 Author Posted October 10, 2007 I appreciate your analysis. Actually, he is very very irritable and that is leading to anger. You are right about the fact that he got away with anger all his life I think since he lived with his parents- that is something I learned a couplefo years ago. He is very positive at work, an in life he likes only to focus on positive. Sometimes we have some situations or things we need to discuss that are sort of negative or require some thinking that is not on a positive pattern and he gets frustrated at me and tells me how I am negative. At days I feel that he is somehow with 2 personalities and that is related to sleep apnea. The ups and downs are frequent and I avoid some conversations with him just to avoid confrontation and I feel that I have to sweeten my sentences in order to be listened to without being looked at like a trouble maker. You know what I mean? He does not have hallucinations, or any concentration issues, he works in sales, is excellent at it, puts all his energy into it and when it comes to evening time, most of the week he is tired to be intimate on a secual level with me. He likes weight lifitng and does it once or twice a week and knows that cardiovascular workout is good for him and is still not getting into it as much as he needs to! He does make me feel that it is my fault and how I am making him angry and while he is doing that he is verbally very abusive. I have to say that I have a strong caracter and don't take ****. So I answer back and the best way I found is to leave when he is in that state and when I do he tells me how I don,t care and how I don,t love him etc. I tell him I need to take care of my health, what you do is destroying me as much as it is destroying you...! Hello Faith - After reading your story the one thing that stood out for me is his anger issues. I know that sleep apnea can cause irritability, when you are deprived of sleep you can be quite irritable and not 100% there in waking life. Much of the symptoms of the sleep deprived are similar to those who use drugs, sort of like the come down stage. Lack of attention span, depression, irritability, lethargy, dry mouth, irregular heart palpitations and even mild hallusinations basically your cognitive functions are generally slower and hazy. However, the anger thing is a learned behaviour that seems to compound because of the sleep condition. Especially since you mentioned you have lived with this anger for years, which implies it was always like this but it is only getting worse. Your husband has chosen to let his anger get the best of him and he is feeding into it because it feels good on some level. Above all health things he needs to adress he needs to manage that anger. His anger is learnt behaviour, he has allowed himself to use it in a very destructive way and he is only getting worse. I personally don't beleive in therapy when it comes to correcting behavioural patterns but some people do. So he needs to unlearn his anger and just stop, stop feeding into the outbursts and the tantrums or you might have to make a decision in order to achieve what is best for all. When you say he is breaking things it frightens me, as I am sure it frightens you too. Have you sat with him and talked about his anger issues? Lastly, we all know it takes two in an argument and there are deffinite triggers that can ignite a fight. However the way we deal with anger and manifest it is our responsiblity no matter what the other person seems to be doing. I hope he doesn't make you feel like you bring it out in him...?
Author Faith4u Posted October 10, 2007 Author Posted October 10, 2007 Yep, I am think about seperation - it will get him to moove quicker and I can see better if he is serious about a change. Thats good! Maybe a good next step would be consulting a lawyer about divorce. Get some info about what is involved. Perhaps its best you do this trial seperation! Though I dont like the idea in general... it may suit your purposes well.
Tomcat33 Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 I appreciate your analysis. Actually, he is very very irritable and that is leading to anger. You are right about the fact that he got away with anger all his life I think since he lived with his parents- that is something I learned a couplefo years ago. He is very positive at work, an in life he likes only to focus on positive. Sometimes we have some situations or things we need to discuss that are sort of negative or require some thinking that is not on a positive pattern and he gets frustrated at me and tells me how I am negative. At days I feel that he is somehow with 2 personalities and that is related to sleep apnea. The ups and downs are frequent and I avoid some conversations with him just to avoid confrontation and I feel that I have to sweeten my sentences in order to be listened to without being looked at like a trouble maker. You know what I mean? He does not have hallucinations, or any concentration issues, he works in sales, is excellent at it, puts all his energy into it and when it comes to evening time, most of the week he is tired to be intimate on a secual level with me. He likes weight lifitng and does it once or twice a week and knows that cardiovascular workout is good for him and is still not getting into it as much as he needs to! He does make me feel that it is my fault and how I am making him angry and while he is doing that he is verbally very abusive. I have to say that I have a strong caracter and don't take ****. So I answer back and the best way I found is to leave when he is in that state and when I do he tells me how I don,t care and how I don,t love him etc. I tell him I need to take care of my health, what you do is destroying me as much as it is destroying you...! Wow Faith I am so sorry to read everything you just said. A high percentage of our population suffers or is diagnosed with sleep apnea, and that is no excuse for your H's anger problems. It really sounds like he just allows himself to lose control because he taught himself it's ok to do that in his comfort zones. Especially if you say he does not have these problems at work or in more confined areas then he can definitely control his actions. I think you might have to reassess whether you want to be with someone who is going to do something to break out of destructive patterns or not and he needs to know that it has come down to the crunch that you are seriously thinking of making a move unless he commits to a change in behaviour. Do you still want to be with him if he improves? Can you still love him if he can come around to be more like the man you feel in love with? Please do not allow him to blame you for his anger patterns, they are his emotions and he is the one who needs to own them. Anger is a natural emotion which we are all equipt to feel and express but when that becomes a pattern of destruction to those that you love then it is not being managed at all.
Mr. Lucky Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 Yep, I am think about seperation - it will get him to moove quicker and I can see better if he is serious about a change. While you continue to see your OM? Not really fair to anyone involved... Mr. Lucky
Author Faith4u Posted October 10, 2007 Author Posted October 10, 2007 If I get separated from my H I am honestly not sure what I will be feeling or what he will be feeling. He or myself might relaize how we want to be together, how we have to give it a hard shot or we can simply feel better being apart and not miss each other. As for the other man in my life, it is not fair from the start. Is what is happening to my relationship fair? Is life fair? While you continue to see your OM? Not really fair to anyone involved... Mr. Lucky
reboot Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 His point is if you separate to be with the OM, then you might as well go ahead and get divorced. You can't be with another AND work on your marriage. That just won't work.
Mr. Lucky Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 As for the other man in my life, it is not fair from the start. Is what is happening to my relationship fair? Is life fair? So we can all use that to rationalize our unethical and immoral acts? "Sorry, people I've hurt, life's just not fair". I have a hard time believing that's how you want to live your life. You owe it to everyone involved to make a decision. I make no judgement on whether or not you should stay in your M, but it sounds like, based on present circumstances, that your H and OM are in limbo with you. Again, what you're doing isn't fair to anyone involved... Mr. Lucky
Author Faith4u Posted October 10, 2007 Author Posted October 10, 2007 Mr. Lucky, I am not defending my acts at all. What is happening in my relationship has happened on a long period of time. I did not wake up not satisfied and decided to see another man. Some people see other people for the fun of it or because they enjoy flirting in their lives. If you read my original post (thread),all the events have lead me to were I am today. I surely do not like it. I am not planning on keeping this up. I am not looking for replies from people that tell me that it is immoral or not, I know what it is. Fairness is a big term. Decisions are not just based on logic when it comes to love matters. I am not capable until this point to think logically 1o0% and retrieve all emotions that I have, I think COBRA X30 gave me the best advice so far and understands the situation based on the events that happened in my life. And one more thing, I am not planning on separation and seeing the OM. The separation is meant to help him first take actions on his health issues. By sticking around for so long he is taking for granted that I can wait longer just like I have been for the last couple of years. I appreciate all advices. Thanks.
starfish36 Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 Mr. Lucky, I am not defending my acts at all. What is happening in my relationship has happened on a long period of time. I did not wake up not satisfied and decided to see another man. Some people see other people for the fun of it or because they enjoy flirting in their lives. If you read my original post (thread),all the events have lead me to were I am today. I surely do not like it. I am not planning on keeping this up. I am not looking for replies from people that tell me that it is immoral or not, I know what it is. Fairness is a big term. Decisions are not just based on logic when it comes to love matters. I am not capable until this point to think logically 1o0% and retrieve all emotions that I have, I think COBRA X30 gave me the best advice so far and understands the situation based on the events that happened in my life. And one more thing, I am not planning on separation and seeing the OM. The separation is meant to help him first take actions on his health issues. By sticking around for so long he is taking for granted that I can wait longer just like I have been for the last couple of years. I appreciate all advices. Thanks. You know what? I know exactly how you feel Faith4u. I said in one of my posts in my thread that I feel like I've explained all our issues to my H and things will change for a little bit but then go back to normal. I feel like I've exhausted all possibilities to make it work. So what now? What may not be a big deal to him is a huge deal to me. And another thing, which is not a good thing but I can't help because I'm only human, I love the OM. I know that doesn't help the situation with my H one bit but I can't help it. I've read so many things that say sometimes seperation is a good thing, and sometimes two married people going their own way are better off for everyone, so that makes me think....are we the small percentage of people who are actually better off going our own ways?? But then I do get sad thinking of being without him, I mean he is a friend too! I just feel so mixed up. How bout you?!!
Author Faith4u Posted October 10, 2007 Author Posted October 10, 2007 Hey starfish36- Yes he is a very good friend not just a H. In fact, I tell him sometimes that I need from him to be more a lover, since he does not ask to have sex, I tell him I have plenty of friends! Also, my situation is very heart breaking because he suffers from sleep apnea. That means as he gets into mood swings and he gets frustrated, agitated, edgy and gets from being normal to angry. I am afraid to say i love the OM but I feel that I do. And I am still in love with my H the one that I married not the other flip that he has become because of his health issues. I feel bad because I say what if I was in his shoes? and thna I say, NO if I was in his shoes my health will come FIRST, I will not drag along and pitty myself and put my frustrations on my loved one. I am almost a door mat, I told him that and that this has got to stop because I am not your garbage bag where you through in all your ****. Yep! he listens, he promises, we have tried to moove on for a couple fo years now and my life is going before me, I want to have children and I want a normal life like I always wanted to have. His actions are begging me to stay and I am trying to not communicate with the OM about my life anymore and not call or email to the minimum. It makes me miserable but I keep busy and I am fooling myself until I get the courage to leave if things are going to stay the way they are. Life is too short to be lived like that. What do you think?
Mr. Lucky Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 Mr. Lucky, I am not defending my acts at all. What is happening in my relationship has happened on a long period of time. I did not wake up not satisfied and decided to see another man. Some people see other people for the fun of it or because they enjoy flirting in their lives. If you read my original post (thread),all the events have lead me to were I am today. I surely do not like it. I am not planning on keeping this up. I am not looking for replies from people that tell me that it is immoral or not, I know what it is. Fairness is a big term. Decisions are not just based on logic when it comes to love matters. I am not capable until this point to think logically 1o0% and retrieve all emotions that I have, I think COBRA X30 gave me the best advice so far and understands the situation based on the events that happened in my life. Faith4u, I agree that fairness, ethics and morality are all relative terms. I was responding to the aspect of your situation that seemed like you were juggling simultaneous relationships with your H and OM while you worked through the issues involved in each. My point was simply that they deserve the right to make informed decisions also. I wish you well... Mr. Lucky
Author Faith4u Posted October 11, 2007 Author Posted October 11, 2007 Faith4u, I agree that fairness, ethics and morality are all relative terms. I was responding to the aspect of your situation that seemed like you were juggling simultaneous relationships with your H and OM while you worked through the issues involved in each. My point was simply that they deserve the right to make informed decisions also. I wish you well... Mr. Lucky --------- I appreciate your thoughts on this. I understand what you mean and I do not want to juggle, it is exhausting and unhealthy for me and for others. If I do seperate, I will need time alone. Thanks for the advice.
Author Faith4u Posted October 11, 2007 Author Posted October 11, 2007 I tried yesterday to clarify what is going on in our lives and tell him what I feel and why I can't wait and need a change... I blocked!!!! I feel all has been said in the past and I kind of anticipated his behavior and answers so I stopped! Do you think that this is it- This is how people seperate? They have nothing to say anymore and even that they want to make it better that are out of ways and can not be understood? help....!
Cobra_X30 Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 I tried yesterday to clarify what is going on in our lives and tell him what I feel and why I can't wait and need a change... I blocked!!!! I feel all has been said in the past and I kind of anticipated his behavior and answers so I stopped! Do you think that this is it- This is how people seperate? They have nothing to say anymore and even that they want to make it better that are out of ways and can not be understood? help....! Blocked? Does that mean you felt uncomfortable talking about it with him? Seperation for me usually comes when I say "pack your stuff and get out". For you.... Maybe you just need to say, "I'm leaving, if you want to talk feel free to give me a call"!
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