loveinlife Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 i just met this attractive girl last saturday and looks like she just got out of a relationship. she is sad right now. what can i do or project myself in her presence. I mean i want to see if anything can spark between us, at the same time i don't want to be her rebound. should i just be friendly first and c how it goes? what do you guys/girls think?
peace_pipe Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 I would have to say good luck to you. You know that she is emotionally unavailable right now and you have to take that for what it is worth. Dating means taking risks, and with this girl you have one more risk to consider. I have been in this situation many times and it never worked out well for me, not to say that it can't for you, but I believe the odds are stacked against you. Personally, I have very little if no emotional baggage and I feel cheated if I have to deal with someone else's. But that's just me. I believe that when a person is ready for something meaningful - there will be no baggage. On the other hand, most women tend to have emotional baggage that you will have to deal with anyway. My bottom line advice: Take it slow, be her friend and date/sleep with other girls. Do not put her on a pedastal. Simply make your presence known and if she ever gets her head out of her a$$ then she'll come around. Until then, you've got a package deal - a new girl and her old baggage. Good luck.
Mezzi Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Sounds like you already have a good idea as to what to do. Being friendly first sounds good just take it slow. If you rush into things you might hear "im not ready to start dating again." You can start by being friendly and caring and then build on that by asking her out. Like I said though be careful not to rush things. All the best.
uniqueone Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 i just met this attractive girl last saturday and looks like she just got out of a relationship. she is sad right now. what can i do or project myself in her presence. I mean i want to see if anything can spark between us, at the same time i don't want to be her rebound. should i just be friendly first and c how it goes? what do you guys/girls think? It's possible that she's thinking of her ex a lot--even while she's with you. She could even be comparing you to her ex...that is, if she's even considering you for dating. She may just need you for support right now. Problem is, you can be supportive for months and she finally gets over her ex and then she sees someone who sparks her interest to date and you're left standing there. This sounds really awful, I know but it happens all the time so I'm just trying to be realistic so that you realize what you might be dealing with. Then again, it could be that she's to the point where she DOES she what's in front of her face and therefore your charm and abilty to make her laugh could spark an interest in her. It really depends where she is in the healing process.
Lance Taylor Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 A little different advice. I dont think you should try to be friends. I mean you should be friendly to her and treat her with respect, but you could easily be put in the friends zone. If a girl says she doesnt want to date anyone, most of the time it means she doesnt want to date you. Its their way of letting you down easily. So try to avoid this at all cost, make it your decision whether or not you want to date her. Now, you have to go into this with open eyes. Probably one of the reasons that she doesnt want to date you is that she still wants to be with her ex. So regardless of what happens, this could be an issue. So how do you project yourself? At first I would be the fun guy to take her mind off of the ex. If you ask her to do something, make sure it is fun. Dont talk about the ex. ever! That will make you a good listening friend but not a boyfriend. Be nice and fun, but in a flirtatious way. Make it obvious that the reason you are hanging out with her is that you want something more. This way when it is time to make a move, she wont be surprised and grossed out. Most importantly, dont be needy. If she asks you to do something, dont immediately say yes. Say you have plans but you can do it later. Girls can sense neediness a mile away, so avoid anything that makes you seem needy, in fact overtly do things that make you seem non-needy, i.e. go out with other girls, be unavailable, etc. You want to be a challenge to her, not the guy that is obsessed with her. You can seem like a challenge while still pursuing her but you have to be aware of how all you actions are perceived. What i mean is, you can call a girl everyday if you say the right things and act like it isnt a big deal if you date her or not because you have other options. But if you call a girl everyday and you dont have anything else going on and you constantly want to ask her about your relationship, then you come off as needy. Good luck!
peace_pipe Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 I would run, run away. I would simple because: a) I know there are good women out there who won't subject me to this kind of baggage. b) You have to look out for yourself first - and in this situation you simply can't. Her emotional baggage is first.
Recommended Posts