AriaIncognito Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 So as most of you know I joined a band a few months ago. I made a myspace and I invited some of my myspace friends to this site and well, my ex was one of them. I was dumb enough to look at his myspace (which he visits about once a month) and he accepted 2 friend requests from friends of his (that i know of and aren't girlfriends lol) and didnt' accept my band invite. Now, my brain is all stupid and wondering why he can't even bother to friend my band even though he has no reason to and i know this. I've been no contact for over 4 months, and technically, he and I haven't had contact, despite my few minor attempts at it. Of course, when you do this, you basically start your own mental processes over the whys of it all. So now i wonder why he didn't accept, or if he misses me and that's why he doesnt' want the reminder, etc. It's dumb and I shouldn't have done it, and i knew it at the time i sent it a month ago, but well, i was excited about the band and really wanted him to know about it I guess. it's a sad sad sad thing. So, the next time you think about making even minor contact, come back here and read this, and realize that it will do you NO good. All it does is reopen the worms for you, and more than likely is absolutely NOTHING to them.
oppath Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Myspace is the DEVIL for breakups. When you still hurt or have feelings, you want a certain type of response. If you don't get what you want, it hurts. Best to leave them completely in your mirror.
Author AriaIncognito Posted October 9, 2007 Author Posted October 9, 2007 Myspace is the DEVIL for breakups. When you still hurt or have feelings, you want a certain type of response. If you don't get what you want, it hurts. Best to leave them completely in your mirror. You're very right on this one. I was going to take him off my list but of course your brain goes "well, if i take him off he wont see all the bulletins and be reminded of how awesome I am" (no i dont send out awesome bulletins i just mean about how my life has gotten even better since he left it lol. Dating sites are also the devil. Myspace is bad cuz they put status on there, which he still lists single even though last I knew back in may he was with someone that he left me for. Who knows. I know I shouldnt' care but I still grapple with it even now. I'm a lot stronger than i was in the past, and I'm getting there, but it'll still take time.
Trialbyfire Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Three steps forward, two steps back. Keep to NC ariawoman, so you can move on.
Author AriaIncognito Posted October 9, 2007 Author Posted October 9, 2007 Three steps forward, two steps back. Keep to NC ariawoman, so you can move on. Thanks TBF. To be honest, this is the longest I've gone NC with him, and I'm quite proud. Who knows, he might not be contacting because he knows he couldn't stay away from me if he did. I have no idea, nor should i care. I just can't wait until i get to that point where I indeed don't care. I assume it will take becoming interested in someone else to truly get 100% over this feeling of absolute alone/nevergonnafindsomeone ness. On the plus side, I was witness first hand to the fact that i will be over it someday, after seeing my ex that i was with 4 years at my gig. I felt absolutely nothing for him, and that felt amazing. I can't wait to feel that for my current ex.
Trialbyfire Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Thanks TBF. To be honest, this is the longest I've gone NC with him, and I'm quite proud. Who knows, he might not be contacting because he knows he couldn't stay away from me if he did. I have no idea, nor should i care. I just can't wait until i get to that point where I indeed don't care. I assume it will take becoming interested in someone else to truly get 100% over this feeling of absolute alone/nevergonnafindsomeone ness. On the plus side, I was witness first hand to the fact that i will be over it someday, after seeing my ex that i was with 4 years at my gig. I felt absolutely nothing for him, and that felt amazing. I can't wait to feel that for my current ex. It is something to look forward to, isn't it? My ex-H was the love of my life but now, I can look at him dispassionately and think, okay, he's very good-looking, so what?
Author AriaIncognito Posted October 9, 2007 Author Posted October 9, 2007 It is something to look forward to, isn't it? My ex-H was the love of my life but now, I can look at him dispassionately and think, okay, he's very good-looking, so what? Yeah, i suppose it is. it's been 7 years in the making for my ex though, so i'd hope it would be done with lol. You spend so much time wishing you could know how the exes were feeling, but really how many of us would actually be happy if we learned the truth, that they didn't even give us a second thought. I imagine this is the case for most exes who have moved onto another person.
Ariadne Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 So now i wonder why he didn't accept, or if he misses me and that's why he doesnt' want the reminder, etc. (LOL!)
Teacher's Pet Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 And just think... your ex is still on MY friend's list too. LOL I guess I leave him there so not only can he see how awesome you are without him... he knows you have awesome friends, too, and don't need him to have happiness in your life. My ex has a Myspace page, but as of the last time I looked, she only has "Tom" as a friend. I don't even know if she knows about my page (she didn't have a myspace page when we were together)... if she did, she'd see I have a lot of terrific friends (mainly women!), and I'm doing a lot of fun things and have a really fun job. Stupid me, though, I've peeked at her AOL profile to see pictures of her and her dopey new man..... who knows.... She seems to like the dopey ones, or at least the ones she can easily manipulate. -tp big dope (but with hot friends)
Teacher's Pet Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 It is something to look forward to, isn't it? My ex-H was the love of my life but now, I can look at him dispassionately and think, okay, he's very good-looking, so what? Looks fade. Sure, my ex was cute in a "dorky wannabe rocker chick/psuedo-athletic" kinda way, but I've dated better looking women, too, so I don't miss her "look"... Honestly, the 2% of me that still misses her in some way doesn't know WHY. -tp probably da nookie
Author AriaIncognito Posted October 9, 2007 Author Posted October 9, 2007 So now i wonder why he didn't accept, or if he misses me and that's why he doesnt' want the reminder, etc. (LOL!) I'm glad that you find happiness in my sadness ariadne. really classy.
Trialbyfire Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Looks fade. Sure, my ex was cute in a "dorky wannabe rocker chick/psuedo-athletic" kinda way, but I've dated better looking women, too, so I don't miss her "look"... Honestly, the 2% of me that still misses her in some way doesn't know WHY. -tp probably da nookie Agreed. What matters more is the person underneath and how you perceive them. Before it hit the fan, he was incredibly irresistible to me. Now...he's just another good-looking guy. Pretty meaningless without the depth of emotion behind it.
Art_Critic Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 the 2% of me that still misses her in some way Every time you masturbate that 2% gets smaller.. with every shot a bit more disappears.. Soon it will be zero...
Ariadne Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 I'm glad that you find happiness in my sadness ariadne Nooo...... I didn't find any amusement in your "sadness" (sorry about that) but in that statement. Ariadne
Author AriaIncognito Posted October 9, 2007 Author Posted October 9, 2007 I'm glad that you find happiness in my sadness ariadne Nooo...... I didn't find any amusement in your "sadness" (sorry about that) but in that statement. Ariadne Why would a statement like that be miscontrued as funny?
Ariadne Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Hi, Because to me it's absurd. That guy doesn't know what "else" to do to get rid of you. To the extreme of rejecting friend invitations to the myspace. Ariadne
Author AriaIncognito Posted October 9, 2007 Author Posted October 9, 2007 Hi, Because to me it's absurd. That guy doesn't know what "else" to do to get rid of you. To the extreme of rejecting friend invitations to the myspace. Ariadne Wow yeah that's real funny. Seriously? You are going to pass judgement upon me for a thought when you've done what you've done? I don't think so. You can please feel free to bypass my threads if you dont have anything to contribute but drivel. I dont need unexplained "lol"s in my thread. Cut to the chase. Having something to offer, good or bad, is fine. Replying with "lol" is about as inane as replying to a thread with an "ok". And just to stir the pot a little more, if he wanted so badly to be rid of me as you say, he'd be removing me from his site. Fact of the matter is, he's left me on so that he could read my blog on another site and then on myspace, and lord knows where else. So before you go assuming you know what both parties are thinking, stop and realize you dont have a clue. I'm not saying that him leaving me on means anything because I'm well aware that it could be not thought of at all, but if you really were looking to sever ALL ties with someone, you'd delete them. Done and done.
Author AriaIncognito Posted October 9, 2007 Author Posted October 9, 2007 Hi, To the extreme of rejecting friend invitations to the myspace. Ariadne Oh and just for the record, he hasn't "rejected" anything nor did my original post say he rejected it. It merely said he hasn't accepted it. It's very possible it's sitting in his inbox for him to access the link easily without my knowing he cares. It's also possible that he could care less and he deleted it. Either way, I said nothing of being rejected.
NorCalDave Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Every time you masturbate that 2% gets smaller.. with every shot a bit more disappears.. Soon it will be zero... This is sick but I have some "After" bodybuilding pics of us on my computer, and lately my thing has been whacking it to those pics. I know, probably not a good idea if you're trying to get someone out of your head. I get really excited by her physically though. I wish I could just sleep with her again and have it be horrible-like she smells or something- so I wouldn't put her up on such a pedestal. I remember with my highschool sweetheart from high school, we tried re-kindling after a couple years apart, and when it came time to get it on upstairs, I just wasn't feeling it anymore. I didn't have that desire to rip her clothes off...she was going through a hippie stage so she didn't smell that good to me either...she didn't smell like the sheltered virgin I fell in love with.... ...anyways, I was able to move on after that. I was like, "Oh well, I guess she isn't the one." Now, we are friends and even though she is unbelievable looking, I don't feel much for her. I see her now as a sister. I even went to her wedding a few weeks ago. It was weird, but not heartbreaking. With my new ex, I can't seem to shake her!! She's so elusive, and hard to get, and noncommittal, and wishy-washy, and emotionally unavailable....and we are on 2 months of NC, and now she lives right down the street from me so I always see her car sitting in the driveway at night. I want to stop by and say hi to her every night but I don't. Keepin the NC going, it's the only option.
oppath Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Never masturbate about an ex. Get a bunch of porn and find some other fantasy! Earlier this summer, I found my ex's blog. Essentially, 1.5 weeks after the breakup she asked me to be FWB; I expressed anger and her response was "I was just joking." Last words I ever heard from her. Then I found out her ex before me PROPOSED to her 1.5 weeks before our breakup. I was the "rebound" guy who so many women and men complain about on here. It's equally as devastating to be that guy. No, she didn't go back to him, I don't know what happened. But finding her blog was HORRIBLE. There wasn't much there, a post clearly about her ex after all her drama with me, how she had never loved someone more than she still loved him, and some posts about another guy who she was talking to before she committed to me, saying "I wish you'd offer what you so weakly expressed before" which was, of course, a FWB relationship at the time. And there were posts after she had hooked up with him, how she fell in love the previous summer with him, how that hot summer left her skin colder to the touch, how she wished she could reclaim her long lost youth, etc. This was 3 months after our breakup, so within a 1 year time she was "in love" with at least 3 people. She told me she loved me within 3 months of ending a 5 year relationship, and was in love with another guy within 3 months of ending things with me. It was a mistake to even look. Essentially, it created panic and anxiety. No good can come of it. Regarding myspace: I told her before she left my apartment I was going to drop her as a friend, the reason being "I don't want to see your photo every day, I don't want to risk seeing comments from guys I don't know or dates. When I am dispassionate towards you, maybe then we can be friends and if we reconnect I will add you." Her response was "that's silly and immature." Really, I was trying to explain myself so we'd have the best chance of a future friendship. There is an online trail...don't follow it. Create your own path towards new people.
NorCalDave Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 Never masturbate about an ex. Get a bunch of porn and find some other fantasy! Earlier this summer, I found my ex's blog. Essentially, 1.5 weeks after the breakup she asked me to be FWB; I expressed anger and her response was "I was just joking." Last words I ever heard from her. Then I found out her ex before me PROPOSED to her 1.5 weeks before our breakup. I was the "rebound" guy who so many women and men complain about on here. It's equally as devastating to be that guy. No, she didn't go back to him, I don't know what happened. But finding her blog was HORRIBLE. There wasn't much there, a post clearly about her ex after all her drama with me, how she had never loved someone more than she still loved him, and some posts about another guy who she was talking to before she committed to me, saying "I wish you'd offer what you so weakly expressed before" which was, of course, a FWB relationship at the time. And there were posts after she had hooked up with him, how she fell in love the previous summer with him, how that hot summer left her skin colder to the touch, how she wished she could reclaim her long lost youth, etc. This was 3 months after our breakup, so within a 1 year time she was "in love" with at least 3 people. She told me she loved me within 3 months of ending a 5 year relationship, and was in love with another guy within 3 months of ending things with me. It was a mistake to even look. Essentially, it created panic and anxiety. No good can come of it. Regarding myspace: I told her before she left my apartment I was going to drop her as a friend, the reason being "I don't want to see your photo every day, I don't want to risk seeing comments from guys I don't know or dates. When I am dispassionate towards you, maybe then we can be friends and if we reconnect I will add you." Her response was "that's silly and immature." Really, I was trying to explain myself so we'd have the best chance of a future friendship. There is an online trail...don't follow it. Create your own path towards new people. I know what you're saying but there's something about whacking off to a woman I've already made love to before. Besides, I'm tired of my old porn and I just want to make love to her again!!!!!!! Darn it. A year ago this time, we were trying to get her pregnant. Now, a year later and we're living down the street from each other as complete strangers. Go figure. I know it's probably a bad idea to whack it to her though.
oppath Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 IT IS A TERRIBLE IDEA TO MASTURBATE TO AN EX!!!!!!! To move on, letting go of the sexual is one of the most important pieces. By sexually fantasizing, you are holding on to an emotional hope!!!!
fabulousgal Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 Wow, I am sure Ariawoman wanted her thread to be jacked, abducted, and become sickening! Anyway, AW don't think too much of it. It won't get you anywere. Just stay strong like you have been
Author AriaIncognito Posted October 10, 2007 Author Posted October 10, 2007 Good lord, yeah keep that crap off my threads. How come Tony didn't pull that stuff off this thread? I've gotten pulled for non-offensive off topic things.
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