Phateless Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Oh come now, the old blue balls thing is way over done. If a guy can't figure out a way to...combat...this issue, he needs to go back to biology 101. It's not the physical thing. It's a mindf*ck. If we feel like you intentionally leave us hanging in that way it's very frustrating. I'm not saying she should sleep with him, I'm just saying that if you start a job you should finish it. Make sense? If a girl puts her hand down there and abruptly stops after a while for no apparent reason, I might be pissed because I feel like she's playing games with me. Depending on the situation, it could be fun... I'm just trying to clue her in to the guy's perspective, that's all.
dropdeadlegs Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 It's not the physical thing. It's a mindf*ck. If we feel like you intentionally leave us hanging in that way it's very frustrating. I'm not saying she should sleep with him, I'm just saying that if you start a job you should finish it. Make sense? If a girl puts her hand down there and abruptly stops after a while for no apparent reason, I might be pissed because I feel like she's playing games with me. Depending on the situation, it could be fun... I'm just trying to clue her in to the guy's perspective, that's all. Well understood, but having a general knowledge of Kamille, she isn't that kind of lady. It's just about getting to know someone from their posts, and we don't have that with you...yet.
Phateless Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Don't worry, you will... I'm not the pushy type. If a girl stops midway I don't let it phase me. But sex is important to guys and it can f*ck with our heads a lot more than you might think...
Trialbyfire Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Well understood, but having a general knowledge of Kamille, she isn't that kind of lady. It's just about getting to know someone from their posts, and we don't have that with you...yet. Agreed. If a guy thinks it's a mind**** to wait, his mind isn't where Kamille needs it to be...
Phateless Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 No no no, it's not a mind**** to wait... it's a mind**** to feel like you're getting jerked around... start and stop, start and stop. Does that make sense? She gets horny, we start getting hot and heavy, then she puts on the brakes all of a sudden. If that happens several times in a row I'll get frustrated. I have nooo problem waiting for a girl to be ready, but I do appreciate being taken care of in the meantime.
Trialbyfire Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Apparently you're solely thinking of self, in a dating capacity. It's not your right to demand something she's not prepared to give, for whatever reason. She doesn't owe you anything. Part of the issue is how far it goes. I can't imagine anyone stopping at oral. If you're going that far, what's the difference?
Phateless Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 I never demand anything. I'm merely stating that some guys get frustrated, obviously some more than others. I'm more chill about it because I agree with you. I don't think anyone should be forced to go farther than they want, male or female. I've actually experienced it firsthand. Again, all I was trying to do was clue her in to some guy's thought process. That doesn't make it right or wrong, or even necessarily mean that I agree with it.
Trialbyfire Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 I won't disagree this is some guys' thought processes. Where I stand is that a guy like that isn't worth a woman like Kamille's time.
Phateless Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Probably true... it just sounds to me like he's in a hurry to get her into bed.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Oh come now, the old blue balls thing is way over done. If a guy can't figure out a way to...combat...this issue, he needs to go back to biology 101. Yeah, but sometimes a guy requires a little help!
Trialbyfire Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 I'm not certain this is the MO for Kamille's guy. Only time will tell.
Trialbyfire Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Yeah, but sometimes a guy requires a little help! How do I state this without getting detailed?
Star Gazer Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 I have nooo problem waiting for a girl to be ready, but I do appreciate being taken care of in the meantime. This makes no sense. One cannot "wait" and yet "be taken care of" in the sexual sense.
Phateless Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 I'm talking about waiting for actual sex. I've had girls who want to do everything but.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 How do I state this without getting detailed? What happens when a friend has a problem? A real friend is willing to lend a hand! Right? Why wouldnt you do this for a boyfriend?
Trialbyfire Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 What happens when a friend has a problem? A real friend is willing to lend a hand! Right? Why wouldnt you do this for a boyfriend? Eh? My friends don't ask for sex... As for b/f, I won't go far unless it's with the understanding that it's all the way. Now in Kamille's case, he's a guy she's had a third date with. He's not her b/f yet and they haven't had the exclusivity discussion.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Eh? My friends don't ask for sex... As for b/f, I won't go far unless it's with the understanding that it's all the way. Now in Kamille's case, he's a guy she's had a third date with. He's not her b/f yet and they haven't had the exclusivity discussion. I'm sure your friends do ask for a favor every now and then. That was a double meaning! I didnt use the term "lend a hand" for nothing! Honest, as a guy, we are practically forced to push for it from day one. It sperates the girls like you and Kamile, from the rest.
Saxis Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Honest, as a guy, we are practically forced to push for it from day one. Pretty much right on. 99% of the time, if we don't make the move, it will never happen. It works the other way around with relationship problems it seems. 99% of the time, guys try to ignore it, and women bring it up.
reboot Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Some of you "guys" make the rest of us look pretty bad.
Author Kamille Posted October 9, 2007 Author Posted October 9, 2007 Woah I leave for two hours and look what happens! Thanks everyone for testimonies regarding my character. Phateless, I think I get what you mean, but let me reassure everyone here that clothes were kept on in all three dates and that no hands were in anybody's pants. He just invited me to sleep over. And he keeps pushing for a sleep over. Something about spending the night in each other's arm. To which I replied: ah come on! I know what that means! I have calmed down since last night and thanks to you guys, feel like I've recovered my senses. Really, I'd much prefer not to rush anything and if he isn't into it - if it's a major problem for him - then he isn't into it. If he thinks that this is me playing games, then so be it. Maybe I am but really all I'm trying to do is protect myself.
Phateless Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 No you have the right idea. I'm glad you've settled a little. If no clothes have come off yet he can't possibly think you're playing games. I think you're doing just fine Kamille, keep us posted.
squeak Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 If a guy was pressuring me or suggesting I go to his home, I would not trust him, and definitely not want to date him anymore. Pressure by the 3rd date?! That's crazy, I probably know my grocer (who I really don't know so that is a sarcastic joke) more than anyone could know another at that point. Any respectable guy is not handsy or touchy or pushy. If he tries to rush me, then I can only assume he does that with all the other girls! I don't want some easy guy that any girl can get with. How could I value him? How could I trust him? Why should I? It makes me think of all the other girls he must have been with, and that sickens me. So you see boys-girls are judging you too.
JCD Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Kamille, you did the right thing. If a guy loves you he will wait until you are ready. Hopefully by that time you two will be in love and then love making is going to be that much sweeter. That's how it's suppose to happen and not have sex after third date and then finding out he isn't a relationship material and you ending up hurt. I don't have any respect for girls that rush sex and hop from guy to guy. Woman like that has nothing but sex going for her and that is not exciting. What will happen once sex fades away? What will hold up the relationship? Nothing then divorce or cheating.
oppath Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 If you are hopeful for a relationship, it doesn't matter when you have sex, as long as you've received signals that he wants more than just sex. For any individual woman, the threshold for those signals will differ, but once you have those signals, waiting for sex isn't going to increase the odds of a relationship. It's pretty easy to say "he just wanted sex" when a relationship doesn't work out, when in reality any number of reasons are likely a better reason. What matters as a woman is not investing emotionally until you truly feel the guy desires YOU for who YOU ARE. For me, sex anywhere from date 3-10 feels right if I truly like a girl. When I truly like a girl, I just know. At the same time, I may go out with a girl 1-2 times more while I'm figuring things out, if there is a possibility of sex. Most guys, when they get in the moment, feel they are SUPPOSED TO MAKE A MOVE (and we do feel that pressure), and usually their attitude goes from "I don't know" to "what the hell, why not." I for one have been burned many times myself by a girl having sex but not wanting anything to develop. All you can do is solicit to see if he is open for more. If he truly is, when you have sex doesn't really matter as far as the relationship working out. It might matter for your own emotional investment though.
melodymatters Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Hello Kamille, I seem to be late to this party but of course you are handling yourself brilliantly. From what I know, you are an educated grown woman, who is seeking the same in a partner. A guy who seems to be placing so much early emphasis on the physical ( who is over 25) raises some flags for me. Good luck sweetie...
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