PollyIvy Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Does anyone have any suggestions for what I can do to get my kids to stop cussing? I washed the 1st and 2nd ones' mouths out with soap (4 and 3 times respectively) and they both stopped. But the little one who is 5 will NOT stop swearing. He swears at his big brothers, who of course have started swearing back at him. We have washed his mouth out with soap so many times that now he just says he prefers the lemon soap to the lavender one - I am serious! The rascal. So we stopped doing that. We tried ignoring it. I tried just calmly saying 'well that's not a nice thing to say' to try to discourage him (he likes a reaction). We tried getting really angry... sigh... Now he gets a timeout automatically. The swear word I am talking about here is the f-word. It has been 6 months... I can handle the older two, but the little one... Any advice on how to get him to stop?
Trialbyfire Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Remove his privileges. If he enjoys watching TV, he's banned for a day, with graduating lengths of time, if he won't listen. I see banning kids from watching TV a win/win situation, anyways.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Does anyone have any suggestions for what I can do to get my kids to stop cussing? I washed the 1st and 2nd ones' mouths out with soap (4 and 3 times respectively) and they both stopped. But the little one who is 5 will NOT stop swearing. He swears at his big brothers, who of course have started swearing back at him. We have washed his mouth out with soap so many times that now he just says he prefers the lemon soap to the lavender one - I am serious! The rascal. So we stopped doing that. We tried ignoring it. I tried just calmly saying 'well that's not a nice thing to say' to try to discourage him (he likes a reaction). We tried getting really angry... sigh... Now he gets a timeout automatically. The swear word I am talking about here is the f-word. It has been 6 months... I can handle the older two, but the little one... Any advice on how to get him to stop? Yes watch that supernanny show!! You need some form of punishment that means something. My Dad used to spank the crap out of me. I almost never curse... even to this day.
redfathom Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 I think that even though he told you his preference on which soap tastes better you should not have stopped (he is testing you and he won that round). I would go back to the soap (my sister uses hot sauce) and also take away privledges. Also, try talking to the older kids about how you are trying to get the younger to stop and you need there help. Also, maybe this is picky, but do you really say, "Well" in the that's not a nice thing to say sentance? I think you should take that out and difinitively tell him not to say it. Good luck!
Author PollyIvy Posted October 9, 2007 Author Posted October 9, 2007 I'm just so mad at my brother-in-law, who is always around the house and a great uncle, always rough-housing with the boys, but he is like a big kid himself and cusses a blue streak. He thinks it's funny, but my sons look up to him and copy him.
JamesM Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 I'm just so mad at my brother-in-law, who is always around the house and a great uncle, always rough-housing with the boys, but he is like a big kid himself and cusses a blue streak. He thinks it's funny, but my sons look up to him and copy him. Ahh, that answers my question. Someone is cussing. When my third child said things inappropriately, we used some vinegar. All I have to do is bring out the bottle and stick it on the kitchen counter. One time he tried to hide it, but I told him I can always buy more. As for soap, I don't think this is the wisest choice. My wife (a nurse) says that there are too many chemicals in soap that can be dangerous to children. Vinegar is at least edible...although not tasty. But if I was you, I would start with the BIL. He MUST be told that while he is playing with the boys or in your house, he must restrain from profanity. And if he slips up, he should voluntarily "punish" himself.
Author PollyIvy Posted October 10, 2007 Author Posted October 10, 2007 You're right, I have got to get my brother-in-law to take me seriously. My husband's family doesn't care, but MY mother and brothers are pretty 'unimpressed' with my son's bad language. Plus i know other parents don't like their children to play with a kid who is going to teach their kids bad words. The vinegar sounds like a very good idea and much better than soap. Plus he can swallow it, isn't vinegar supposed to be good for you? YUCK. I am going to talk to my husband and see if he can't have a word with his bro about the potty mouth. I know they just think I'm acting like Mrs. Cleaver though.
Moose Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 I'd just beat the snot out of them..... It makes a bad impression, is unpleasant to be around, endangers relationships, reduces respect, demonstrates loss of emotional control, signals a bad attitude and is a tool of whiners and complainers, discloses lack of character, is immature, reflects ignorance, and sets a bad example. It's also damaging to their language skills, it becomes abrasive and they begin to use lazy word structure(s), communication becomes unclear lacking meaning, lacking imagination, will lose effectiveness, and "represents the dumbing down of America." In society they'll experience declining civility, it offends people, makes others uncomfortable, is disrespectful, starts arguments, is a sign of hostility, and can lead to violence..... Just beat the crap out of them now and save them all of this strive!
KenzieAbsolutely Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 I'd just beat the snot out of them..... It makes a bad impression, is unpleasant to be around, endangers relationships, reduces respect, demonstrates loss of emotional control, signals a bad attitude and is a tool of whiners and complainers, discloses lack of character, is immature, reflects ignorance, and sets a bad example. It's also damaging to their language skills, it becomes abrasive and they begin to use lazy word structure(s), communication becomes unclear lacking meaning, lacking imagination, will lose effectiveness, and "represents the dumbing down of America." In society they'll experience declining civility, it offends people, makes others uncomfortable, is disrespectful, starts arguments, is a sign of hostility, and can lead to violence..... Just beat the crap out of them now and save them all of this strive! so stop the kid from cursing by beating him. wtf? he's obviously impressionable, so maybe he will stop cursing and just start beating people. then what? do you kill the kid?!
WaterTiger Posted October 18, 2007 Posted October 18, 2007 By making a HUGE deal out of it, he knows he's pushing your buttons.He's using it to get attention! Ignore it! Stop reacting to the cursing! The only reaction you should give him is: "Can you use your polite words?" He'll escalate and be cursing a blue streak at first, but if you IGNORE HIM when he curses, and smile warmly when he doesn't, he'll figure out that cursing doesn't work with you anymore...and he'll quit.
JamesM Posted October 18, 2007 Posted October 18, 2007 By making a HUGE deal out of it, he knows he's pushing your buttons.He's using it to get attention! Ignore it! Stop reacting to the cursing! The only reaction you should give him is: "Can you use your polite words?" He'll escalate and be cursing a blue streak at first, but if you IGNORE HIM when he curses, and smile warmly when he doesn't, he'll figure out that cursing doesn't work with you anymore...and he'll quit. Has this worked for you?
Moose Posted October 18, 2007 Posted October 18, 2007 Has this worked for you?That's a good question. Personally, I hardly doubt it did....so stop the kid from cursing by beating him. wtf?Your, "wtf" remark just reinforces the points I made earlier. When I say, "beat the crap out of them".....I don't literally mean it for crying out loud...... If the kid is cussing, trying to act like his ADULT uncle the kid best be ready to be smacked in the mouth, (like an adult), for cussing....he's obviously impressionable, so maybe he will stop cursing and just start beating people. then what? do you kill the kid?!I don't mean any disrespect to the OP, but this kid's impressionability could be a direct result of improper parental skills. The kid has been through a divorce, the parents are bitter towards each other, and the mother had health problems during her first marriage. How much proper attention do you think this child had during this life? Now he's in an enviroment where cussing and who knows what else are the norm..... Nip it in the bud I say! Go commando an his butt and shape the boy into a polite young man now.....or you will have a punk that beats people for the fun of it......
EnigmasMuse Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 You need to talk to the uncle and to your child. The uncle needs to know waht is acceptable to you and what is not. Its your chid, not his. If he wants to cuss on his own time when he is not around, thats fine but let him him know up front you would rather him not say those things. If after you have told him, he still does it, then perhaps he doesn't need to come over for awhile. Yes, he is a grown man but if he is going to act like a child and not respect your wishes on the cussing matter, then treat him the way he is treating you and your child, tell him when he can learn to stop cussing infront of your kid he can come back over. It also needs to be addressed with your child, and let them know that their cussing is not acceptable, and that even though the uncle does it, doesn't make it right.
RecordProducer Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 Does anyone have any suggestions for what I can do to get my kids to stop cussing? I don't, but if you find a solution pass it on. We have washed his mouth out with soap so many times that now he just says he prefers the lemon soap to the lavender one - I am serious! :lmao: I've tried lots of things and none of them has worked except one: when I am happy and relaxed, I talk to them, spend time with them and treat them as adults. They calm down and become much better. But then hubby and I start arguing and they get into the mood and start being disrespectful and rude (cursing is not my biggest concern). They will stop eventually. Be patient. What matters is to instill in them that being rude is wrong, that cursing is low-class, and that you disapprove of such behavior. On the other hand, teach them how you expect them to behave - don't just tell them what to STOP doing. Children love to please their parents. When you repeatedly tell them what you want from them, they will strive to live up to your expectations and get a praise. Don't forget to mention how good boys they were today. For a while, I used to give them grades for their behavior. You'd be surprised how important it is to kids to get an A. They woould actually begotiate the grade and it was only an oral assessment (no rewards whatsoever). Kids would do anything for a kiss or praise. Wouldn't you? Finally, there's a painful method which I tried only twice and it worked. I told them that they they are huge disappointment when they act like that, that I was ashamed of them, that instead of enjoying my time with them, I can't wait for them to go to sleep, that they were ruining my health and made me unhappy. This is a very bad method, but it removed a great deal of the horrible behavior. They were becoming unbearable. They would constanlty yell, curse, insult each other and us, talk back - they were real hooligans. I only resorted to this traumatic method, because I realized that they were heading toward troubles; that if I let it go on, in a few years they'd be hanging out with the local gang doing drugs, skipping school, and eventually end up dead or in jail. Seeing them like that just scared the sh*t out of me. Theys till get their tantrums and rude moods every day, but I am working on it, mostly just by being their friend, kissing them, hugging them, playing with them, telling them how wonderful they are and how much I love them. It helps. Most of all, you should give good example. Be relaxed, calm, cheerful, don't raise your voice, and don't lose patience. Kids want strong parents. Only then they feel safe and protected. They need to know that you're stronger and smarter than they so they can rely on you and look up to you. When you don't follow your own rules, they feel disturbed and use your weakness against you. You might not curse in front of them, but you might have a general negative disposition or unstable moods. Children feel when their parents are stressed and they react to it, which then raises the stress and it becomes a vicious cycle. Spend a lot of time with them. Read to them, show interest in their games. Children are very self-centered creatures so show them that they are the center of your universe. Talk to them a lot. I talk to my kids a lot and that calms them down. Punishing and scorning generally don't help. They widen the gap between the parents and kids and cause a distance, that will stay there forever. You're going to need the closeness when they become teenagers and adults. If you soap their mouths now when they are 5, 7 or 9, you won't be able to do it when they are 15. But they will be able to punish you. And they will punish you with their strongest weapon - your love for them. They wil break your heart by doing all the things that you told them NOT to do. Try to cause them to naturally grow out of the bad behavior. Teach them to value manners, sweetness, selflessness, books, art, and all the things YOU value in life. We raise our kids with examples.
Desperate HH Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 If you start young enough, just have a "bathroom words" policy. If a kid (or adult, for that matter) uses a "bathroom word", it must mean they have to go. So send, or escort them to the bathroom, sit them on the potty... You don't have to lecture, or get angry, or punish. Just do it every time, and they get the message. Bet your BIL will stop pretty quick, too. (On a related note, last night, in a conversation on kids getting in trouble at school, 11 YO daughter asked what the F-word means. The discussion didn't go where she expected, LOL) DHH
sderenzi Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 Does anyone have any suggestions for what I can do to get my kids to stop cussing? I washed the 1st and 2nd ones' mouths out with soap (4 and 3 times respectively) and they both stopped. But the little one who is 5 will NOT stop swearing. He swears at his big brothers, who of course have started swearing back at him. We have washed his mouth out with soap so many times that now he just says he prefers the lemon soap to the lavender one - I am serious! The rascal. So we stopped doing that. We tried ignoring it. I tried just calmly saying 'well that's not a nice thing to say' to try to discourage him (he likes a reaction). We tried getting really angry... sigh... Now he gets a timeout automatically. The swear word I am talking about here is the f-word. It has been 6 months... I can handle the older two, but the little one... Any advice on how to get him to stop? I suggest you stop making such a big deal out of it. You see people will do things they're told not to do, this includes swearing. The more you punish them for it the more they'll unconsiously try to rebell and do it more. You must understand techincally swearing is just using words and harms no one, however you have taken it a step further and begun using soap to wash out their mouths, this will only breed resentment for you later in life, they may end up hating you for it. Did you ever hear that one family accidently killed their child by using soap to wash the kids mouth out? They were senteneced to some jail time because of it and it was a big thing. Take care in methods of punishing kids. Also why use such a thing? Better to explain it will make their teachers angry, etc in a very calm and logical manner. Explain they will eventually get yelled at in school not because you approve but because others may not. What else, hummmm you should consider torretts syndrome, this is constant swearing and it cannot be controlled, now if that's true then swearing has nothing to do with someones will or desires, it's a natural product of their genetic makeup, that means you're punishing your kids for basically have bad genes, or ones you percieve to be bad. I'm sure the torretts syndrome victims also wish they could stop swearing however it's beyond their ability just like your kids. Oh well good luck :S
PLAYBRAT Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 Gotta say I agree with Moose on this one. Agood old fashioned ass whoopin never hurt ANYONE. I had a few in my younger years and believe me...thats ALL it took. I am no worse off for it. Your kid is TESTING you... Don't you know kids are like puppies in training?/They have to know who the "alpha" is in the family...........you getting on their "level'....is giving them power.... you have to put them in line and let them know who is boss. This does NOT mean 'beating " them..but yes....sometimes SPANKING them is imperative in order for them to KNOW you mean business. Wasing their mouth out is obviously NOT working......if he is telling you which FLAVOR to use!!!!!!!!!! I don't understand WHY so many parents are afraid to spank their kids ass!!!!!!
Trialbyfire Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 I don't agree with physical punishment of any kind. What I believe in is positive reinforcement, as mentioned by RecordProducer. Children will always respond to praise about their accomplishments. In this situation, your child should be commended for using proper English, when he does so. Having said that, children also need to be told what's not acceptable and privileges removed, when exceeding their boundaries. Don't become a jellyfish parent. Have a spine. When putting both of these techniques together, as an adult, what do you think you would do, if the same tactics were used on you? Imagine yourself at work. For work well done, you receive compensation and for screw-ups you lose your employer paid parking space.
PLAYBRAT Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 Yeah..I agree......AFTER you spank their ass..THEN they decide the prefer the alternative. AGain ..parents are afraid to SPANK their children......BECAUSE THEY ARE AFRAID what other people will think or SAY..... See how effective 'time out" is when your kid is 15 or 16......it's NOT so pretty then....
Trialbyfire Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 Try spanking a 15 or 16 year old boy who's over 6' tall.
PLAYBRAT Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 TBY..No offense.....but "time out " or "privelege discipline" would have NEVER worked with me. Again ..I am NOT saying parents should "beat" their kids...........but SPANKING your children YES. From an EARLY age. Kids that FEAR their parents say "yes sir and yes ma'am" THAT is NOT because they were sent to the corner for time out. I work in retail and see SOOOOO many parents trying to "bargain" with their kids to be "good"..or listen. I have to say..I am OLD school when it comes to disciplining kids..........others may disagree......but that is my stance.
sderenzi Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 I understand your words really I do, the problem is that social life in teenage years is much different today then when you grew up. Now kids get their asses kicked in class and are hurt everyday by someone that is one of their peers. When they come home they expect safety and calming environments, not more of the same. All your methods could do is alienate your children and make them more miserable.
PLAYBRAT Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 Trial....point is..if you spank their ass when they are 4, 5, 6 ......you won't HAVE to worry..they will have LEARNED!!!
KenzieAbsolutely Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 Your, "wtf" remark just reinforces the points I made earlier. hardly. first of all, i'm an adult, on an adult forum, not a child. second, i didn't even use any improper words. that's the equivalent of 'shoot' or 'heck'. and for the record, my parents never swore at me or in front of me, nor did they beat/spank/flog me to make sure i never started. i still never even say the word 'fart' in front of my mother. they're wonderful parents, they weren't very strict, but they knew what they didn't want to hear coming from their kids' mouths, and as adults, we still don't speak that way in front of them, or in front of any people who matter. sure, i could have said 'that's preposterous' or 'how evil of you'. i personally felt, in the instance of abuse-like actions toward children, that a 'wtf' was in order.
sally4sara Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 You need to talk to the uncle and to your child. The uncle needs to know waht is acceptable to you and what is not. Its your chid, not his. If he wants to cuss on his own time when he is not around, thats fine but let him him know up front you would rather him not say those things. If after you have told him, he still does it, then perhaps he doesn't need to come over for awhile. Yes, he is a grown man but if he is going to act like a child and not respect your wishes on the cussing matter, then treat him the way he is treating you and your child, tell him when he can learn to stop cussing infront of your kid he can come back over. It also needs to be addressed with your child, and let them know that their cussing is not acceptable, and that even though the uncle does it, doesn't make it right. I don't believe the uncle cursing would have near as big an impression if cursing wasn't already such a big deal in your house. Someone mentioned ignoring the kid's behavior; taking away the attention he is seeking. I find this problem really funny because in relaxed conversation around my house, cursing is very common. I don't have a problem with the idea of my 10 year old using light curse words (hell, damn, the occasional s$&t) around the house but he doesn't and won't. I guess it is his way of rebelling.
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