annieo Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 You gave me some advice (friend's confession), so now my turn. Assuming that you are being entirely truthful, about your situation and your feelings, get out from under this guy's thumb. He's married, in all likelihood he won't leave (and it doesn't sound like you would really want this responsibility. You care for him, not love him to the end of time, and you aren't sure if this relationship has the legs to take it into the future) and he's starting to behave in a manipulative, whiny, needy fashion. Are you his chattel? Does he have any right to make demands on you ? NOOO! So take your fine self outta there and either have some alone time or find someone else. If I were you , right about now I'd be getting the creeps.
OpenBook Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 He hasn't realized, this OW didn't sign any agreement to be his OW for as long as he wants her to. Havn's right. You owe him Nothing. Nada. Zero. Zip.
Tomcat33 Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 he called me twice, my blood froze. i can't make myself answer. i just NOW got a text message with a frowny face. a frowny face? why did this face make me so mad????? i'm seething looking at this thing. i'm starting to really get angry, and yet nothing is really happening to make me angry. i just keep getting angrier. maybe it's not anger. maybe it uneasy or something, but i don't feel right. i'm strating to feel like he's a total joke, and yet part of me is going no, no he's not. then someone says something on this board to me like callsemasiseem and it only makes me want defend him more. then i think of the frowny. I think what Open Book said was great, you don't need to decide anything now but do detach yourself from him and don't let him know how you are feeling or what you are thinking. He knows what triggered this you don't owe him any more explanation. Keep in the dark and let him find his own answers on how he is going to approach you next. And beleive me once the reality sets in that he could be losing you he will pull out all the stops. This could be a good time for him to realise what you really mean to him. was it just a conveneint union or is willing to give it some serious thought. By guiding him through it and being there letting him know how you feel he won't be promted to give it any real thought. So I say do as the rest said, keep in on ignore and let him do as many back flips as he wants, sooner or later you'll be willing to guage how far he is willing to go to get what he wants, the question is what does he want? We know what you want, and that is exactly what you are doing, getting to the bottom of things. Better sooner than later Me, it's hard but not impossible.
tillyburton Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Ok my MM and I have had this conversation a few times. He and I have been together five years. Recently I decided to move closer at his request to where he lives. We live in seperate countries at the moment, so my moving closer just means Im moving to the same country not the same city or neighborhood for the moment. But In the course of our discussion He said something to the effect Once you get here you probably won't even be single for longe guys will be all over you. I laughed and agreed and said Yes they probably will be and then You will have to be just my guy on the side. HE told me he didn't find it as funny as I did. I told him that was too bad because i thought It was a great turn of events. He said so you would just put me to the side just like that. I said ahh you bet you ass I would. That was 3 months ago- we're still fine. No ones broken up or gone AWOL or anything... I would say he has sucked it up-- but i guess he's stepped it up. I think he's put in a lot more time and effort than he has in the past. He's done a very good job with helping orgastrate my international move and manage his life. So you may be avoiding your MM unnecesarily. They can get nervous too about things - nothing wrong with that. Just like in a normal relationship -- like you keep pointing out, its change and yep they are selfish- and all that but at the same time it might just take him some time to get use to the idea that he too might have to share your time with someone else. And you have to get use to the idea of being the person who is in control and says this is how its going to be.
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