jophil28 Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 Make the girl earn your affections first by her showing you she has value to you. That takes time. It means that YOU audition HER to assess her character and her suitability to be with you in an LTR . You, therefor, need to be clear about your own values and principles and ONLY then can you decide whether she is going to meet your standards. She is showing high interest levels in you. THis is GOOD. But, you need to take 'time' to evaluate her - how ? by observing her BEHAVIOR and testing her character qualities. As OPPath said -"That takes time " (and skill on your part to interpret the significance of some of her bewildering behaviors). Do not sign up until you are willing to hand her the winning ticket.
monkey00 Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 You reminded me of someone I knew, well that was me 3 years ago. All the signs were there in front of me, but I chose to deny it and hoped things would work out the way I wanted it to. But it was unrealistic like your case because girls, like the one I dated who have been stuck in a 3-4 year LTR with their bf in their late teens - which eventually in their early 20's are often out and about looking to date around, so they're not looking to get tied down the fact of the matter is. But it was a good thing that she was honest about her situation. Not everyone has the decency to update you on what page they're on regarding the dating scene/exclusivity. I think you should just save pain and walk away from this now before you get too attached. There are just certain things in life that people in their teens and 20's need to get out of their system before they're willing to 'settle down'.
jcster Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 NO NO NO ! - this mindset puts you firmly in HER future control. Dear God man! Have you any idea what you have done? A world with HER in control...dear God...what have we wrought?
Author xfess Posted October 17, 2007 Author Posted October 17, 2007 It means that YOU audition HER to assess her character and her suitability to be with you in an LTR . You, therefor, need to be clear about your own values and principles and ONLY then can you decide whether she is going to meet your standards. She is showing high interest levels in you. THis is GOOD. But, you need to take 'time' to evaluate her - how ? by observing her BEHAVIOR and testing her character qualities. As OPPath said -"That takes time " (and skill on your part to interpret the significance of some of her bewildering behaviors). Do not sign up until you are willing to hand her the winning ticket. Sounds like a plan. Ive done a little observation but it still a little hard to figure her out. She still shows interest as pretty much the moment I sign on to AIM she'll IM me and talk for a while about each others days. Last week I invited her and her friends to come out to a bar with my friends for my B-day, earlier that day she asked when I'll be at the bar and I told her. That night she didnt show up. I talked to her online the next day and she claimed "she tried to text me to have me call her once i got to the bar" as her and her friends were waiting for my response (I think its BS but I didnt feel guilty at all). The following day she says to me out of the blue "Im sorry im so stupid" I asked her why? and she tells me "You're such a great guy...I dont know why I said that I guess Im just feeling a little down". All I can say was I dont know what she's going through (because I've never had a LTR), but I can understand & that I enjoy talking and hanging out with her" -- something to cheer her up... and she thanked me And here's a better one. this weekend she and her friends are going to Philiadelphia to visit some haunted place. I said "thats cool, hope u enjoy it". next she said that her friends are saying that they "might go" now meaning probably 25% chance but she still wants to go.... then she asked me what I was doing that weekend. I said "I have to work Saturday and Im going to the bar at night...why?" she then says "If you want, you can come with me and my friends". I didnt jump on right then 'cause I dont know for sure what time I have to work saturday. She also mentioned that its an overnight thing- but I didnt ask her any details until I know if she's still going to go. for about a week since our conversation and her throwing the "Friend Card" ive played the card as well, we just talk online and treat her like I do with one of my best friends who is female as well. --- on a side note: currently I am chatting online with another girl who seems to show interest in me. Hopefully within a week or so, I'll take her out on a date and it will keep my mind off the other girl.
smalltownsingle Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 Wow, Im going through something similar but with a guy... He just got over a LTR too, was acting very affectionate with me the first 2 weeks and all of a sudden it seems like he's stepping back. He sends some mixed signals like ... He won`t admit that he is not ready for a relationship, says Im such a good girl, I make him feel special, etc... but secretly still dates around. I decided to date around too. Whether he likes it or not, I won't wait around like an idiot for him to be ready. If he really likes me he will find a way to keep me. Just wanted to say its nice to see these things happen to both sexes.
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