tanbark813 Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 So during a visit after my parents got divorced, my mom gave me her engagement ring and wedding band (they're fused together). The engagement ring is fairly nice with a decent-sized diamond in the middle of 4 smaller diamonds--2 on either side. The setting is platinum if I remember correctly. Anyway, my question is: Would it be weird if I gave this ring to a potential fiancee? Either as is, or with the diamonds put in a new setting? Would it seem more valuable because it was handed down? Or would it seem tacky and cheap? Of course, I would need a gf before this even became relevant. This is all just purely out of curiosity.
reboot Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Anyway, my question is: Would it be weird if I gave this ring to a potential fiancee? Either as is, or with the diamonds put in a new setting? Would it seem more valuable because it was handed down? Or would it seem tacky and cheap? No, it would not be weird at all IMHO. BUT, you might want to ask the girl in question. Some women might find it weird, some might not.
underpants Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 I would suggest having the stone reset in a new ring. My sister's husband did a cool thing. He had the stone from his mother's and grandmother's ring set with a center stone that he purchased. That is some serious bling she has. Just hold onto the ring and when you meet that girl. You could get an idea of her preferred settings/cut and go from their.
IpAncA Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Careful with that idea. If you gave it to her and something happend between you two, it might not come back to you or worse come back altered. Not always the case but I'm sure if I can think of it, it's happend. And no I don't think it's werid.
Kasan Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 It's not tacky or cheap to give the ring or put the stones into another setting and give to a future fiancee. It would creep me out though, as I believe in imprints and there would be a lot of bad emotion associated with that ring due to a divorce.
Trialbyfire Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 I think it would be a wonderful gesture of commitment. To entrust someone with something that's so important to you, is truly a way to offer your life and heart to someone special. One thing though. I would get the rings separated first.
Author tanbark813 Posted October 8, 2007 Author Posted October 8, 2007 Cool, thanks for the replies. It would creep me out though, as I believe in imprints and there would be a lot of bad emotion associated with that ring due to a divorce. Hmmm, that's interesting. I wouldn't have thought about that. One thing though. I would get the rings separated first. Yeah, definitely.
Art_Critic Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 I think it really matters how much the ring matters to you Tan.. If you don't consider it a true heirloom then neither would your bride to be and that would feel weird then. But if you do consider it a true heirloom then I'm sure whoever you gave it too would see it as such and just not you being cheap. The other side is that your parents were divorced so the symbol of commitment and love and their bond that the ring stood for no longer exists.. Bad JuJu I think setting the stone in another setting would be the best thing to do. but then again.. if your bride to be would feel funny with the past history then it would be better to let it go and get another ring entirely and have the stone set into something else for her.
Trialbyfire Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Look to the girl and see what matters to her. If she's the type that values the ring more than the sentiment, she will not be happy. If she's into the sentiment more than the ring, she will be touched. Don't forget that one day, you will hopefully have a daughter or son, who may value it more.
hotgurl Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 I don't think it is weird. My BF and I took my grandmother's diamond and put it into a new custom made setting. It is more special to me because it is a family diamond and a copletly unique ring. I ti s a round cut european ring in a square setting. So it looks like a princess cut but it is not. Anyways by the time you are ready to ask a girl to marry you you will probably have a sense of how she would feel about getting a family ring.
Author tanbark813 Posted October 8, 2007 Author Posted October 8, 2007 The other side is that your parents were divorced so the symbol of commitment and love and their bond that the ring stood for no longer exists.. Bad JuJu In one sense, yes. But they were together for 33 years and as much as they might deny it, ever since I was about 12 or so I suspected they stayed together for me and my brother. So in another sense it still symbolizes the love they had at one time and also symbolizes my beginning, I guess.. if that makes sense.
Art_Critic Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 In one sense, yes. But they were together for 33 years and as much as they might deny it, ever since I was about 12 or so I suspected they stayed together for me and my brother. So in another sense it still symbolizes the love they had at one time and also symbolizes my beginning, I guess.. if that makes sense. Wow 33 years.. that is a lifetime.. It seems the ring means more to you that just it being a possession.. that is what I meant about how you feel about the ring.. The heirloom quality is all about sentiment and future sentiment.. Any girl you would ask to marry you I'm sure would see how much the ring meant to you..
KittenMoon Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 What does your mom think about breaking the ring into its individual pieces? Because you could reset the stones, then sell the remaining metal bits for scrap and put the proceeds towards the new setting. Or, depending on the metal, maybe the metal could be made into a charm or something for your mom? Even if that relationship is over, it could become symbolic of the past, like you said. Consult a metals expert or a jeweler, they could give you more options.
woodsfield Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 personally, i think it would be a cool gesture. i would also alter it somehow to at least make that much more special and personal to the future Mrs. TB. from what you have said, it sounds like it means a lot to you. when you find someone to share that with you, i think she will be flattered. my W wears her mothers band from her first marriage (my W's father died when she was young). my brother has given my grandmother's ring to his current girlfriend through our cousin (long story..won't bore you with it). but i don't think there was any "cheapness" on either side because they are special. if someone truely loves you, i doubt seriously that they would find it to be cheap, unless you have already given off that impression;)
Author tanbark813 Posted October 8, 2007 Author Posted October 8, 2007 What does your mom think about breaking the ring into its individual pieces? She's fine with it. She suggested that, actually, along with suggesting the possibility of having the diamonds reset. Or, depending on the metal, maybe the metal could be made into a charm or something for your mom? Ooo, that's a good idea.
Art_Critic Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 So Tan.. Who is the lucky girl? is it someone we know?
Author tanbark813 Posted October 8, 2007 Author Posted October 8, 2007 if someone truely loves you, i doubt seriously that they would find it to be cheap, unless you have already given off that impression;) Note to self: Pop for dinners with future gf.
Author tanbark813 Posted October 8, 2007 Author Posted October 8, 2007 So Tan.. Who is the lucky girl? is it someone we know? No new girl. This is all speculation.
woodsfield Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 No new girl. This is all speculation. surrrrre.....we can see it in your eyes. halloween costume my ass! those are the eyes of a man possessed with love.
Art_Critic Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 No new girl. This is all speculation. I knew that.. I was just trying to start a rumor..
underpants Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 surrrrre.....we can see it in your eyes. halloween costume my ass! those are the eyes of a man possessed with love. :lmao: Too funny. Tan, I also like Kitten's idea. An elegant pendant or locket (maybe inscribed) incorporating the metal from the bands would make a lovely 'mother of the groom' gift. If you build the ring....she will come....
Trialbyfire Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 No, no, don't melt down the ring. It would be sad to see something of sentimental value destroyed unless it has no value to you. I have one pendant that my nephews picked out for me by themselves, paid for it with their own allowance money and gave to me for a Christmas present, two years ago. It's one of the cheapest pieces I own, not even close to my taste in jewelry and yet, is one of my most prized possessions. I wear it all the time for sentimental reasons.
Starry-eyed Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 I think it really matters how much the ring matters to you Tan.. If you don't consider it a true heirloom then neither would your bride to be and that would feel weird then. But if you do consider it a true heirloom then I'm sure whoever you gave it too would see it as such and just not you being cheap. TB, I agree with AC on this. How much these rings mean to you will affect how much they means to her. If you give them (the two rings) to her just because you already have them and don't have to spend money, she might feel a little cheated or resentful. Of course, maybe not, that could just be a sign of my own shallowness. My ex-H gave me his grandmother's engagement ring and band. They were beautiful and of more dollar value than we could have afforded if we'd bought new rights. But I kinda feel that he gave them to me because he had them. They did have sentimental and family value to him, but also it saved him from having to buy anything, and a part of me always kind of missed out on picking out my own ring or having any say in how it looked. BTW, once you give an engagement and wedding ring to a woman and get married, they become her property and in most cases, she is legally entitled to them in the event of divorce (not that that would happen, but just FYI).
Author tanbark813 Posted October 9, 2007 Author Posted October 9, 2007 TB, I agree with AC on this. How much these rings mean to you will affect how much they means to her. If you give them (the two rings) to her just because you already have them and don't have to spend money, she might feel a little cheated or resentful. Of course, maybe not, that could just be a sign of my own shallowness. My ex-H gave me his grandmother's engagement ring and band. They were beautiful and of more dollar value than we could have afforded if we'd bought new rights. But I kinda feel that he gave them to me because he had them. They did have sentimental and family value to him, but also it saved him from having to buy anything, and a part of me always kind of missed out on picking out my own ring or having any say in how it looked. BTW, once you give an engagement and wedding ring to a woman and get married, they become her property and in most cases, she is legally entitled to them in the event of divorce (not that that would happen, but just FYI). Ok, thanks. I don't think I'd give her the wedding band, though, just the engagement ring--or the diamonds from it reset. We'd probably pick out our own bands. And yeah, that's a good point about the transfer of ownership.
Ariadne Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Ok, my parents got divorced, my mom gave me her engagement ring and wedding band I'm not sure about the divorced part. It if was your grandma that passed away, had a long happy marriage, and you inherited it is another story. I'd imagine I'm going to get divorced too. Or something like that. Like that ring is loaded with bad luck. A symbol of a previous compromise that got broken. I'd prefer that in a box, and use some less expensive ring if you can't afford something fancy. Ariadne
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