re Addict Husband?

[julkat]

Hi again,

 

As I mentioned a few days ago, I'm newly separated (4 weeks now) because my husband is a drug addict and alcoholic, although a surprisingly functional person. He is currently living in a trailer in a parking lot about 2 hours away where he works-not fun.

 

Anyway, I invited him to our home for Thanksgiving dinner yesterday. He showed up about an hour before dinner, and looked terrible. He was pleasant, mingled appropriately with his family - about 20 members for dinner - and was good with our teenaged daughters. Most of his family either lives, or has a vacation home, on our road.

 

I asked him if he wanted to take some ham with him, since I know he loves it. He asked my daughter to put it in the fridge since he wasn't returning to his place until today. The kids went out, and he came back in and sat down in a chair in the living room, and promptly fell into this loud, snoring, muttering sleep. I woke him up and asked him what he was doing, and told him that he couldn't sleep in the chair. He got angry and said he was leaving and stormed out.

 

He started his truck, but then didn't leave. About 10 minutes later he came in and told me we had better settle things, but then left again. Still, the truck on the lawn. So I went out to talk with him but he started hollering at me, so I went back inside. Still the truck on the lawn. Anyway, he never left and instead slept in his truck all night. I had to leave to come to work this morning.

 

I hate it that the kids will see him sleeping in his truck. I hate it that he's at our house.

 

Questions:

1) Should I not have invited him to his family's Thanksgiving dinner at our house?

2) Should I let him stay during our separation while we sort out the money, living arrangements, etc.?

3) How come I feel so bad about his life being so chaotic when I didn't make this happen to begin with?

 

I was doing so well without him, and I know we have to sort out the details, but seeing him is so hard and knowing he is in pain is so hard too.

 

Thanks,

D

[Gunny376]

You still love the "Smuck"

 

Your brain can't tell your heart what to do!

 

Either accept him for who and what he is?

 

Or let him go!

 

The problem isn't him!

 

Its you!

 

Either accept him for who and what he is? Or let him go!

 

The problem is reconciling your mind with your heart!

 

He's not going to change! What has to change? Is yourself! The problem is not the finger your pointing at him? But the three you've got pointing back at yourself!

 

He's not the answers to your questions! He's not the solutions to your problems!

 

YOU are!

[joekurtz]

Hi again,

 

As I mentioned a few days ago, I'm newly separated (4 weeks now) because my husband is a drug addict and alcoholic, although a surprisingly functional person. He is currently living in a trailer in a parking lot about 2 hours away where he works-not fun.

 

Anyway, I invited him to our home for Thanksgiving dinner yesterday. He showed up about an hour before dinner, and looked terrible. He was pleasant, mingled appropriately with his family - about 20 members for dinner - and was good with our teenaged daughters. Most of his family either lives, or has a vacation home, on our road.

 

I asked him if he wanted to take some ham with him, since I know he loves it. He asked my daughter to put it in the fridge since he wasn't returning to his place until today. The kids went out, and he came back in and sat down in a chair in the living room, and promptly fell into this loud, snoring, muttering sleep. I woke him up and asked him what he was doing, and told him that he couldn't sleep in the chair. He got angry and said he was leaving and stormed out.

 

He started his truck, but then didn't leave. About 10 minutes later he came in and told me we had better settle things, but then left again. Still, the truck on the lawn. So I went out to talk with him but he started hollering at me, so I went back inside. Still the truck on the lawn. Anyway, he never left and instead slept in his truck all night. I had to leave to come to work this morning.

 

I hate it that the kids will see him sleeping in his truck. I hate it that he's at our house.

 

Questions:

1) Should I not have invited him to his family's Thanksgiving dinner at our house?

2) Should I let him stay during our separation while we sort out the money, living arrangements, etc.?

3) How come I feel so bad about his life being so chaotic when I didn't make this happen to begin with?

 

I was doing so well without him, and I know we have to sort out the details, but seeing him is so hard and knowing he is in pain is so hard too.

 

Thanks,

D

 

 

Jeez, I don't want to be an ass, but would it have killed you to let him get a little sleep ?

 

I obviously don't know your entire situation, but if he'd behaved himself all day during dinner & visit with your family, I fail to see what the hurry was to wake him & get him out of the house. I could understand it if he was being disruptive, but clearly he wasn't. At least not until you woke him & showed him the door.

 

Did you stop to think how humiliating that must have been for him to be pretty much kicked out by his wife in front of his children? I'd have been upset & probably angry to. After all, you did invite him. It's not as if he just showed up unannounced.

 

Again, I don't mean to beat you up over this as I realize how difficult a situation it can be to have to go through, but I think you should have just let the guy sleep. If the two of you haven't had sex in years then I highly doubt if he'd have chosen last night to suddenly try to hit the sheets with you. You know?

 

In the future, if his being back in your home really makes you THAT uncomfortable where you can't stand him being there, then I'd refrain from extending any more invites until you're in a better place mentally & emotionally to deal with it.

 

Peace.