katie82 Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 so my bf and i have been together for 1 year now. we are in our mid 20s and very serious. everything is great between us, he treats me really well and we have lots of fun together my ONE issue is, my bf is so shy sometimes. he doesnt have that many friends and doesnt go out all that often. i have a very large social circle, and he often hangs out with us which is fine. whereas i have many friends, he has a handful of close friends. he lives with his best friend and hangs out with him alot, and only sees his other friends maybe once every couple weeks. other than that, he spends time alone or with me. its not that he's socially inept, but he just likes being alone and doesnt really like going out to bars. in addition, alot of his close friends dont live in the same city any more and he hasnt really made any new friends since theyve left. i feel really bad about saying this, but sometimes i feel self conscious that he and i have such different social lives when we're apart. i worry that my friends think he's a big loser or something. nobody has ever said that about him and all my friends actually really like him. this is my own weird self conscious issue i think about this alot, i dont know why. everything else is great- hes smart, funny, handsome, and extremly kind and warm hearted. this is teh ONE thing about him that sometimes bothers me. i wish i could just get over it. do you think that as we get older and maybe get married/have kids, that it would be less of an issue? i hope you guys dont think im a bad person for feeling this way. i just have issues worrying what others think sometimes and i'd like to get over it! i really love him deeply and cant picture my life without him. i just need someone to give some some perspective and make me realize that this is kind of silly.....
Cobra_X30 Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 i just have issues worrying what others think sometimes and i'd like to get over it! i really love him deeply and cant picture my life without him. i just need someone to give some some perspective and make me realize that this is kind of silly..... Here is your issue. I dont think this is a problem with your boyfriend. How happy are you with yourself? It would seem to me that you require social interaction like this to gain validation from others. This is also why you worry so much about how others percieve you. Typically it shows that you have self esteem issues.
Yosef Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Well, I'm very happy I took time to read this. This situation reminds me EXACTLY of me. I seem to fit the exact description (except i dont live with my best friend) and I now see how someone could view me. I'm a very shy, warm-heated guy who loves to be alone and only has a handful of friends, hates bars, love natures, etc. and the girl I like has quite a big social circle so I often go hanging with her and her friends rather than inviting her to spend time with mine. As for "Feeling like a big loser when alone", it's not always the case. People like me and him find that being alone allows us to recharge. I find that just having a little bit of alone time does a greater job than taking a nap in rejuvinating my spirit. You shouldn't worry about such things. If he does feel like a loser, he'll tell you, and he'll expect you to cheer him up.
Timberlane Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Some men and women do not require a huge circle of friends, nor do they feel left out. Having a very small circle of good friends is what most people end up with when they grow up anyway. If his being a wallflower to your social butterfly is such an issue, then break up with him. You're young and can afford to lose the nomadic loser, if that's how you see him. And since when does what your "friends" think of him matter? My girlfriends and I always fostered a "screw what others think" attitude. Maybe your loyalties need to be adjusted.
Poboy Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 seriously , no one is perfect and we all have issues. if its just one issue and he is ok in other areas , you are a lucky girl. there are people who like to keep the no of special people in their lives limited. you are one of them why bother that much over an issue which is really not important. stop thinking what others think about this , it doesnt matter.
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