Mezzi Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Hi guys, I have broken up with my last boyfriend for basically a year now and sadly I have not gotten back in the game. Of course, this is not surprising as I only go to work and school. I have very few friends so its not like I can go to parties and stuff as there would be no one to hang with. Since breaking up with him ive met three losers who were seriously interested in me. Anyway, what im asking is how do you guys suggest I meet more people given my predicament. Just turned twenty and I feel that life is kind of passing me by. I absolutely have no fun and I kind of have no life. Sometimes I get very depressed about this but what to do? The man I broke up with was my very first boyfriend and I feel like im ready for another relationship but im not really meeting anyone. Hmm what to do?? Thanks in advance for your replies and your help. Bye.
Yosef Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Since breaking up with him ive met three losers who were seriously interested in me. What exactly is a Loser to you? No life? No money? No personality? No looks? Just be patient. There's someone out there for everyone.
GuerreroAzteca Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 my girl dumped me over a month ago. I clearly know that i'm not ready for a relationship, however, I have gone out to clubs with a very good friend and have danced with a bunch of girls. I say go out to a club drink and dance. Odds are you will be approached. You must have one friend that can do this with you. In my case i'm not seeking anything with these girls but at least if they danced with me it gives me a confidence boost on the path to feeling better. School !?!?!?! c'mon now. That is probably the best place to find someone with your same interests. While i'm very bold at the club though, I find it very hard to approach girls at college. Everybody has this certain comfort zone that changes with attitude every single day so its really up to luck and a little bit of confidence. I wish you luck and just be bold, dont hesitate. It has been a year so its about time to just TALK to someone if you are interested! cool?
spookie Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 I was in a situation exactly like yours about a year ago. It was the beginning of my third year at college. My boyfriend broke up with me a month after my best (and only) friend moved to France and all my family moved out of state. I was living by myself in an efficiency and it was scary how isolated and lonely I felt. Anyway, so I made people-meeting a priority, becuase I was going for days without talking to anyone and I thought I was going to go crazy. It was hard for me at first because I was inexperienced, introverted, and had low self-esteem, but I just forced myself to expand my social circle. I contacted everyone I ever knew in the area and arranged times to hang out with them. It wasn't very fun at first, just kind of awkward, and in the beginning I had to make all effort, but pretty soon I was being invited places and making friends with their friends. A year later, I have a healthy network of people I can call up at any time to hang out; my best friend is back from France; and I'm dating someone new. Life is good. As far as guys go... it's easiest to meet them through friends, so, especially if you are as lonely as you say you are, I think your priority needs to be on meeting new people and not necessarily potential bf's. The best bf's are ones you meet unintentionally anyway... and you'll have a healthier relationship further down the road if you are not socially dependent on whoever you are with. So, start networking. If you have no place to start, join an organization or something and see if you like anyone there.
Author Mezzi Posted October 9, 2007 Author Posted October 9, 2007 Well Yosef I really should have said four losers dont know how I could have forgotten one. Two of them were well off but one was uncouth the other was very full of himself. Another guy was an average guy that is always touting his looks or rather lack thereof and tries to act like someone he is not. The final guy was just your 100% loser he had no steady job and was lacking in education. Thanks for the tips guys I joined one club since this semester but at the first meeting last week only four people came out. GuerreroAzteca, I know right you would think I would be able to meet some nice guys at school right? I met my last boyfriend at school and three out of four of the guys I just described I met there. Hopefully, I can meet a suitable guy at school. Spookie, I agree with you meeting people needs to be number one on my list. However, trust me that is kind of hard to do when you have no friends who you can go to parties with. I did join and organization in the summer and was going to meetings and helping out. The people there were very focused on the goals of the organization so it was all about meeting these goals rather than meeting new people. All in all though I agree with all the suggestions and its clear that I not only need a new boyfriend but I also need some more friends. Somehow I dont see that many friends coming my way. To be honest ive only ever had one "close" friend and she migrated in the seventh grade. I am going to try and join some another club/organization in hopes of interacting with more people. Thanks again for all your replies and if you can think of any other suggestion dont hesitate to post them.
uniqueone Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Just be patient. There's someone out there for everyone. Personally I've never understood this line. I don't understand what being patient will do. I mean, being patient isn't going to make people (especially the right people) appear. This line just never made sense to me.
peace_pipe Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Well Yosef I really should have said four losers dont know how I could have forgotten one. Two of them were well off but one was uncouth the other was very full of himself. Another guy was an average guy that is always touting his looks or rather lack thereof and tries to act like someone he is not. The final guy was just your 100% loser he had no steady job and was lacking in education. Maybe you are holding these guys to unreasonable expectations. Could you live up to your own expectations? Some people are simply losers - but to say all 4 of these guys are losers seems a little presumptious. If they were that bad, then why go out with them in the first place? Ego boost? Maybe this is a case of "no one compares" to the ex-boyfriend. Your ex-boyfriend may have been a loser also, but your mind has a way of twisting perceptions of the past so that no one else will compare. Girls seem to fall into this trap often.
peace_pipe Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Personally I've never understood this line. I don't understand what being patient will do. I mean, being patient isn't going to make people (especially the right people) appear. This line just never made sense to me. You are right, being patient will not make the right person "magically" fall into your lap. What being patient does do, however, is allow yourself the OPPORTUNITY to find what it is that you seek. Think about this scenario - You meet someone whom you are not really into. Now for those that are impatient, they may opt to go ahead with the relationship simply because they don't want to wait for someone better. Then, when someone more fitting does come along, you don't have the OPPORTUNITY to feel it out, because you are in a relationship with a less fitting partner, because you lacked the patience to persevere.
uniqueone Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Well Yosef I really should have said four losers dont know how I could have forgotten one. Two of them were well off but one was uncouth the other was very full of himself. Another guy was an average guy that is always touting his looks or rather lack thereof and tries to act like someone he is not. The final guy was just your 100% loser he had no steady job and was lacking in education. Thanks for the tips guys I joined one club since this semester but at the first meeting last week only four people came out. GuerreroAzteca, I know right you would think I would be able to meet some nice guys at school right? I met my last boyfriend at school and three out of four of the guys I just described I met there. Hopefully, I can meet a suitable guy at school. Spookie, I agree with you meeting people needs to be number one on my list. However, trust me that is kind of hard to do when you have no friends who you can go to parties with. I did join and organization in the summer and was going to meetings and helping out. The people there were very focused on the goals of the organization so it was all about meeting these goals rather than meeting new people. All in all though I agree with all the suggestions and its clear that I not only need a new boyfriend but I also need some more friends. Somehow I dont see that many friends coming my way. To be honest ive only ever had one "close" friend and she migrated in the seventh grade. I am going to try and join some another club/organization in hopes of interacting with more people. Thanks again for all your replies and if you can think of any other suggestion dont hesitate to post them. Sometimes people don't realize that some people don't have anyone. It makes it hard for them to understand that you can't go to a club because you don't have anyone to go with and that you really can't go too many places without feeling awkward because everyone is with someone. People sometimes don't realize that just having ONE person makes all the difference in the world. I understand what you mean when you say you have no one since I've had times like that. I remember a conversation I had awhile back with someone who is married where I was telling her that I had no one there that I could count on. She said "Well we have no one there that we can count on either." I said: "Do you realize that you just said 'WE'?" Some people who THINK that they're alone don't even realize that they aren't totally alone. Have you tried any meetup groups that you can find at meetup.com? Are there any groups/activities you can join in your school? Also, don't overlook making friends with people outside of your age group. Sometimes they might have a son or daughter--or friend-- who is looking for someone to hang out with too and they can hook you up with them.
peace_pipe Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Sometimes people don't realize that some people don't have anyone. It makes it hard for them to understand that you can't go to a club because you don't have anyone to go with and that you really can't go too many places without feeling awkward because everyone is with someone. If you had a little more confidence in yourself, perhaps you could do things on your own. Personally, I love going out to the clubs by myself. I have plenty of friends and they are a lot of fun... On the other hand, when you go out to the club with your friends - think about how often you end up simply getting drunk and talking with no one else but them. You'd be surprised how many more people (guys) will approach you, because it is much easier than approaching a group of women. I have went out MANY times by myself and I always end up meeting some cool people. I have passed up going out with friends on various occasions just because I wanted to go out on my own and meet other people. I met the girl I am currently dating when I was at a club... alone. Don't get me wrong, it is good to have friends and all, but I wanted to show you both sides of the coin. Friends can be a hindrance or a benefit. Use them to your advantage in this situation.
uniqueone Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 If you had a little more confidence in yourself, perhaps you could do things on your own. Oh, I do PLENTY on my own....in fact, MOST things. Personally, I love going out to the clubs by myself. You're a guy. On the other hand, when you go out to the club with your friends - think about how often you end up simply getting drunk and talking with no one else but them. Uh....I don't hang out in clubs anymore. Actually, while I did go to clubs years ago with friends, I never got drunk--and I also met other people. So, while this might be true of you, it's not true of all. You'd be surprised how many more people (guys) will approach you, because it is much easier than approaching a group of women. Ahhhh.....and that's just what I want.....to be approached by a guy in a bar....... Sorry....BTDT....outgrew it. But you're right about one thing. You'd better believe a guy in a bar is going to approach a woman who comes in alone ---- because it indicates something when a woman shows up at a bar alone. This isn't something new....it's been the calling card to men for years. But believe me, this isn't the type of calling card that most women want to give out.
Author Mezzi Posted October 10, 2007 Author Posted October 10, 2007 Maybe you are holding these guys to unreasonable expectations. Could you live up to your own expectations? Some people are simply losers - but to say all 4 of these guys are losers seems a little presumptious. If they were that bad, then why go out with them in the first place? Ego boost? Maybe this is a case of "no one compares" to the ex-boyfriend. Your ex-boyfriend may have been a loser also, but your mind has a way of twisting perceptions of the past so that no one else will compare. Girls seem to fall into this trap often. peace_pipe I have seen quite a few of your threads and posts on this site and I am usually unimpressed. Your posts in this thread follow your routine trend of posting. The only person who has been presumptuous as it regards this topic is you. If you took the time to read and interpret you would have seen that I did not go out with any of those men. Where did I say I went out with any of them? ROFL at you saying 'ohhh why did you go out with them then? You must have needed an ego boost.' Yes, I said they were losers for one specific or in the cases of some a multiplicity of factors that dont suit me. I did not get into details about these issues so as to cut down on the length of my original post. So no, I am not holding any of them to too much. This is certainly not a case of no one can compare to my ex-boyfriend. Thanks though for your opinion **rolls eyes** If you had a little more confidence in yourself, perhaps you could do things on your own. Personally, I love going out to the clubs by myself. I have plenty of friends and they are a lot of fun... On the other hand, when you go out to the club with your friends - think about how often you end up simply getting drunk and talking with no one else but them. You'd be surprised how many more people (guys) will approach you, because it is much easier than approaching a group of women. I have went out MANY times by myself and I always end up meeting some cool people. I have passed up going out with friends on various occasions just because I wanted to go out on my own and meet other people. I met the girl I am currently dating when I was at a club... alone. Don't get me wrong, it is good to have friends and all, but I wanted to show you both sides of the coin. Friends can be a hindrance or a benefit. Use them to your advantage in this situation. ROFL at you telling people that its because they dont have any confidence why they dont wish to go out. If YOU feel comfortable going out by yourself well hey good for you. How do you know that she doesnt do things other things on her own? Going to a party is just one thing someone can do alone. Others and in my opinion a large number of people have no desire to go out to clubs and parties alone especially women. I dont have a confidence problem at all and im sure uniqueone doesnt either. Again thanks for your valued contributions. However, I for one appreciate productive replies to my topics, so if its not too much trouble kindly irritate others in another topic. Goodbye. Sincere thanks to everyone who has replied and I am going to try and joing another organization sooner rather than later. If you have any other suggestions post them
uniqueone Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 How do you know that she doesnt do things other things on her own? Going to a party is just one thing someone can do alone. Exactly. Like I said, I do most things on my own...sorta always been that way. But bars and clubs? I'm long past that phase of life and meeting someone in one of those places holds absolutely no interest with me whatsoever. I'd opt to getting a bikini wax over meeting a guy in a bar. I'd yank one of my fingernails off over meeting a guy in a bar. I'd......ok....I guess I've made my point....... Mezzi, I know you can feel like life's passing you by at your age even though my first reaction when reading that was "HUH? Life passing her by at age 20???" But then I remembered feeling that way at your age and it's because at that age, everyone is so social, everyone is doing this and that and dating him and her and you're surrounded with it all the time and so it's easy to feel like it's passing you by. See, when you're older like me, everyone is still doing all of those things but by then, they're all really effed up and so you don't really feel so bad if you're not joining them. See? It's something to look forward to! Anyway, it might LOOK like it's passing you by, but it's not. I know at your age, there's a lot of pressure and it feels like a race. I'm glad I'm out of that race. After a certain age, you don't have that pressure anymore. But for now....you're feeling pressure...that's life's passing you by so let's deal with that...... What exactly is passing you by? Do you really feel bad about your life or are you comparing yourself to others and feel that you should be like them and doing what they're doing? Is it more the fact that you're sad that you think you "should" be doing more than you are? Can you do other things that don't involve a relationship and be happy with those for now? Do you want a relationship sincerely or is it to be like everyone else? Just some questions to ask yourself....
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