someone3434 Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Congratulations. I just moved from loving you and wishing you were with me to ****ing hating you. 3 weeks after telling me you love me and that you were sorry you were hurting me; apparently you have been seeing someone else and you've been so comfortably that he's stayed with you. 3 ****ing weeks. after telling me you had figured out our first borns name...what a great father I would be..how happy you would be with me... how comfortable you were with me and how easy I made things for you and that you love me...you do this. Good luck with him treating you as good as I did. Buying you the little things that meant "so much to you". Good luck with him putting up with your temper tantrums. Good luck with him trying to cook dinner...can he cook..lord knows you loved it when I cooked for you. Good luck with him protecting you and wanting to always make you happy. Good luck with your parents wishing you would end up with him...you already told me they wished you would end up with me...Good luck riding your bike alone..he doesn't ride does he...Good luck with him bringing you flowers for no reason...Good luck with him sending you a text for no reason other than to tell you how beautiful you were...good luck with him giving you a birthday present that compares to mine..although I'm really glad that you waited to break up until a week after your birthday so you would get them... As a bright poster said on another thread... "but because I want you to understand the reality of the situation, the reality that you've created for yourself. I will never be that man to you again. Understand this, please, and remember that you had the chance to make all of your dreams come true. I am one in a million, different from all the others, so good you should be scared, and everything you could wish for. Ever think that's why you were scared? Not because something was wrong, but for the first time in your life, nothing was. I hope you find what you're looking for." You aren't worth another thought.
Scooter25 Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Hey brother, just so you know I went through the same feelings that you went through, granted I would say these and think these things and it would make matters so much worse, eventually I just didn't care, know why? Because in the end I know that I was the best thing for her, she said it, her family said it and so did friends but in the end she screwed up, not you just hang in there and slowly let time heal. Once i figured that out I knew someone out there would appericiate those little things.
ncpd25 Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Someone/Scooter, I've recently been there as well. I heard all those things while my ex poured her heart out to me, five days later, she's running back to her ex. While she and I were together, all she did is complain about him saying he cheated on her and was a compulsive liar. She would tell me they didn't have a partnership, they never did anything together. She did her things and he did his separtely. She told me she had never been treated so well as she was by me. She was in love with me, spoke of our future etc....She bragged to everybody about me. Then five days later, she tells me in a voicemail that she thought she was in love with me but, she isn't. I've been having a rough time of it. I know I treated her real well but, my confidence is destroyed, my self esteem is gone and my ability to trust somebody(in a relationship) no longer exists. She even told me in her voicemail that when she looked into my eyes, she melts and she also said in an email, that whether I believe it or not, she still really cares about me. I haven't talked to her in just over 3 weeks. One minute, I feel, she doesn't deserve me (she said that as well-BS statement, although it might be true) and the next minute, I'm trying to figure out what is wrong with me. I don't like beating myself up but, it's hard not to.
sb129 Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Eeek. The feelings of hatred will pass. Isn't it better she set you free to find someone who really does love you than stay with you out of obligation or pity?
CaliGuy Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Congratulations. I just moved from loving you and wishing you were with me to ****ing hating you. 3 weeks after telling me you love me and that you were sorry you were hurting me; apparently you have been seeing someone else and you've been so comfortably that he's stayed with you. 3 ****ing weeks. after telling me you had figured out our first borns name...what a great father I would be..how happy you would be with me... how comfortable you were with me and how easy I made things for you and that you love me...you do this. Happens all the time. Good luck with him treating you as good as I did. Buying you the little things that meant "so much to you". Good luck with him putting up with your temper tantrums. Good luck with him trying to cook dinner...can he cook..lord knows you loved it when I cooked for you. Good luck with him protecting you and wanting to always make you happy. Good luck with your parents wishing you would end up with him...you already told me they wished you would end up with me...Good luck riding your bike alone..he doesn't ride does he...Good luck with him bringing you flowers for no reason...Good luck with him sending you a text for no reason other than to tell you how beautiful you were...good luck with him giving you a birthday present that compares to mine..although I'm really glad that you waited to break up until a week after your birthday so you would get them... This is where you are completely wrong. Women don't give a rats arse what you do for them. That doesn't create attraction in women, the kind of passion that leads to long, healthy relationships. Women are attracted to how you make them FEEL. Being a strong, confident, self-assured man with a great sense of humor will make them FEEL attraction for you. Not what you do. What you DO is meaningless if you aren't making them FEEL the attraction. You aren't worth another thought. Now this I agree with. Forget them and move on. There's always someone else out there for you. Someone better.
ncpd25 Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Hi SB, As for me, I don't think I necessarily hate my ex. I was real upset that she lie to me for as long as she did. I think my emotions range from confusion, some anger and lack of self esteem. I realize I'm probably lucky to find out when I did about the kind of person she is but, when you're told by somebody that they're in love with you etc..., I took her serious and believed what she told me. I guess disappointment is another emotion I'm feeling. Yes, I'd rather find out now but, if she didn't have good intentions in the first place or was using me as a rebound, I would rather her just stay away from me (wishful thinking). I think I deserve to meet someone that will care about me and will be there for me as I would do for them. I have no interest in a one sided relationship. Live and learn, I guess!!
Sanslatete Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 It's not even a pure hatred for me which makes it the more difficult. I hate the things my ex has done and how it's left me, but my mind keeps harking back to the good times (which there were many). I suppose I'm just in that love/hate limboland at the moment. I want her to hurt like I am and to take some responsibility for what she did. I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life and I guess there's some (if not a lot) of resentment and jelousy for anyone who gets what I wanted. I can just content myself in knowing that no one will know the woman I knew because she's not her any more. It's that part of her that I hate, the part that doesn't love me, the part that did me wrong and left me. I still love the woman I remember. It's ****ed up, isn't it?! I love her, yet I hate her at the same time.
Author someone3434 Posted October 8, 2007 Author Posted October 8, 2007 Man that alcohol gets the best of me. I don't really hate her. I'm just in shock that it seems so easy for her to move on. It's just hard to understand how she went from telling me that she was in love with me and completely happy with me and pissed at how her previous boyfriends treated her because she never felt so happy and loved. This too shall pass.
carrotgirl Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 This is where you are completely wrong. Women don't give a rats arse what you do for them. That doesn't create attraction in women, the kind of passion that leads to long, healthy relationships. Women are attracted to how you make them FEEL. Being a strong, confident, self-assured man with a great sense of humor will make them FEEL attraction for you. Not what you do. What you DO is meaningless if you aren't making them FEEL the attraction. So long as we all understand that what you do is part of the equation of making us feel the attraction too. Carrot
serendip Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 I think there's no point in loving or hating a ex (those emotions will just prevent you from moving on)...the best thing is to move on...it's also the hardest thing....letting go. I find it a daily struggle just not to think of her...sometimes it's with love...sometimes with anger...but I know in the end...I have to move on. It does my life no good to wallow in a pit of emotions. I know with time the emotions will be less intense and the pain slowly disappear. I know it takes time to mourn for the death of a relationship...but know this...the feelings you had were real, the love and trust you had was real. No one can take that away from you.
sb129 Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Yes, I'd rather find out now but, if she didn't have good intentions in the first place or was using me as a rebound, I would rather her just stay away from me (wishful thinking). I think I deserve to meet someone that will care about me and will be there for me as I would do for them. I have no interest in a one sided relationship. Live and learn, I guess!! Hear hear... thats the attitude!
CaliGuy Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 So long as we all understand that what you do is part of the equation of making us feel the attraction too. Carrot Not if we're doing things seeking approval, it isn't. If you're doing things because that is your nature, then it's fine. It's when you do things in exchange for love or affection or to be accepted that it's not OK. "Doing things" doesn't generate near the attraction as just "being yourself" does. Kind of hard to explain as doing things can be a part of who you are, it's just in the context of WHY they are being done that separates "door mats" from "good men."
NocturnalRaids Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 "Send the pain below" by chevelle comes to mind. I was just listening to it before I read the thread.
Trialbyfire Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 You will all wake up one morning and realize you feel absolutely nothing for them. It's the greatest feeling of relief and freedom. Something for everyone to look forward to because if you let yourself, you will move on.
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