Dagny Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Uhm... So I met this guy (mutual friend of a friend) last weekend at a party, and was immediately bedazzled with a good case of attraction/lust/infatuation..whatever you want to name it. In fact, so bedazzled I kept bugging my friends to give me his phone number and e-mail. Out of pure altruism/frustration, my friend helped set up a group outing this weekend which ended up with him, me, my friend at another party and at a bar chatting till 3 am in the morning. I'm pretty taken with this guy. So taken I left him my cell number, my e-mail and my namecard. So all I'm supposed to do now is sit back, twiddle my fingers and wait. Thing is, I can't tell whether he is interested at all. He's so charming and friendly to everyone, its so hard to tell. So how long before I throw in the towel, move on, and say bah there are better fish in the sea? The 3 days rule? Sneaky suspicion is, I suspect if a guy is taken with you he won't even wait 3 days. So I should call it a day now. any opinions?
Pyro Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Uhm... So I met this guy (mutual friend of a friend) last weekend at a party, and was immediately bedazzled with a good case of attraction/lust/infatuation..whatever you want to name it. In fact, so bedazzled I kept bugging my friends to give me his phone number and e-mail. Out of pure altruism/frustration, my friend helped set up a group outing this weekend which ended up with him, me, my friend at another party and at a bar chatting till 3 am in the morning. I'm pretty taken with this guy. So taken I left him my cell number, my e-mail and my namecard. So all I'm supposed to do now is sit back, twiddle my fingers and wait. Thing is, I can't tell whether he is interested at all. He's so charming and friendly to everyone, its so hard to tell. So how long before I throw in the towel, move on, and say bah there are better fish in the sea? The 3 days rule? Sneaky suspicion is, I suspect if a guy is taken with you he won't even wait 3 days. So I should call it a day now. any opinions? Who says you have to wait around for him to call? You can call him if you want. When was the last time that you two spoke? Generally, if he is interested in you, he will not wait three days to call.
Timberlane Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Three days is a good length of time, but longer might be reasonable as well. For instance, you and he might not have established that you are both single yet. I met an attractive woman many weeks ago and my female friend ended up with her contact info. So right there is the issue of whether or not I am even free to date this person. I noticed she was around some other guys. Later, I ran into her again with the same guys. But we made a lot of eye contact and then directly exchanged phone numbers. I called soon after that and we made it clear we were both available and into each other. So all told that was three weeks. Sheesh! But it's cool. I think it will more than be worth the wait. You'll just have to see.
Krytie TV Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 I know for some people the fact that you gave him three pieces of contact info might have freaked him out. Maybe made him think you were, I dunno, needy.
Author Dagny Posted October 8, 2007 Author Posted October 8, 2007 Well i guess I should add more details. He did ask whether I was single, so that's set because hell ya I am! He also asked whether he could go back to my apartment out of the blue at the bar when my other friend was listening, where I then told him jokingly to go **** off and that I'll tell our mutual friends (which probably categorizes him as a playa). But all in all, uhm still no call. I'm just antsy because frankly, this is the first guy ive been interested in for the longest time ever and ive been out on a gazillion dates.
oppath Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Give him a few days. You can't categorize someone before you've talked/gone out a few times. You have to give him a chance. That doesn't mean wait by the phone, but if he calls Wednesday, don't conclude he was playing a game, either.
Timberlane Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Kind of cheeky of him to ask to go to your place like that.
Author Dagny Posted October 8, 2007 Author Posted October 8, 2007 well..i was rather crafty bout the way the way I gave him my contacts. I asked my friend to cc me on an e-mail to him, he responded I gave him my phone number to organize the outing and then followed up with a namecard during the conversation at the outing proper. And I do agree, it was rather cheeky!
Blackberry Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 The best resource is the actual book, He's Just Not That Into You. My question is, did you give him your cell number and card? Or did he ask for it? If he didn't, and you just said "Here's my cell and my business card" he KNOWS you want him and isn't interested as you have presented him with no challenge or mystery whatsoever. A man is into you if he asks you for your phone number himself and calls. He's not into you, and now you can move on and next time don't be so desperate! ALSO...if he was into you whatsoever, he would have found a way to contact you after the first meeting, it wouldn't have taken a friend's involvement of a set-up meeting situation, it wouldn't have taken a friend's help at all, if he were into you after the first meeting, hell and high water wouldn't have kept him from getting your phone number and calling you PRONTO. YOU DESERVE THAT. YOU DON'T HAVE TO THROW YOURSELF AT MEN. IN FACT IT IS THE SURE WAY TO REPEL THEM AND GET THEM A RUNNING FOR THE HILLS.
Blackberry Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 well..i was rather crafty bout the way the way I gave him my contacts. I asked my friend to cc me on an e-mail to him, he responded I gave him my phone number to organize the outing and then followed up with a namecard during the conversation at the outing proper. And I do agree, it was rather cheeky! Sorry but this was not rather cheeky, it was rather obvious. A namecard? How do you subtly give a guy a namecard without saying "Here's my pu**y on a platter. Come and get it."?
CuriousClaire Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 wow..that's kind of harsh...i don't think she was throwing herself at him. being that he might be a "player" he maybe just wanted to get a reaction. In anycase, if you're that interested I say wait till wed, then call him on thursday or whatever to gauge his reaction, but definitely ask him out . There's nothing to lose w/one phone call.
CuriousClaire Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 opps..i meant to say DON'T ask him out..lol..
Zapbasket Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Sorry but this was not rather cheeky, it was rather obvious. A namecard? How do you subtly give a guy a namecard without saying "Here's my pu**y on a platter. Come and get it."? [Temporarily off topic] Sorry, but my curiosity and suspicions have temporarily gotten the better of me. Blackberry, perchance are you the same person as the illustrious Izzy B? I notice that her posts stopped around the same time that yours started, and your responses have the same notable quality as hers. Just had to pursue an overwhelming hunch... [now back on topic] To the OP: What do you have to lose? Give him a call. Read his reaction carefully. You'll be able to gauge the level of his interest. If he's flaky at all, fck 'em. At least you'll prove to yourself that you have the confidence to take a risk.
Krytie TV Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Am I the only one that thinks that him asking to go back to your place that night combined with the fact that he hasn't called seems very obvious? It would seem he wanted to get laid. You refused and he moved on b/c you weren't easy. He may have very well thrown your info out when he left the bar. Some guys only operate one night at a time.
birdie Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 you are absolutely spot on. if a man wants more he will try not to spoil it by coming on too strong. that doesn't mean he won't accept an invite back to your own place but he won't instigate it that directly.
Starry-eyed Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Am I the only one that thinks that him asking to go back to your place that night combined with the fact that he hasn't called seems very obvious? It would seem he wanted to get laid. You refused and he moved on b/c you weren't easy. He may have very well thrown your info out when he left the bar. Some guys only operate one night at a time. No, you're not the only one. To the OP, even in this day and age, I still believe if a guy is interested, he will call, so I wouldn't call or contact him. If he doesn't contact you, he isn't into you. If it's been a week, I'd just try to forget about him and be open to meeting others. I know it sucks because he's the first guy you've been really attracted to in a while, but sadly that happens to all of us. There is someone else just as attractive out there!
stillafool Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 I have to agree that if he were interested he would have asked for your phone number. He could have asked you if he could call you when he asked you if you were single. I think if you don't hear from him by Saturday just move on.
Trialbyfire Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 I also agree that if a guy wants to call, he will call right away. Even if he calls days and days later, he's one of two things: 1) A guy who uses those silly dating standards, therefore, isn't the assertive kind of guy you might want. 2) You're an option, not his main interest. Btw, the next time a guy pulls the ONS thing on you, just say "you wish, darling" and give him a look that speaks volumes, whether you're partially amused, etc. It's not quite as abrupt as eff-u and if you really like this guy, you can keep a flirting/teasing dialogue going with him.
Author Dagny Posted October 12, 2007 Author Posted October 12, 2007 Alright update time. So lets see..we met on saturday. I agonize and get all sorts of sound and rather diverse perspectives here. On tuesday he writes a nice e-mail thanking me for a nice time on saturday and he remembered we talked about music and what type of music do I like so he can get it for me. I'm elated. I write back..nothing. Thursday I write him saying whats up, he says nothing planned for the weekend, whats with me and that he added me on instant messager. Then nothing. Still no date I think its time to diversify my dating. so much for that.:
amber1 Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 Yeah the guy sounds pretty flaky. My question for you Dagny is, who asked who out for Saturday?
latefragment Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 Dagny that friggin sucks. i'm really sorry to hear that. I've had guys do very similar to me. Doesn't it suck when you think that there is *personality, intellectual, and interests* type of chemistry in addition to the out of control physical chemistry, and to the guy it means nothing? I've had guys do that kind of thing all the time to me. Show a lot of interest right out of the gate, and then next thing you know they are gone faster than lightning. WTF is up with that. I'm sorry to hear that. But my guess is he'll pop back up , maybe this weekend or next, or a month or two or three (had that one happen, and stupidly fell for it) from now.
ItIs Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 Yeah, it does look like he doesn't think of you as his #1 prospect. Sometimes a fellow might even like you quite a bit, but not be sure he's capable of such a commitment with you, and not want to lead you into thinking he's just as over the moon about you (which some men of lesser integrity do). It makes sense to have more prospects of your own ... helps prevent you from putting too much stock in any one until they prove worthy of such a position. C'est la vie.
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