not all betrayed spouses are saints

[MeAndNotHer]

i realize as an OW, myself and my "partner in crime" obviously look like the bad guys.

 

but i wish people would remember that just because someone is being cheated on doesn't automatically mean that they are a saint who does no wrong.

 

everyone always says how can you do this, the one being betrayed is the one who did no wrong and doesn't deserve it. well, how do you know?

 

sure cheating is bad, i know, everyone knows. everyone knows and a lot of people still do it, so that's that. but that doesn't mean the person being cheated on is a perfect angel. there are things that are just as bad as cheating, but no one thinks so because in other bad things, genitals aren't involved. just putting that out there.

 

sometimes the "victim" is just as guilty of other things that can kill a marriage just as easily.

[mopar crazy]

There is a thread familiar to this. I believe it's called "To the BS...Don't Blame the OW." I don't believe a BW deserves to be cheated on no matter how bitchy she is. If the MM is that unhappy w/ her behavior he needs to talk to her about it, not run out and have an A.

 

I don't blame myself for my A. Here is a thread where I was being sarcastic on why my WH cheated: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1338648&postcount=23

[MeAndNotHer]

There is a thread familiar to this. I believe it's called "To the BS...Don't Blame the OW." I don't believe a BW deserves to be cheated on no matter how bitchy she is. If the MM is that unhappy w/ her behavior he needs to talk to her about it, not run out and have an A.

 

I don't blame myself for my A. Here is a thread where I was being sarcastic on why my WH cheated: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1338648&postcount=23

 

you missed my point entirely. i am not talking about blaming anyone for anything. i am simply saying that the person being cheated on isn't always some perfect spouse being wronged. everyone treats every betrayed spouse like they already know the person and what kind of treatment they should get.

 

 

also, if a woman is doing something to truly make her husband unhappy, why doesn't she just end the relationship instead of continuing the unhappy marriage? it works both ways.

[Cobra_X30]

Its because of the lies.

 

Fact is... if your unhappy with your spouse... you have an obligation to let them know! If they fail to fix this... then you have the option of divorce.

 

Do you understand why your incorrect to place the initiative on the BS?

[mopar crazy]

you missed my point entirely. i am not talking about blaming anyone for anything. i am simply saying that the person being cheated on isn't always some perfect spouse being wronged. everyone treats every betrayed spouse like they already know the person and what kind of treatment they should get.

 

 

also, if a woman is doing something to truly make her husband unhappy, why doesn't she just end the relationship instead of continuing the unhappy marriage? it works both ways.

 

I know what you are saying. The other thread does kind of tie into that, about the BW being a saint, in away. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am not saint. I was not b4 the A and I'm not after it either. I'm not the perfect W, no woman is. I refuse to be a doormat and if he doesn't like it, he knows where the door is. I was a doormat during his drinking time and I was complained and nagged A LOT about it.

 

A person's happiness comes w/in. No one can make you unhappy. If something is making you unhappy you talk to your spouse about it, not just go out and have an A.

[MeAndNotHer]

Its because of the lies.

 

Fact is... if your unhappy with your spouse... you have an obligation to let them know! If they fail to fix this... then you have the option of divorce.

 

Do you understand why your incorrect to place the initiative on the BS?

 

i am not placing the initiative on anyone. none of you are getting my very simple point. i'm not incorrect on anything.

 

all i am saying is the spouse being cheated on shouldn't be considered a totally innocent party just because they aren't the one cheating.

 

i am not talking about innocent in relation to an affair, or who caused it, or who should end it. i mean in general. sometimes the people being cheated on are sucky human beings who make a marriage miserable as well, but no one tells them to leave to make the other person happy. they're just made out to be victims, no matter what they might have done.

 

i do agree anyone who doesn't want to be in a relationship should end one before starting another, but what should happen doesn't always happen.