squeak Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 I can write all technical if I so choose. However I also know that some guys cant choose. They do as they have been trained! So I would expect that he has a strong background in science and some background in literature! I agree that most often the best form of communication in these instances is more visceral and emotional. However, are you not impressed with his choice of diction and grammer? Doesnt he come across as super smart? Dont you look for intelligence in a man? I don't want to jump on Shadowplay's BF's choice of wording, but I'm guessing that is how he expresses himself all the time, from her previous posts. When I read it/have met people who talked like that (women too) it sounds and feels really phony and a bit pretentious. I sometimes want to shake the person and say "will (insert real name here) please come forward and stand up!!" Flowery language tends towards sounding insincere, so it makes my suspicion alert rise. But that is just me. Another person may think it sounds pretty. I just want to know what a person is really saying, especially in matters of great importance, not to have to tease out the meaning.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Yes, I think your getting my point! The poor guy is probably bieng completely sincere! The issue is that he seems to be trying to impress, by overthinking... Plus it sounds like he has allot of intellectual training.... I mean he references prepositions and a grammer primer for heaven sakes!
squeak Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 True-- he could still very well be a good person with good intentions to her, just that he is wearing his arty suit a bit much, so deciphering will always be part of the interactions.
Author shadowplay Posted October 9, 2007 Author Posted October 9, 2007 Lol, I didn't expect you guys to have a field day with his response! I agree with you -- the email is very formal but he always writes in that style for some reason. He's told me before that he labors a lot over emails and treats them like formal letters. He has this whole thing about cultivating a gentlemanly air...he says he gets it from his WASP upbringing. Luckily, he doesn't talk like this in real life. I do think he's being sincere, though. He's a sweet guy...just a little clueless perhaps.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Lol, I didn't expect you guys to have a field day with his response! I agree with you -- the email is very formal but he always writes in that style for some reason. He's told me before that he labors a lot over emails and treats them like formal letters. He has this whole thing about cultivating a gentlemanly air...he says he gets it from his WASP upbringing. Luckily, he doesn't talk like this in real life. I do think he's being sincere, though. He's a sweet guy...just a little clueless perhaps. I think he is trying his absolute best to impress you!
squeak Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 And this is why it is good to take all advice here with a hefty grain of salt, (including mine) only the OP really knows the intricacies and deeper meanings of said person's habits and personality quirks.
Author shadowplay Posted October 9, 2007 Author Posted October 9, 2007 You guys are giving me some doubts/second thoughts, though. I'll admit it. Maybe I'm too suggestible. Hmm...I guess I'll think this through some more before writing a response.
Krytie TV Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 You guys are giving me some doubts/second thoughts, though. I'll admit it. Maybe I'm too suggestible. Hmm...I guess I'll think this through some more before writing a response. Don't worry, you've been able to shrug off all doubts and second thoughts this far. You'll trudge forward no problems.
Replicant Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 I feel pretty miserable right now. Is there any way of controlling the damage I've probably caused or is it too late? I think the few but good parts of that letter should have been just things conveyed face to face so it hits home on a more personal level instead of delivering it via email. The rest of it honestly is just absolute crap, i would not be happy reading such a thing myself...and if anything i would be second guessing things after that. Now if anything you are revealing yourself to be obsessive, depressive and excessively paranoid about really..really! small issues. Thus in most cases either not letting it be (such as a bad day or who makes the bus trip for a visit) and it just manifests into a panic attack OR you should be working it out with him! as your first priority if something bothers you. This is the part of the relationship things are supposed to intensify and accelerate in a very 'positive way'. Where it seems rather delinquent in things both of you do to one another which makes it appear much more unhealthy overall.
Author shadowplay Posted October 9, 2007 Author Posted October 9, 2007 Don't worry, you've been able to shrug off all doubts and second thoughts this far. You'll trudge forward no problems. Why are you being nasty?...
Author shadowplay Posted October 9, 2007 Author Posted October 9, 2007 The rest of it honestly is just absolute crap, i would not be happy reading such a thing myself... Sheesh...why the vitriol?? Everything I said in that email was sincere, so I fail to see how it's "absolute crap." I don't have a problem with your opinion, but you don't have to put it in such a nasty way. If I could go back there are definitely parts I would omit, but I'm also glad I let him know how I felt about him because it was something I had bottled up inside for too long. I tried to tell him in person on many occasions, but couldn't bring myself to do it.
Krytie TV Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Why are you being nasty?... Not nasty... cheeky. There's a difference. Seriously, forget all the drama and just enjoy the moment.
Author shadowplay Posted October 9, 2007 Author Posted October 9, 2007 Not nasty... cheeky. There's a difference. Seriously, forget all the drama and just enjoy the moment. Ok, sorry...I guess it's easy to misinterpret tone in online text.
Replicant Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Sheesh...why the vitriol?? Everything I said in that email was sincere, so I fail to see how it's "absolute crap." I don't have a problem with your opinion, but you don't have to put it in such a nasty way. If I could go back there are definitely parts I would omit, but I'm also glad I let him know how I felt about him because it was something I had bottled up inside for too long. I tried to tell him in person on many occasions, but couldn't bring myself to do it. Why? because you took what could have been a good letter from start to finish (if this being THE letter you were to deliver that message in). Yet inject it with all sorts of doubt and accusations (Such as being used for sex). You are your own worst enemy here, don't you see that? I think people have given you very solid advice over time, the most key word being "Relax"! but you do not! Like others have stated also this is the time where you should be enjoying yourselves do you not agree!?
Krytie TV Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 I do have to add that saying "I love you" for the first time over Email is pretty weak and seriously cheapens it. Thats me though.
Star Gazer Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 I do have to add that saying "I love you" for the first time over Email is pretty weak and seriously cheapens it. Thats me though. Totally agree. It's cowardly, and I wouldn't trust it.
oppath Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Totally agree. It's cowardly, and I wouldn't trust it. You could say the same thing about her initial email, that while sincere, is cowardly being expressed in email. This is why important things should NOT be discussed or disclosed over email.
lino Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 Hi shadowplay I think first of all you really need to relax. It's no good for you to get so worked up over it. Contacting each other when apart just by email isn't enough I think. I could never do things that way. Honestly, if you had sent that email to me I'd be a little freaked out. Not because of what you confessed in it but because 1) Saying that sort of thing for the first time by email comes across as, like others said, 'fake' for me it MUST be something done face to face. You've said you felt uncomfortable to do it in person, in that case I would have waited for him to tell you face to face or until you felt comfortable enough to do it that way. 2) the way you wrote it is too deep, or clinical as others have said. Like the others, I'd prefer it to be 'dumber' too and 3) All the other stuff you said was not necessary. You brought up issues which are IMO irrelevant to what you were trying to tell him. I too think his reply was a little strange even though he said he felt the same as you. I just wouldn't have said things that way if I was him but then again I wouldn't be doing it by email either. However, I do realise that you said he has a different way of communicating and clearly both of you are much more educated than me In the end only you really know him well enough to properly interpret his response. I really think you should interpret it as you think best and most importantly of all just relax and enjoy things. Take it as it comes without trying to look into things so much, you're just going to work yourself up too much. Oh and use the phone !!
Krytie TV Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 You could say the same thing about her initial email, that while sincere, is cowardly being expressed in email. This is why important things should NOT be discussed or disclosed over email. That's actually what I was referring to, her email.
Author shadowplay Posted October 10, 2007 Author Posted October 10, 2007 I have a bad feeling that he's discovered this thread or will at some point and I'm starting to feel pretty guilty about posting his email here...Is there any way I could get the thread or email excerpts deleted by a mod? How would I go about doing that?
Author shadowplay Posted October 10, 2007 Author Posted October 10, 2007 You guys are right that I need to relax. I really appreciate all the thoughtful advice I've received on this board. I will say, though, that there are a few posters who always write bitter, critical, and sometimes vicious responses to threads (not just mine). These responses tend to feed into my insecurities and doubts, and I'm sure they have the same effect on many others. The internet seems to have an overabundance of people with axes to grind who love taking their **** out on others. I've got to just brush them off. Anyway, I'll probably take a break from starting any more threads on personal matters for my own well-being. That is unless there's some huge development/revelation in the near future, which I kind of doubt. I'll still give advice and contribute to other threads I find interesting. Thanks again, guys.
Krytie TV Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 I will say, though, that there are a few posters who always write bitter, critical, and sometimes vicious responses to threads (not just mine). These responses tend to feed into my insecurities and doubts, and I'm sure they have the same effect on many others. The internet seems to have an overabundance of people with axes to grind who love taking their **** out on others. I've got to just brush them off. Or, you may want to consider that some of them are legitimate. Sometimes things that people need to hear are not the things they want to hear. So many times on LS people come for advice, and if someone dares to say something they don't agree with or is contrary to their own opinion (which if they are that sure of the answer, it would save everyone's time not to post for input), they shrug it off, as you say. More people need to consider that these harsh realities people bring up may just be more accurate than the popcorn affirmations people are usually looking for. But that will always be their choice to ignore them. Listen only to what makes us happy... it's human nature. I have been bashed on more than one of my threads and called out for being insincere, and I for one appreciate that (sometimes) because at times I do need a wake-up call.
Author shadowplay Posted October 10, 2007 Author Posted October 10, 2007 I don't know how, but I'm fairly certain he's discovered this thread. ****. I really don't know what to do. I doubt I'll even feel comfortable around him anymore. Somebody pm me.
Author shadowplay Posted October 10, 2007 Author Posted October 10, 2007 If you have seen this, I am so, so sorry. I don't know what to say, or if you'll even believe me at this point. I know it was really wrong for me to post a private correspondence between us like that. Immediately after I did, I felt uncomfortable about it, especially when I saw people picking it apart. I have contacted a mod in the attempt to delete your email, but I know that if you've seen it most of the damage is already done. I've learned my lesson, but by now it may be too late. I fear that you'll never be able to trust me again. Also, I'm extremely embarrassed about all the personal stuff I've posted on here that you mayhave read, some of which I wouldn't divulge to even a best friend I had known for years. I guess anonymity gave me a sense of false security, of which I am now realizing the flimsiness. I never imagined you or anyone I know would ever visit this forum, but I was being naive. This is my worst nightmare. And I'm so sorry that I hurt you. I really do mean what I said about loving you, which just makes this all the more painful. I am so, so sorry, baby. I know those are just words, though, and I don't know if you'll ever trust me again. I've been crying about this all night. You are a wonderful person who I feel so touched to have met and I've never wanted to hurt you in any way. The one thing I'd ask you to do is please let me know if you've read this stuff. Email me or something. Just let me know. I really need to know. Things will get awkward between us if we don't discuss this. I love you.
BlueEyedGirl Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 Shadow, Have you ever been to this forum on his computer? Have you ever let him use your computer without deleting histories etc? Did you mention this forum to him at all or any of the people he might know? If not, there is almost zero chance that he has seen this. Relax.
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