ErinsIsle Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 First Post. So please be patient. I’ll start at the beginning I was in a relationship for 13 years, from when I was seventeen until 30. It was empty, we never went out even though we would have been quite well off, and I was bored to death with it. He loved me in his own way, even though he could be occasionally violent. One morning we had a row over getting new windows installed, he grabbed me by the neck, broke doors in the house and drove me to the Bank and made me withdraw my savings and took them off me leaving me with IR£10 in the world. That morning, I left the house, never to return. At the same time in work, I started to become friendly with a guy in my department. He was great to speak to about the problems I was having and was offering me support as a friend. He was married, so I did not want anything to happen and nothing did for ages. One day we were out having lunch and he confided in me that his marriage was over(they were married a year, no kids) and that he was in the same predicament as me. She had moved away because he was married to the job, and amongst other things, he felt he had made a mistake getting married, as she was not the right one. I could not believe it. Over the next couple of months we spent a lot of time together and fell madly in love. I thought it was great that two people who had been in crappy relationships were getting a second chance. I had a lot going on from a legal point of view. My first ex bought me out of the house and I had enough to put a deposit down on my own house. Life was good, I was expecting my MM to be going through his legals, which takes longer over here as divorce is only new. I had no reason not to believe him. Fast forward almost four years. He practically lived at my house, we had holidays, etc. I was constantly asking if he had finalised things so that we could move forward. Then the rows started. I felt like we were having the same row over and over and over again. I started to feel panic, that the man who said he loved me had perhaps been economical with the truth. However, I loved him and trusted him and to be honest didn’t know what else to do, so I stuck it.. I have not had much experience with men, and these are the only two relationships I have had. Things got so bad that he ended up in hospital last year with high blood pressure from stress and when he came back he tried to blame me. He said that he was finished with women in general, and was going to do whatever it took to eliminate stress from his life. He refused to answer any questions about the seperation and I actually think they have been back in touch. We kept in touch over the next year, but I found him again becoming more and more absorbed in the job.(He since got a promotion) It was like his whole personality had changed. About eight weeks ago, he asked me to go for lunch. I don’t know how it started but it ended with a humdinger of a row. I told him that I never wanted to hear from him again (I had said that before but never followed through with NC) and that I was done with it. That’s it up to date. There has been NC and to be honest its breaking my heart. I feel stressed out and so so alone. What hurts the most is that there was no need for it. Coming out of a 13 year relationship was hard enough, I feel angry that he felt the need to get involved with me if his marriage was not finished. Why lie about it. He could have said anytime during the last SEVEN years, we want to try again, or I just want to be by myself. I would have preferred honesty. I deserve honesty. I told him the truth from the get go. Why could he have not said the same. He has hurt me so much. I was coping well, but over the past week, have not been eating or sleeping. I have lost seven pounds and have no appetite. I am hurt, hurt, hurting so much. Partly what triggered it off is that my sister had a new baby last week. When I came home from visiting her, I practically collapsed. He knew I wanted children, yet he led me on for seven years and now I am 37. I feel its too late for me. My confidence is gone and I am at rock bottom. Sometimes I feel I would be better off dead. Thank you for reading – sorry about the long post.
lost4ever Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 I am so sorry, I know it hurts. Some men are just after what they want no matter who they hurt..I'm sorry for your pain but you are doing the right thing in leaving
GreenEyedLady Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Ok, it's time to pick yourself, dust yourself and chalk it up to experience... You can get through this...You are not better off dead... You are a person who is strong and has learned alot... I'm very sorry for your pain... (((HUGS)))
whichwayisup Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 I know you're hurting right now, but you did the right thing. Surround yourself with good friends and family, rely on them for support but if you feel like you can't cope, don't be afraid to get some counselling. Don't let your past two relationships, especially the recent one, ruin you. You are still young and WILL find the right (single) man for you, when the timing is better.
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