Touche Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 If I had a dollar for every time I have heard that from my mother... Wow, that's just mean! (Ha ha!)
johan Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Some women like jerks because better the devil you know than the devil you don't. Guys who claim not to be jerks are just fooling themselves.
Citizen Erased Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Wow, that's just mean! (Ha ha!) Hey my mum is only 39 so I'm not saying you're old or anything
Touche Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Hey my mum is only 39 so I'm not saying you're old or anything Meanie! I'm older than your mum! And just for the record, I don't think all men are jerks.
Pyro Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Haha...have fun. Too bad I get to miss this but Thanksgiving dinner is calling to me...yoohoo...the turkey is in the house! One thing I am curious about for anyone who posts in this thread. Please define arsehole, male or female. Let me give it a stab. Arsehole: -man or woman who puts themselves first and foremost -Compromise is a rarity -Seeing things from the other persons POV is out of the question -Feelings are very rarely considered when saying something or making a decision -Asking for favors is out of the question -Making a sacrifice is out of the question -When an arguement starts, they resort to playing the blame game and name calling and real communication is out of the question -They never admit to their faults. Any mistake made is because of someone else other then themselves. Did I miss anything?
MtMan Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 There's a third category that no one has mentioned. When a girl leaves me, I turn into a wuss it seems. When she's with me, I'm not a wuss. I have confidence coming out my pores so much that other girlfriends of the ones I see, want me. Strange what being in love does to a person. Yet when a girl leaves, so does my confidence. It's not that it doesn't come back, but it does take time. The wonderings of why it happened, losing someone you cared for and so on. I experienced that too Kry when I was dating, or even if I was just with a girl *friend* who wasn't interested in me beyond being friends. (word to the wise with singles - hang out with a girl *friend* and you have a better chance of getting an attractive gal's phone number me thinks.) This has been called "The Queen Bee Phenomenon." And it is probably why there is an Other Woman forum to begin with. Women seem to have a hidden credit rating system with men, and if they see a guy has a woman already, or a wedding ring, that automatically gives them a high credit score. It must be a biological mating thing.
MtMan Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Most likely because these particular women are a**holes themselves. Like attracts like if a decent man wants to find love he should start dating decent women. I disagree with Woggle. I knew a very nice gal who was living with (but not married to) a bad boy who was a wanna be actor (I was living in North Hollywood at the time), who cheated on her (including Ensenada whores giving BJs in bars) and physically abused her. And who must have had narcissistic personality disorder. My only guess was that her father must have been similar. I just don't see why else she would have gotten together with and stayed with this guy. She bore a child of his. They didn't get married. And I doubt he pays any child support since she made a lot more money than he did.
Citizen Erased Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Meanie! I'm older than your mum! And just for the record, I don't think all men are jerks. Well she looks young for her age and you look younger then her so excuse my mistake
Trialbyfire Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Of course the turkey is in the house as long as you're still home!:p:p You know I love you. Ok, define *******? Wow, I don't know how to do that without getting banned! Hahaha...the turkey and the ham are gone and I'm back home, so there. Scientific proof that the two are not synonymous. We all got care parcels to bring home since there were so many left-overs. Half the family are down with the same cold I have, so it was an early night. It was still fun to see everyone though. Haha...you're supposed to describe characteristics.
Trialbyfire Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Let me give it a stab. Arsehole: -man or woman who puts themselves first and foremost -Compromise is a rarity -Seeing things from the other persons POV is out of the question -Feelings are very rarely considered when saying something or making a decision -Asking for favors is out of the question -Making a sacrifice is out of the question -When an arguement starts, they resort to playing the blame game and name calling and real communication is out of the question -They never admit to their faults. Any mistake made is because of someone else other then themselves. Did I miss anything? Well done. Overall, selfishness would cover most of your list but not as definitively. A chilling description of someone with NPD.
Pyro Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Well done. Overall, selfishness would cover most of your list but not as definitively. A chilling description of someone with NPD. Thanks. I really put some thought and effort into that post.
Trialbyfire Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Thanks. I really put some thought and effort into that post. A friend and I were chatting about this earlier today. The fine line between being assertive and controlling. The difference is the care you're willing to give someone else. If you always give with strings, it's not real giving but a barter system.
lonelybird Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 I disagree with Woggle. I knew a very nice gal who was living with (but not married to) a bad boy who was a wanna be actor (I was living in North Hollywood at the time), who cheated on her (including Ensenada whores giving BJs in bars) and physically abused her. And who must have had narcissistic personality disorder. My only guess was that her father must have been similar. I just don't see why else she would have gotten together with and stayed with this guy. She bore a child of his. They didn't get married. And I doubt he pays any child support since she made a lot more money than he did. maybe maternal instinct is working in her
Pyro Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 A friend and I were chatting about this earlier today. The fine line between being assertive and controlling. The difference is the care you're willing to give someone else. If you always give with strings, it's not real giving but a barter system. You are very wise. I like the way that was put.
Trialbyfire Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 You are very wise. I like the way that was put. Awww...thanks Rid.
oppath Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 A friend and I were chatting about this earlier today. The fine line between being assertive and controlling. The difference is the care you're willing to give someone else. If you always give with strings, it's not real giving but a barter system. Hmmm...I do always give with strings in some sense, meaning my love for someone IS conditional on them also loving me, but what you are saying is people who do something or ask for something -- or don't do something -- unless the other person gives them exactly what they want, that they have some expectation for the other to respond or behave or be indebt to them somehow. Quite honestly, I can be an ******* at times. I am super nice, until you cross my boundaries, which are quite liberal. It doesn't attract the women at all, but it can sure as hell push them away when I want to
MeAndNotHer Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 we don't always love a-holes, it's just that most women don't want a pu&&y. i need a nice balance, i need someone who can care for me gently and kindly, and who can also put me in my place when i need it. when people say "nice guys" they typically mean pushovers, and few women want a pushover.
Trialbyfire Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Hmmm...I do always give with strings in some sense, meaning my love for someone IS conditional on them also loving me, but what you are saying is people who do something or ask for something -- or don't do something -- unless the other person gives them exactly what they want, that they have some expectation for the other to respond or behave or be indebt to them somehow. Quite honestly, I can be an ******* at times. I am super nice, until you cross my boundaries, which are quite liberal. It doesn't attract the women at all, but it can sure as hell push them away when I want to Do you ever give freely? For example, if you see a stranger in need, will you help them for free or do you expect some form of return for your efforts?
oppath Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Physical help, yes. Emergency help, yes. Monetary help, no. Helping a dumb****, no.
Trialbyfire Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Then you do help with no strings. Monetary help isn't always invested into the necessities of life, such as food and clothing. It's why I rarely drop money into a street person's hat. Instead, if I'm going for lunch, I'll get food to go and give it to them, on my return trip to the office. It's why the Food Bank is a charity that's so important to me. People can't get a leg up if they're starving. At least I know that the majority of the money is going towards the people and not some posh marketing campaign. Since I've worked on the books of the local Food Bank I support, I know this to be truth.
Woggle Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 I never said that a good woman won't get caught up with a jerk but women who repeatedly get caught up with jerks are the same ones who will chew up a good man and spit him out so in these cases I look at it as two people who deserve each other. I have rarely a woman chase jerk after jerk trhat was worth any decent guy involving himself with.
lindya Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Some women like jerks because better the devil you know than the devil you don't. There's something in that. I remember a friend finally getting it together with a real, genuine nice guy who had been her friend for a long time. Everyone was asking why they hadn't got together sooner. She said that she'd been terrified that he'd end up letting her down. That at least with bastards you're prepared for it. You don't have high expectations of them, so when they behave dishonourably it's not a major shock to the system. With guys you honestly believe are nice, and genuinely trust, the betrayal is far far harder to come to terms with. Several years on they're still together. I'm glad she allowed herself to trust him.
EnigmaXOXO Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 I agree with you both wholeheartedly. Tony T could be a shrink. That response was in depth and true. I wonder if any ladies will answer this? I think Tony already summed it up for you fairly accurately. I don’t think a good majority of people are even aware that they are attracted to jerks or b*tches. Especially if you are young and inexperienced, and haven’t had much practice at sizing people up or figuring out what kind of partner works or doesn’t work for you in regard to a relationship. And some folks don’t even know what a good relationship is supposed to feel like unless they’re lucky enough to accidentally stumble into one. On the other end of the spectrum, you have those who have become so conditioned to the chaos and drama that it’s the only thing that feels “familiar” to them, and a healthy relationship (even if they were lucky enough to stumble into one) would feel foreign and uncomfortable for them. I heard it once said that people who consistently seek out unhealthy relationship partners are subconsciously trying ‘relive’ a relationship or situation from their past where they were left feeling powerless and out of control. Sort of like hitting the rewind button (vicariously through someone else) hoping to finally achieve some sense of resolution or closure for themselves. When it comes to whimps and jerks, as I’ve gotten older I realized that the best fit for me is a man that falls somewhere in between. I want a man of character and integrity, one who is kind and not cruel ... one with a generous heart, but a sturdy backbone and enough courage to define his boundaries and not allow anyone to cross them without consequence ... even me. I don't know how I did it ... but I’ve found a genuine “nice guy” like that. But he would turn into a “jerk” REAL QUICK if I were ever foolish enough to try and test him. And that’s why I not only respect him, but feel “safe” with him. It’s embarrassing to admit ... but I wouldn’t feel loved or protected if I were with a cruel man or a coward.
Msblueyes Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 There's a divided school on my bf but most think he's a scoundrel. I know he's a scoundrel but also know there is someone good underneath, as I have seen it. Personally, he's definitely confused. Drug use in the past has a lot to do with it. Being that he's not on drugs now, one of my friends, in a call over the weekend said what I'm seeing now, is A off drugs, still not nice, drugs have nothing to do with his "real" personality as my friend's seen lots of people on drugs, who are still darn right nice. ok. I'm a nice girl but now, and in the future, will not be a nice as I used to...I got walked on due to my nicesness, not anymore. There you have it.
Trialbyfire Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 To add to this, there are plenty of people who believe they aren't arseholes, when in reality, they are far worse than the most blatant arseholes. Better an honest arsehole than a snake in the grass...
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