ladybug63 Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 I informed MM it is over and I have decided to move on. He said we can be platonic friends. I said to him I think it would be better for me if we relinquish all contact with each other. To remain friends would just keep us where we are. He wanted to know what he did? I told him it was nothing he did it was just my choice. He want to be platonic friends. I don't understand why he just won't let it be. Can anyone advise me as to why he won't just let it be over all together. Could I had done anything differently?
lost4ever Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 they seem to always want to be friends, that way they can keep you close just in case something happens, they want the "in the wings girl" there way of putting things on hold just in case...
OpenBook Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 I informed MM it is over and I have decided to move on. He said we can be platonic friends. I said to him I think it would be better for me if we relinquish all contact with each other. To remain friends would just keep us where we are. He wanted to know what he did? I told him it was nothing he did it was just my choice. He want to be platonic friends. I don't understand why he just won't let it be. Can anyone advise me as to why he won't just let it be over all together. Could I had done anything differently? Good for you ladybug!! You stood your ground. He is just trying to keep some ties on you. Don't give in to it. If he really loves you, he will get a D and then come after you, full-throttle. If not, you've not lost anything. You Go Girl!!
whichwayisup Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 Be proud of yourself for taking this step. If he has to ask 'why' then he is an idiot! Seriously, his ego right now isn't comprehending nor letting him be respectful and understanding of YOUR wishes. Fact that he can't see or understand the effect this is having on you, and knowing the pain you're in by ending it, another reason that he's an idiot and selfish. You did the right thing for you, so don't let him guilt you into a platonic friendship.
jesssica Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 Congrats! I just ended it with my MM, too. I'm trying really hard not to contact him, and he's such a sweetie; he's been respectful of my wishes of "no longer seeing each other given the circumstances..." and as long as I don't contact him, he is not going to contact me. We say we are always going to be friends, but we both know that once contact (whether phone or email or in person), it will make it only harder to move on. We both love each other and care about each other a lot... and because of this, we have to let each other go. So the "friends forever" thing is nice, but you have proven you have a good head on your shoulders when you wrote that you have decided to "relinquish all contact with each other." Life is about changes and moving on and up... you need more and he is holding you back. If he respects you, he will respect your wishes. If he keeps whining and wants to be friends, he is now just using you and not really caring about your feelings and needs. He's seems pretty selfish, insecure, and clueless-- and you deserve much better.
jesssica Posted October 8, 2007 Posted October 8, 2007 And I also wanted to share a previous experience I had, with a previous MM (not the most recent one), he just didn't comprehend the fact that I was serious about moving on. He kept calling and emailing to the point of complete annoyance, and it made him look desperate. I was already beginning to dating someone else, someone a lot more attractive to me; so this desperate MM evolved to be completely repulsive and old to me. I ended up having to change my phone number, email, AND move my home to a new location because of him. He STILL didn't get the hint that I truly wanted to just stop contact with this MM (aka. creep). He somehow tracked down my number and called me out of the blue, thinking I would be falling head over heels over him at the sound of his voice... NOT! He was a definitely borderline stalker. I do not answer his calls. Every once in a while, he'll call from a different unknown number, and I'd answer-- but once I find out it's him I hang up right away. I don't answer blocked/unlisted calls anymore. I think i was too "nice" to him when we were together; and he believed everything I said and took it all to heart when I was affectionate towards him. I've moved on and changed a lot since... apparently not him. I mean, it's really hard for me to be mean... and when I am mean, he thinks I'm just playing hard to get or something. OMG, I wish he would just stop calling. I'm glad he doesn't know where I am living now. It's just a phone issue right now.
PoshPrincess Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 I informed MM it is over and I have decided to move on. He said we can be platonic friends. I said to him I think it would be better for me if we relinquish all contact with each other. To remain friends would just keep us where we are. He wanted to know what he did? I told him it was nothing he did it was just my choice. He want to be platonic friends. I don't understand why he just won't let it be. Can anyone advise me as to why he won't just let it be over all together. Could I had done anything differently? Well done Ladybug for being so strong. I tried the friends thing with exMM and believe me, it's just TOO hard! I couldn't handle him NOT being in my life but having contact with him but not being 'with him' drove me insane. Like Lost said, they DO want us there on standby, like they're hedging their bets, just in case they change their mind, the BS kicks them out, or whatever. If a MM loves his OW then of course it's hard for them to move on. It's not always calculated; he probably doesn't want to lose you completely. However, your MM must respect your wishes. He can't give you what you want so he has to let you move on with your life, as hard as it may be for him. Lots of luck. Keep up the good work!
pcastillo Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 ladybug63 You did the right thing. I am MM who recently was in the recieving end of a similar situation. It was a non-physical emotional attachement to to very nice young lady. Things were getting too close for comfort for her so she decided to end the friendship. After just a few emails to clear things up I accepted her decission and have decided to move on. It felt as if someone pulled out heart but as painful as it is I care enough to respect her wishes. Even harder is the fact that we still work together and see each other everyday. I believe in her heart she did not want to hurt me but there was no other way. Love hurts Ouch!!!!
Author ladybug63 Posted October 9, 2007 Author Posted October 9, 2007 ladybug63 You did the right thing. I am MM who recently was in the recieving end of a similar situation. It was a non-physical emotional attachement to to very nice young lady. Things were getting too close for comfort for her so she decided to end the friendship. After just a few emails to clear things up I accepted her decission and have decided to move on. It felt as if someone pulled out heart but as painful as it is I care enough to respect her wishes. Even harder is the fact that we still work together and see each other everyday. I believe in her heart she did not want to hurt me but there was no other way. Love hurts Ouch!!!! You are absolutely right. It does hurt I am not going to say that it don't. But like I told him it may not be the best thing to do, but it is the right thing for both of us.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted October 9, 2007 Posted October 9, 2007 Can anyone advise me as to why he won't just let it be over all together ? same reason that anyone feels a little lost after a breakup. even if he wasn't in love with you (which he may have been, who knows) you were still a part of his life that will no longer be there. it's only natural to feel that way, i think. you'll probably feel that way sometimes too. i just hope you keep up the strength to make him stay away. good for you, not because it never would have worked out simply because he was married, but because you made a decision for YOU and you stuck by it. well done.
Author ladybug63 Posted October 10, 2007 Author Posted October 10, 2007 how are you doing, ladybug? I am good thanks for asking.
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