The triple threat...Age Gap, now long distance, OM

[MagicMan]

Well hey this is my first post here.

 

I am 27, she is 39.

 

Some background. Couple years ago, I decided to go back to school. I have a two yr degree but decided after working for some years that I needed a 4yr degree. So I started back at a local technical college in order to get transfer classes out of the way. My second day there, this older woman comes up to me and starts chatting away. At this point in my life I was like "WTF who are you, why are you talking to me, go away," but just stood there continuing to smoke my cig without much more than a sidelong glance and occasional nod, trying to not be rude. My class starts and she comes in and sits down next to me. She explains I am in two of her classes, and she was going to be my friend. Later on she told me it was because she felt out of place, and could see that I too was not where I should be.

 

Over the course of that first semester we became friends, I met some of her friends and started hanging out at her house, as it was a gathering place. We started talking on the phone, talking about our lives, competing for grades in classes, all kinds of things. Over the next 2 years we became best friends. We scheduled our classes together, we succeed together (mostly A's and few B's), people knew if they saw one of us the other was around. Teachers would ask where the other one if one of us missed class. It was always where is "Bob and Susie" (names changed).

 

I became close with her family. Her daughter is 15, beautiful, and intelligent. She is both my little sister and a daughter to me. Her mother was staying with her for a while, and she became like a mom to me also, as mine passed about a year ago. Her husband.. well is never around and weird.

 

Speed up to this past May. Her husband took a job about 800miles away and left her here for 3 months. Shortly after he left she went to see him in order find out where they were going to live. I broke down. I lost it. We have known we loved each other for a long long time. But well.. she was older.. she was married.. neither one of us acted on anything.

 

Well when she came back, I couldn't take it. I told her. Told her how I felt, how I loved her, how much she meant to me, how I cared for her, how smart, beautiful, funny, fun, sexy, intelligent, caring, how much I could not live without her in my life. ....She reciprocated totally.

 

We spent 2 weeks after that, in emotional turmoil. Both of us wondering what to do now. We both love each other. We both want to be together. We know it's crazy. It's unsecured. She has to think about her daughter.

 

after about 2 weeks, of pushing each other away, and pulling each other back, laughs and crys.. we give in to the situation. We enjoy the summer, together, like a family. It was incredible. The happiest I have been in over 10years. We were in all senses married. We realized in this time, we have been married without the physical aspect for a long time already.

 

Fast forward some more. She had to move at the end of August to be with her husband. She didn't want to go, but could see no other option at the moment. She is miserable there. It is up north, she hates it. She wants to be back here with me. But this is not her first marriage and she now feels that she is there, she should give it a shot. Before I came into the situation she had been on the verge of divorcing him 3-4 times over their 7year marriage. But each time something came up, once he got cancer and she felt it was wrong to leave during that, another time her mom came to live with them and she felt trapped.

 

Now her mom is in an elderly care center, so thats off the plate. And the husband is healthy. Now she is just trying to figure out the right thing to do. She feels she owes it to herself and him, to give it one last shot. She tells me she doesn't believe it is going to work, but she has to get in counceling. I feel she is wanting him to end it. He is a fool if he doesn't believe something is going on. He has asked her, does she want him to be more like me. She does not engage in sex with him rarely anymore. She is not attracted to him.

 

She says now on top of everything, She will never feel for him what she does for me, period. She says she has never felt this with anyone. The emotional and physical connection is odd. In the past 16years she has been with 3 people. Her two husbands.. and me. She was with more before she got married, but says she has never felt the electicity, the chemical response, the total package of a lover until now. she says I am by far, her first true lover. Someone she feels connected with on every level.

 

She tells me things, often preceeded with "no one knows this." I know things about her and her past her husband does not know.

 

We talk everyday, for probably a total of 3-4hrs. She has been drinking before called me and said, "yes, I will marry you." The issue is, and she has told me this, even as much as yesterday... I can not support her right now. Her one flaw is she has never gained total financial independance. She is about the most frugal and tight with money person I know. Her husband's job is very very lucrative. In the 6 figures, and here I am a college student working on my engineering degree.

 

She is coming down to spend a week at thanksgiving under the guise of seeing friends and such, and picking up a car for her daughter, from her her daughters father. We will see how things go then.

 

Right now it's an waiting game. She doesn't know whats right. Should she stay where she is secure financially and unhappy, or take financial instability but happy. I believe in my heart, one day it will be me and her. But until then it rips at my soul. This would be easier if she didn't care so much about me, or me her. But neither one of us are strong enough to let go.

 

At the moment, I think she is waiting on him to end their marriage. She has walked away from a previous marriage with nothing, and with all the emotional abuse this husband has caused her she wants to end with something. I don't know.

 

Until things change one way or another, its a rough limbo.

I've got the triple threat... older woman, long distance.. and still married.

 

(PS.. It goes against everything in my morals to be involved with this. I never planned on getting involved with a married woman. I do feel a tinge on remorse and guilt, as does she. But both of us also feel it is so right, how could we not. If everything falls apart, at least we both know how it is to truelly feel the spark, the love, the connection. It scares her. She has never been scared of losing someone before, and for the first time in her life, she feels she could have a broken heart by losing me. And that scares me. As I believe I could go my whole life and never find someone who makes me feel this way again. Please don't write me off as some scumbag. It does take two, and she was the one who kissed me that night I told her my feelings. I never made the first move physically other than to tell her how I felt. Now if telling her I loved her more than anything in this world, makes me a scumbag.. well in that case, I might be.)

 

I had a wall I built up a long time ago, and this incredible woman, came and started poking at it. she knew it was there, and she cared enough to keep pounding at it till it fell. She asks me almost daily, why I did not tell her sooner. Why I did not kiss her during all the times we were alone. I didn't, b/c she was married. I respected it.

 

Hell if she had not of moved I probably would have never told her. We would still just be best friends. But when she left for that weekend, I knew she was going out of my life, and I couldn't handle it.

 

It sucks. Plain and simple. We will see where it goes. I tell her, if we end up together through all this... we were meant to be, because baby, this is about as thick as it gets.

 

Should probably add, the child is from her first marriage. This is her second.

 

She married the father of her daughter because it was "the right" thing to do. But they found out they made better friends, and are very good parents together, just not good married to each other. They have a good relationship because they both want the best for their daughter.

[Touche]

This has "mid-life" crisis written all over it. Trust me on that one. She's not going anywhere. And she's feeding you all the same lines that I see MM feeding the OW's.

 

Please try to move on. Don't you want a family of your own one day? This has an almost zero chance of working out, I'm sorry to say. And I think you know it too.

 

Also, if what she's telling you is true (about her feelings) then why would you want to be with a woman who is picking financial security over love? How superficial. The fact that she made the move should tell you all you need to know.

[LucreziaBorgia]

You are paying too much attention to the stuff you want to see and hear that works in your favor, and not enough to the red flags that don't. Those red flags are why she will not end up with you. You'll come to see that eventually.

 

In the past 16years she has been with 3 people. Her two husbands.. and me. She was with more before she got married, but says she has never felt the electicity, the chemical response, the total package of a lover until now. she says I am by far, her first true lover. Someone she feels connected with on every level.

 

I used those same lines more times than I care to remember. They serve multiple purposes, all to one end: they keep you where she wants you - you continue to see her in a good light, you continue to ignore the warning signs, you will continue to stay on he back burner, you will continue not to pressure her, you will continue to keep yourself only for her, you will continue to overlook the fact that she is married (because she is so "unhappy" being married) etc.

 

Will she ever end up with you? You'll never know until you clearly knock her off the fence: that she is either going to be with you OR be with her husband and not both. If she chooses to stay married, she will never be able to contact you or have you in her life EVER AGAIN. Then, follow through. If she tries to contact you, ask her if she is divorced, has papers to show it, and a lease on a new place for either her or her husband. If she cannot provide proof of a legal separation/divorce and proof of separate residences, then remind her of your terms and hang up on her.

 

Its brutal, but knocking someone off the fence is never a nice thing. People who sit fences prefer it that way, and will fight to stay up there. Unfortunately, when you knock someone down you never can tell which side of the fence they will end up on.

 

Your ability to knock her off the fence depends entirely on your ability to walk away if she doesn't end up where you wanted her to.

[Trialbyfire]

Fast forward some more. She had to move at the end of August to be with her husband. She didn't want to go, but could see no other option at the moment. She is miserable there. It is up north, she hates it. She wants to be back here with me. But this is not her first marriage and she now feels that she is there, she should give it a shot. Before I came into the situation she had been on the verge of divorcing him 3-4 times over their 7year marriage. But each time something came up, once he got cancer and she felt it was wrong to leave during that, another time her mom came to live with them and she felt trapped.

 

Now her mom is in an elderly care center, so thats off the plate. And the husband is healthy. Now she is just trying to figure out the right thing to do. She feels she owes it to herself and him, to give it one last shot. She tells me she doesn't believe it is going to work, but she has to get in counceling. I feel she is wanting him to end it. He is a fool if he doesn't believe something is going on. He has asked her, does she want him to be more like me. She does not engage in sex with him rarely anymore. She is not attracted to him.

 

Here's a woman who knew she would have to move but had a little free time on her hands. Also, notice the pattern of behaviour. Excuses, excuses, excuses.

[OWoman]

The issue is, and she has told me this, even as much as yesterday... I can not support her right now. Her one flaw is she has never gained total financial independance.

 

 

I guess that's your answer. She's not looking for a relationship, she's looking for a sugar-coated meal ticket.

 

She was at college with you, right? So what's stopping her earning her own money? Instead of looking to a man to pay her way, why isn't she looking to make herself self-supporting?

 

Sorry MM but unless there's a lot you're not telling us, it sounds like you're just going to get hurt here.

[MagicMan]

I don't know what's going to happen.

 

Sorry MM but unless there's a lot you're not telling us, it sounds like you're just going to get hurt here.

 

I will tell ya anything you want to know. Just ask. I'm trying to figure this out, trying to stay positive. I know it's a fairy tale, and everyone believes their situation is different. I have no clue if mine is or not. It's hard to know for sure without her posting here, telling her side. I believe I know her feelings, but we can never be sure.

[mineymoe]

I think it doesn't sound like there is a whole lot you can do but wait and see what happens.

 

Also, I am relatively new to this board but I can tell you it is rank with negativity! Be careful what you listen to here. It seems as if there are alot of bitter bitter people with nothing but time on their hands and a desire to try to drag other people down. Your situation, as is mine, and every other person here is unique. Only you truly know what is going on and how you feel and it is ashame that people come here looking for support and guidance and get bashed with superior attitudes and bs. It sounds as if you found your own personal complicated LOVE and hopefully you can find some here that will be able to empathize and understand.

 

I wish you the best.

[sb129]

Also, I am relatively new to this board but I can tell you it is rank with negativity! Be careful what you listen to here. It seems as if there are alot of bitter bitter people with nothing but time on their hands and a desire to try to drag other people down. Your situation, as is mine, and every other person here is unique. Only you truly know what is going on and how you feel and it is ashame that people come here looking for support and guidance and get bashed with superior attitudes and bs. It sounds as if you found your own personal complicated LOVE and hopefully you can find some here that will be able to empathize and understand..

 

The reason that alot of people may appear 'superior" and "negative" on here is that MANY people on this board first came here for exactly the same reasons that you and MM did. I was an OW, and am no longer one, and for all you saying that your situation is unique, there are so many common behavioural patterns in an extramarital affair, whether you are the MM, MW, BS or the OW/OM, and being on this board only confirms that to me after reading about so many stories that are simply a variation on a theme.

 

Some people are still embroiled in these complicated situations, but generally, most people who come to LS as an OW/OM don't get the happy ending they wish for, and the regulars here know that. They also read the posts by betrayed spouses, and that certainly puts a different perspective on things- knowing both sides of the story often helps people to give unbiased, clear, rational advice.

 

Its this knowledge of these experiences that is behind the "negative" posts you speak of, not people wanting to drag others down.

 

Stick around a little longer, and that may become more apparent to you.

[Touche]

I think it doesn't sound like there is a whole lot you can do but wait and see what happens.

 

Also, I am relatively new to this board but I can tell you it is rank with negativity! Be careful what you listen to here. It seems as if there are alot of bitter bitter people with nothing but time on their hands and a desire to try to drag other people down. Your situation, as is mine, and every other person here is unique. Only you truly know what is going on and how you feel and it is ashame that people come here looking for support and guidance and get bashed with superior attitudes and bs. It sounds as if you found your own personal complicated LOVE and hopefully you can find some here that will be able to empathize and understand.

 

I wish you the best.

 

"Rank with negativity" or full of realism? You know some of us have a lot of experience. Experience that shouldn't be discounted as just "negativity."

 

Sure everyone's situation is unique. But some of recognize the red flags in all these situations. Some of us understand human nature. Some of us are trying to prevent others from making some of the same mistakes we've already made. Is that what you call "negativity?" Wow.

 

I do empathize and I do understand. But this isn't "LOVE" as you put it. And guess what? Bet you didn't know this big lesson I learned in my own life but "LOVE" isn't enough. Nope it isn't. You'll see. I've often said that of all the lessons I've learned in my life that one was the toughest. And it's one that we all must learn if we ever have a chance in hell at happiness.

[soon2bemine]

Try to step out of the emotions for a little while and look at the situation objectively. Use your instincts. They will be your best guide.

[Trialbyfire]

I think it doesn't sound like there is a whole lot you can do but wait and see what happens.

 

Also, I am relatively new to this board but I can tell you it is rank with negativity! Be careful what you listen to here. It seems as if there are alot of bitter bitter people with nothing but time on their hands and a desire to try to drag other people down. Your situation, as is mine, and every other person here is unique. Only you truly know what is going on and how you feel and it is ashame that people come here looking for support and guidance and get bashed with superior attitudes and bs. It sounds as if you found your own personal complicated LOVE and hopefully you can find some here that will be able to empathize and understand.

 

I wish you the best.

Healthy relationships sweetie... Just remember this motto.

 

Some people learn on their journey and others need to hit rock bottom before they recognize what healthy relationships are all about. You can pretend that an affair fantasy provides you with respect and trust but isn't it better to live with the reality of the here and now? Better to be able to separate fantasy and reality, y'know...

[mineymoe]

the first responses to most posts here, which come in very quickly, are stay away, have no contact it won't work out...etc. etc.

I have been the betrayed partner twice.

I know many people who were the ow/om and it did work out.

Even my ex is still with his "OW" 9 years later....half of all marriages end in divorce...it does work out for some. there is reality, objectivity, lessons to be learned, typical patterns of behavior, maybe with certain types of people. But I think relationships that have endured and grown over years are a little different...I believe magic man might be on to the real thing, he is wondering the same thing sounds like....i wonder the same thing with my relationship...there are many types of people in the world and sometimes things don't work out the way we planned, sometimes they end up turning out even better. Walking away from something because of someone else situation/experience is pretty unrealistic advice all the time....and i do feel sorry for the new posters who take their time pouring out their heart and telling their story with the hopes of attaining some type of understanding or support getting the good old....don't go there routine....puh lease.....maybe there is more of a reason that some of you are no longer in the relationships you once were in, maybe they were good ones, maybe they were not, maybe, I am pretty sure in the case of some of the posters here, I'm doubtful of success in any relationship. married single, comatose....

anyway i am not getting into this argument either....I'm making my kids dinner and then going to see my huney....bye.......................

[Trialbyfire]

Anyone can justify anything. It's called making excuses for settling...

[Touche]

the first responses to most posts here, which come in very quickly, are stay away, have no contact it won't work out...etc. etc.

I have been the betrayed partner twice.

I know many people who were the ow/om and it did work out.

Even my ex is still with his "OW" 9 years later....half of all marriages end in divorce...it does work out for some. there is reality, objectivity, lessons to be learned, typical patterns of behavior, maybe with certain types of people. But I think relationships that have endured and grown over years are a little different...I believe magic man might be on to the real thing, he is wondering the same thing sounds like....i wonder the same thing with my relationship...there are many types of people in the world and sometimes things don't work out the way we planned, sometimes they end up turning out even better. Walking away from something because of someone else situation/experience is pretty unrealistic advice all the time....and i do feel sorry for the new posters who take their time pouring out their heart and telling their story with the hopes of attaining some type of understanding or support getting the good old....don't go there routine....puh lease.....maybe there is more of a reason that some of you are no longer in the relationships you once were in, maybe they were good ones, maybe they were not, maybe, I am pretty sure in the case of some of the posters here, I'm doubtful of success in any relationship. married single, comatose....

anyway i am not getting into this argument either....I'm making my kids dinner and then going to see my huney....bye.......................

 

I don't feel sorry for them. I actually respect them. I think the reason they post is that deep in their hearts they know the real truth. If not, then why would they be posting in the first place, right? If they were so sure that it was meant to be, why seek advice?

 

I believe that most people who post already know the answer in their heart but need to hear it from others. So please don't feel sorry for them. Admire them for their wisdom instead. They don't need your pity nor do they want it.

[sb129]

Quite a few of us are in happy, healthy relationships that don't involve spouses, affairs or deceit of any form.

 

Having been in both kinds of R, I know which one I would choose, and thankfully thats the one I am still in.

 

There are alot of people on here that are having R difficulties, thats to be expected- its a R advice forum.

 

Yes, I agree it does work out for some people, but only if the married people involved in the affair are prepared to take the plunge and leave their spouses, which in MagicMans case sounds very doubtful at this stage.

 

Magicman sounds smart enough to be able to sift through the advice and take on board what he thinks is the most relevant- that may be none at all.

 

People understand more than you think.

If i were to say to him-

wow, thats great, you have met the woman of your dreams, yet she isn't prepared to sacrifice anything for you, no matter, keep accepting the tidbits of affection she throws your way, demoralising yourself in the process, yet one day maybe just maybe she might leave her H-

How is that in any way constructive or helpful???

[Trialbyfire]

mineymoe, you've been betrayed twice and now chose to be an OW. Hmmm...swammi says...you've now taken the perceived power seat. How in the world do you figure this is healthy?

[MagicMan]

I appreciate the comments, but lets keep this thread more on topic then bashing people on the forum.

 

I have a glimmer of hope, this might be real. I just have to be willing to give her space and time in order to figure out if it is correct for her. I in no way want her to leave him, and always regret or wonder it. That is not fair to any party involved.

 

I also realize she does need to stand on her own a while. We have talked about it also. If she does leave her husband we will not live together or get married till I am through school. We will date of course, but she will need that time as well as me to make sure everything is correct.

 

This is not some office fling, not some person I met and just ended up with. This is a woman I was friends with. Someone I became best friends over the course of years spent together. I am someone who has come into her life to help her, as much as she has helped me. Neither one of us are sure yet that we should be together forever.

 

We both have an incredible connection and love for each other. But there is a lot of factors to weigh. I have to be sure I am willing to give up having a child of mine own. This is something I have been debating a lot. There is a lot of pro's and con's to it. I do not find it fair to have a child with her as the age means it could be getting close to dangerous, and she does not want to 60 with a 20yr old.

 

She has an incredible 15yr old daughter right now, I would give my life for. Her daughter even stayed with me for 2 weeks, after she moved so she could see and spend the rest of her summer with her friends here and her boyfriend. Her mother, as bad as it is, felt like her daughter was safer with me for 2 weeks, than she would be with her own husband, if that says anything.

 

I have a lot to weigh, and I am just trying to get opinions. I honestly believe no matter what, this woman will be part of my life forever. She has even said no matter what, she will cry the day I get married if it's not to her.

 

We don't know where our road will head, but we are trying to be reasonable about it. I believe she does owe it to herself for her, to try to get counseling for this marriage. She has to know it's over and believe it. I don't want her if she will always wonder if it could have been fixed. This woman's happiness is the most important thing to me.

 

Even if it is not with me. I will survive and be a better man for it, for I now know what Love is suppose to feel like. I know the connection, the spark, the magic, the romance, the sex, the love... I know how it should feel. Nothing before in my life has felt like this, and this is right.

[OWoman]

I don't feel sorry for them. I actually respect them. I think the reason they post is that deep in their hearts they know the real truth. If not, then why would they be posting in the first place, right? If they were so sure that it was meant to be, why seek advice?

 

I believe that most people who post already know the answer in their heart but need to hear it from others. So please don't feel sorry for them. Admire them for their wisdom instead. They don't need your pity nor do they want it.

 

...Or to feel it emerge strongly within them as they participate in the discussion. Sometimes when someone says something and you find yourself disagreeing strongly, you realise why it is you disagree, and what it is you feel / agree with.

 

No harm, then, in "right" or "wrong" answers. Some things will resonate, and others will just form background noise.

 

On the particular issue though - I don't think either age, distance or MW's M are deal breakers in themselves. But the fact that MW is telling OM that she can't be with him because he can't support her is a warning bell to me. To me it says that what she's looking for is not a R, but support. Now maybe that's unfair, and there are good reasons why she can't (rather than won't) support herself, but on the information that's been posted here that does leap out at me as a problem. MW said it. OM chose to mention it here. It's significant for them. That makes it an issue.

[Trialbyfire]

MM, Step back and analyze your feelings. It's pretty exciting being in an affair, isn't it, especially since she's technically even more unavailable now, than before. Does it feel right or are you being driven by emotions of which love is only a small portion?

[OWoman]

I also realize she does need to stand on her own a while. We have talked about it also. If she does leave her husband we will not live together or get married till I am through school. We will date of course, but she will need that time as well as me to make sure everything is correct.

 

This sounds pretty sensible.

 

She can get her stuff together, you get your stuff together, you meet each other from a position of strength on both sides rather than her needing you to support her when you're not in a position to do so, and you being thrust into a demanding role when you're still busy with your studies.

 

[MagicMan]

MM, Step back and analyze your feelings. It's pretty exciting being in an affair, isn't it, especially since she's technically even more unavailable now, than before. Does it feel right or are you being driven by emotions of which love is only a small portion?

 

Exciting...sure..as in exciting like throwing up from stress, not sleeping, being emotionally torn to shreds... yeh i love it... I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

 

Trust me, I have tried to walk away from this. Tried to find a reason to quit this woman. I have called her to tell her I couldn't do it anymore, only to break down. She has tried pushing me away, only to find herself sick, alone, depressed.

 

This is not the kind of relationship I enjoy being in. It is not fun, at all. Anyone who thrives on this kind of "excitement" needs to have their head examined.

[Trialbyfire]

This is not the kind of relationship I enjoy being in. It is not fun, at all. Anyone who thrives on this kind of "excitement" needs to have their head examined.

Hence why I question you. Adrenaline, whether caused by positive or negative emotions or situations, is addicting. Why stay in a situation that causes you so much angst? Don't tell me there's no escape because we both know it's not true.

[BestAdvisor1]

My second day there, this older woman comes up to me and starts chatting away. At this point in my life I was like "WTF who are you, why are you talking to me, go away," but just stood there continuing to smoke my cig without much more than a sidelong glance and occasional nod, trying to not be rude. My class starts and she comes in and sits down next to me. She explains I am in two of her classes, and she was going to be my friend. Later on she told me it was because she felt out of place, and could see that I too was not where I should be.

 

How did you go from "WTF who are you", a clear sign indicating that you were not attracted to her at all, to fallen in love with here despite those 3 major flaws you mentioned?

 

When she's in her 50s, you'll only be in your 30s. Do you truly see it last? Were you ever friends with her husband? If the answer is "no," based on what you wrote, you at least interacted with him many times and know him well. Any sympathy for him?

[MagicMan]

How did you go from "WTF who are you", a clear sign indicating that you were not attracted to her at all, to fallen in love with here despite those 3 major flaws you mentioned?

 

When she's in her 50s, you'll only be in your 30s. Do you truly see it last? Were you ever friends with her husband? Any sympathy for him?

 

Well for one, I rarely find anyone attractive off the bat. As rare as it might sound, I don't care how beautiful a woman might or might not be, until she opens her mouth and allows me to hear her voice, along with thoughts, she could be one of any.

 

When I met her, I found her to be a decent looking older married woman, who was in the similar situation as me, going back to school. One who was also head and shoulders above the average other student at a technical college in the capacity to comprehend and learn.

 

Time my friend. Time, knowledge, talks, laughs, crys, life...that's what made me fall in love with this woman.

 

I'll be 38 when she is 50. I have always been attracted to older women, and yes 12yrs is a lot, but its not as much as some. Women marry guys 12yrs+ older than them often, and nothing is thought of it.

 

It does help though, even though she is 39, she still gets carded when dressed up, and could pass for 30 easily. I've met many woman in their late 20's to early 30's who look older than her. So looks and body, is not an issue to me. Honestly, it doesn't matter. I love her period.

 

Her husband is how I say... odd. In two years with people hanging out at their house every weekend, he only ever hung out twice. some people went months without seeing him, even by being at the house every week. Do I have sympathy for him. Sure. His marriage is on the rocks, its close to being over, and he doesn't know how to, if he can, fix it. And no, I don't want him to fix it. I'm not sure he could even if he knew how.

 

Even if she doesn't end up with me, I do not feel they are a good match period.

[Lizzie60]

I read about 1/2 your post...

 

My second ex was 12 yrs younger too... we were both divorced though... but as for the age gap... that's no big deal... it's only 12 yrs...

 

I say, give her the time she needs...first, there is not much you can do...it you pushes her, you'll push her away... she needs some time.

 

Be patient... but by patient I mean, whenever your little voice tells you that she's taking too much time and that maybe she is 'playing' you...then you'll have to move on.

 

I don't know what we can tell you that will make you feel secure about her... I guess only time will tell if you'll be together... in the meantime, do your things...