cusack Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 I'm not sure if i'm posting in the right section, but here goes: I'm looking at this from the dumpers point of view, when i finally decided to leave my husband i knew it had to be. We had already been living in different locations and the emotional distance had been a factor for many years. i just recently found out he has been seeing someone. It actually felt like a knife in the heart. Let's face facts, ego comes into play. I don't want him but nobody else can. What an awful feeling. So, for any of you dumpees out there, yes, the dumper is eventually hurt or feels a sense of loss when they hear of their ex dating another. However it is more than likely knowing that person has let you go and that safety net no longer exists. It sounds cold and harsh, but it is a fact in my world. It feels good to get this off of my chest. Does it make me a bad person? Perhaps? But understanding that it isn't love and it all boils down to self -esteem issues makes me feel like i'm facing my demons.
Sanslatete Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 I got dumped by the only woman I've truly loved. She loved me in May of this year then by June she was talking about having "time and space" to work out what she wanted. It turned out she just wanted me out the way so she could see someone else. I got all the lies to my face when I asked her if she was seeing someone else or lying to me and she denied both. I knew there was something wrong because it all went strange very quickly. Now I'm three months down the line, I've missed her painfully all this time but she blames me for everything and can't see the harm she caused. If you listen to Alanis Morissette's "You outta know" you'll get the idea of how I'm feeling right now. I gave her all the love I had and told her daily that I loved her, so there was no need for her to have her ego massaged, she KNEW I loved her, immensely. There was no forgivable reason for her to treat me like she did. This was the woman who used to text me to say she could never lose me and that she was head over heels in love with me, then she stabs me in the back without blinking. I was crushed and still struggle with the things she said and did as it was so out of character for her. She was beautiful and so sweet, one in a million (I thought), she was my kindred spirit and my soulmate. It does my head in to believe it still, how could she have changed so much so quickly, it beggars belief. I truly hope she gets her just deserts and karma punishes her some time in the future for spoiling something so special. I'm the one left to deal with all the **** she left me to deal with while she's in DEEP denial. It's heartbreaking.
Trialbyfire Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 Yes, dog in the manger happens all the time but isn't always the reason. It's good that you're able to isolate the reasons why it bothers you, so you can work on this aspect to allow yourself to let go completely.
Newtotheblogthing Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 Um, I have been posting about how devastated I am at the loss of my ex. I initiated the original break up and when I found out he had a new girlfriend I FREAKED out. I couldn't believe it. After I had "broken" up with him, I had still harbored a bit of hope that we could work it out but honestly I deep down I knew we weren't good for each other. After 3 years together and a lot of drama, I still have a hard time accepting he has moved on. It is ego and it's fear for me. I always thought he would be there for me. That's what we would do. Break up, get back together etc.. We were totally dysfunctional. But I understand how we are both surprised at the amount of pain we feel because they are moving on. Right or wrong, it's devastating. I am still working it out. And for those who are surprised by this reaction, I know it's selfish...
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