carolinaboy Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 I work at a bar and my ex came by tonight. i have been posting about how her phone calls tear me up, but seeing her in person unannounced freaked me out! i was simaltaneously attracted to her and resented her being there at the same time. we have a mutual friend she brought by and she said our friend wanted to see me. she was leaving to pick her sister up from work and i ran down the stairs of the club and hugged her for a long time. she cried and said, stop...she was the dumper so i guess she wanted to play "no feelings,casual vibe" I went back to work and she came back later to pick up our friend and i got stuck in an awkward conversation with our friend where i didnt look her in the eye or touch her. i was trying to be strong and talk about all the progress i've made but i wanted her to hear it all. it left off with her walking down the stairs and her and i sharing a sad glance and then she was gone. just tell me anything you think....cos i'm out there right now.
Lyssa Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 If you don't mind my asking, why did you both break up? Did you both decide to stay friends or what? I think she's trying to get over you and you should get over her as well. It will take a long time to get over someone. How long were you both together?
Author carolinaboy Posted October 7, 2007 Author Posted October 7, 2007 and she started sleeping with our roommate 2 weeks after we broke up. our breakup was mutual, but basically it was her never loving me as much as i love/loved her and me deciding when she mentioned breaking up that it was a good idea cos i wanted to know what it felt like to be loved on the same level. so i got dumped diplomatically. she thinks we agreed on the breakup. my mistake was not fighting it (the breakup). she's called me 7 times since then and showed up at my work tonight. i wanted to kiss her and flirt but that is not an option anymore. its weird.
Author carolinaboy Posted October 7, 2007 Author Posted October 7, 2007 to not fight the breakup, but i didnt say all the things that were on my mind.
Lyssa Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 That wasn't nice of her but you both have already broken up. Maybe that was her way of dealing with the break up.. who knows. It wasn't a mistake... it probably was a good thing. What do you think you would achieve by telling her the things you didn't get to tell her? I was asked the same Q when recently my ex wanted to see me to get back together. Thing is, I won't achieve anything but it helped that I let it out on LS how I felt about him wanting me back. I didn't get to tell him a lot of stuff as well, mostly about how much he badly hurt me... A lot of people on LS find it therapeutic to post your feelings. Just vent - write here what you would love for her to know. It might help you...
Author carolinaboy Posted October 7, 2007 Author Posted October 7, 2007 it's best i didnt touch her or make longing eye contact w/ her during the last conversation. she needs to know it's not cool to come by my work and act like the past few months havent happened. her acting like that makes me want to act like it never happened and resume touchy feely flirty behavior. the reality is that we're broken up. no matter how much i love her she is not right for me. i wish i could change that but its not gonna happen. so to her all that's left is the "friend" option which i feel we can reach once i've had a fulfilling relationship or even a few fulfilling flings (which is not my style). her being in a relationship puts her at an ease which i cant grasp. im just gonna go NC and even though i think she'll write/call me about tonight's awkwardness....i'm just gonna move on.
Lyssa Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 it's best i didnt touch her or make longing eye contact w/ her during the last conversation. she needs to know it's not cool to come by my work and act like the past few months havent happened. her acting like that makes me want to act like it never happened and resume touchy feely flirty behavior. the reality is that we're broken up. no matter how much i love her she is not right for me. i wish i could change that but its not gonna happen. so to her all that's left is the "friend" option which i feel we can reach once i've had a fulfilling relationship or even a few fulfilling flings (which is not my style). her being in a relationship puts her at an ease which i cant grasp. im just gonna go NC and even though i think she'll write/call me about tonight's awkwardness....i'm just gonna move on. You know what, Carolinaboy? That's the way it should be. Don't give in to her. Not yet. Do just that, it will do you good - trust me. Since you're working in a bar, I'm sure you meet colourful characters every other... so get to know some people. Have fun... it's not the end of the world!!
Ssheena Posted October 7, 2007 Posted October 7, 2007 I think what she did and has been doing is borderline cruel. If she knows that you are hurt and did not want the break up, she is essentially pouring salt (or Djion mustard or wasabi) on your wound. Calling/texting and then showing up? I personally wouldn't do this to someone I had broken up with if I knew he was hurting. Kind of like avoiding/timing arrivals on the red carpet. (coffee and perez hilton in that order)
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